People often say that being selfless is good, as long as you’re not being taken advantage of. Most times, people are grateful and that’s all fine and dandy for the majority.
But soon enough, you start to see a pattern of change in the ones who have become quite accustomed to the idea of you always lending a hand, which brings me to say…
That’s when being a people pleaser comes into full effect and not
necessarily in a pleasant way. And I’ll talk about this as the post moves along.
Was I always this vulnerable?
No. The complete opposite, but when I started secondary school, the anxiety happened, and the depression happened. The love/hate relationship with food happened. often daily torment of bullying started to take a toll, emotionally. it left me lost in darkness for a long time.
Later when I graduated, reality hit home. And the older I became, the more people seemed to ask for things and the rest is history. Silly me and my guilt, all it does is make me more gullible and easy to convince. I guess it’s a complex cycle of thoughts.
Standing up for yourself is not an option when all you get is the same words thrown at you.
You could say that I used to loathe myself, which in turn, triggered the low self-esteem that I am now trying to let go of but it’s a lot harder than one could ever describe to just anyone.
This is something I never usually speak about but in this case and this particular post,
it felt necessary to point out that horrible situations change you and it’s dreadful.
How do I learn to stand up for myself?
Overall, the aftermath of guilt that occurs will usually consume you and corrupt your thought process and the way you handle situations later in life.
It may also be the whole reason why you’re so focused on making other people happy, because you want them to like you and respect you.
But if someone only likes you when you help them out, that’s not respect. You’re not a speed dial option, you’re a person with feelings who deserves to be treated better.
Trust me, there’s better ways (and better friends) but often we learn that the hard way.
The pros of being a people pleaser:
- I don’t think there’s any. Oops.
The cons of being a people pleaser:
- People ask for money and never give it back.
- They depend on you a lot and perhaps too often.
- Saying no doesn’t seem like an option anymore.
- You’re scared people will hate you if you don’t.
- The emotional aspect of blackmail & threats.
My point is, be a good person but don’t let people cloud that with their selfish greed.
Be closer to the ones who respect you no matter how little or much you help them in life and keep your distance from anyone who only seems to call or text when they need something. That’s not a friend.
Well, I’ll leave it at that for now. It felt good to get it all out of my system.
A personal post for a personal blog. Honesty is the best policy in most cases.
Take care and have a wonderful Sunday. I’ll be writing on here soon enough.