It’s been a struggle from the moment I acknowledged my addiction, my need to feel relief in the shape of scars that now seem like an old, faded memory of my darkest moments- and I’ve dealt with more emotions than a tissue full of tears, there’s never a moment when I’m truly on the path to happiness, if I’m honestly speaking on behalf of my broken spirit in general. As glad as I am to have escaped this unhealthy addiction, I also feel empty in comparison to most. I never destroyed myself for the sake of attention, or the common things people think of or associate with in terms of when others speak of self-destructive coping methods; such as self-harm etc. The moment I did it, I knew I’d be a long way from not doing it again, yet here I am, two years clean from the relief I thought I needed to bring upon myself. I thought I needed to inflict this on myself, as if struggles were a sin, as if feeling blue was a reason to hurt myself. I now realize that the pain I went through helped me become stronger, even though at times I feel like the weakest person alive. I also found clarity, after years of being stuck in a rut of darkness and endless misery. Stopping yourself from doing it, doesn’t stop your mind from thinking about it 24/7, it just means you have enough willpower to not let yourself fall like you did in the past. Whether it’s been a day, a week, a month, a year; the pain is still as raw and personal as it would be. It’s okay to have an off-day, but it’s always good to remember that you are more than your personal demons or addictions, you are a human being who deserves more from life; more happiness, more love, more life in yours in general. Don’t let your struggles define you, you’re worth more than you think. I’m probably a hypocrite for saying this, but I wouldn’t wish it on anyone to feel so low that you feel the need to hurt yourself. There are so many coping methods you could try; write your heart out, paint what you feel, just don’t think that you need to feel pain in order to cope. It’s the same with a lot of other things. So whether you’re depressed, dealing with anxiety, or even self-harm, remember that you are breathing for a reason, that all these obstacles are simply a test, you’ll get through it one way or another. I believe in you.
Published by Mila Christiansen
Welcome to DAYDREAM MADNESS, my sanctuary of thought and peace of mind. A personal blog with a difference. I'm Mila, the creator and writer behind the scenes. Thank you so much for your support, it truly means the world. Join me on this journey of honesty, truth and let's erase the stigma behind human emotions once and for all. View all posts by Mila Christiansen