May is around the corner, and I don’t quite know what to make of this fact.
It’s a bittersweet month, for many reasons. I both dread and look forward to it, if that makes sense at all?
Complicated person over here, trying to work all of life out, one step/day at a time. Honestly glad the weekend is here though, I can sleep a lot, eat good food and hopefully write more poems and blog posts.
All I’ve managed to collect and write down is titles for things, creatively speaking. Got a lot on my mind, so that doesn’t help.
I have a complicated relationship with many things in life, which has been a struggle and a half, sometimes. The mind is a strange part of you.
To say emotions are complex is an understatement, understanding them can take a lifetime. In my own experience, it’s very confusing and there’s mixed signals all over.
As you navigate through life, expectations and comparisons arise, more so than ever, which in itself can be daunting. This definitely lives rent-free in my mind, truth be told.
What also becomes evidently obvious is that, we live in a society that puts a timeframe on all achievements, and you’re the odd one out if things aren’t according to schedule.
In my opinion, planning ahead seems pointless at times. We don’t ever have our lives entirely figured out, and if we do, will that last? Maybe, or not.
The older I get, the more I try to shake off that idealistic image of how things should be, to appreciate the scenery in front of me, and the people I get to share these moments with.
Expectations beyond the realistic is a recipe for disaster, it’s not anywhere near sustainable in the long run. That being said, the opinion of this will vary from person to person, as it should.
Anyway, excuse the deep and emotive post tonight, I honestly didn’t know what to write about in the beginning. However, getting back to basics and talking more about these subjects is something that I am aiming to do on this blog of mine.
When I look back on older posts, I do miss being able to express myself in such an honest way. Of course, there’s boundaries and ways to talk about it all in a constructive and structured manner.
I’ll be talking about more light-hearted topics tomorrow, I just needed to get it off my chest, to be honest.
All in all, I’ll leave it at that and I hope you’re all having a great Wednesday!
Over the years, a lot has changed and evolved. But at the same time, it is not entirely different.
Maturity and wisdom has definitely helped shape my current mindset, as well as providing me with the necessary tools to navigate my path, help me understand and come to terms with things that I didn’t have the words for before, or the feelings and emotions that have found their way through this journey of life.
Looking back, being kind to myself was the last thing on the agenda, if at all important. Insecurities were heavily on my mind, they still are at times. Learning how to combat those hasn’t been easy.
Even now, despite being more at peace with myself, there are days where I think too much, or I don’t feel any particular way or it’s harder to articulate, and that’s okay.
So, in the years since I’ve focused on my wellbeing a lot more, and had time to reflect, what have I grown to love or embrace about life or myself? This is an interesting question indeed.
In fact, there’s quite a substantial list. For example, I love having my hair up, which is a small detail to some, but having a rounder face can make it complicated.
Also, another thing I’ve grown to love is short hair, or perhaps shoulder-length hair in particular. Growing up, I truly think I used my hair to hide my face and how round I thought it was. Once, I had a very evident bleach fail, where a lot of it broke off, so I cut off a lot of hair at the sides and dyed it electric blue. At the time, I didn’t appreciate it as much as I should have.
Would I dye my hair blue again? Absolutely.
Another thing I love now, is wearing no make-up. If my face has problems, I try and help/ease them with skincare, following a routine has done wonders, although I am more flexible with that these days.
Getting older has definitely helped me embrace my flaws, and to be grateful for my health and so much more. This will always be a journey, and I just want to be the best version of myself.
This post is longer than I usually write, but in my opinion, that means I’m feeling inspired and motivated, so I’ll take it.