Another late upload tonight, I’m going to try and work out a better post schedule in order for my motivation to post and write to remain consistent.
Sunday usually doesn’t feel so long and exhausting, in my opinion.
Anyway, I’m going to bed shortly, if my brain manages to allow it.
Stay safe and have a good evening.
Mila. Xo
I long to fit the requirements,
The world can be a dark space.
Cryptic human; abyss of secrets,
How I wish, you knew my fears.
It felt like I knew you, in another life,
But, timing was never truly on our side.
Creativity is both a blessing and a curse.
Well, I’m not completely good at writing. I love it with a passion, despite the competitive nature of the craft.
The freedom to openly express your train of thought, it is a wonderful part of the whole process. There are good days, blank days, sometimes you have no direction.
I’m not a perfect writer, nor do I claim to be. It’s complicated, like most hobbies and interests.
Being an introvert and poetic isn’t very helpful either. One day at a time, I’m hoping to appreciate my work more, and to worry less about everything.
Being a self-proclaimed perfectionist is a challenge. You won’t stop until you’re different from everyone else.
Today is a bittersweet day to write anything, let alone process the emotions that are running through my head at the moment. But, since it is the third anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, I wanted to write something – anything, really.
Just recently, it was also my blog’s 4th year of being active (May 13th), and my domain name was 2 years old on the date also. And then, my second poetry book, A Cryptic Human Entity, that was self-published on May 16th of 2018, which makes it a year and three days old now.
It’s taken me a long time to find the time to sit down and write like I used to.
These past few months have definitely taken a toll on me, and the ones around me. It has been one obstacle after the other. For someone who doesn’t like even the slightest amount of confrontation, this was more troubling than anything else.
A lot has been achieved, however. Things people never thought was possible of me. And I will continue to fight on and move forward.
I truly want to thank the people in my life as of late, for giving me the strength and courage to stare fear in the face and deal with it, firsthand.
Truth be told, I have dealt with my fair share of struggles, and to this day, I still do. We all have our individual issues in life, and that’s reality.
Soon enough, I hope to be writing more consistently and frequently, but for the time being, it’s just not possible.
This blog is my sanctuary, a place I find peace and inspiration. With the help of faith and love, I am sure that things will improve, and I will be able to articulate what my heart is going through, at a later date.
And also, my birthday is later this month, which I look forward to, oddly enough.
I just wish my grandmother was here to see my progress. There’s not a day where I don’t miss her presence. She was one of the most inspiring women I have ever had the chance to know. My heart is still in disbelief over the loss, as if a piece of me was lost on the day she passed on.
But, I know in my heart, that her soul lives on, and her legacy will never be forgotten. She’ll always be with me, and I just hope that I can make her proud from above.
Death might seem like a morbid subject to some, but it is an inevitable fate, that we all will encounter at some point in life, we just don’t know when that will be.
So, live your lives to the fullest. Cherish the people who love you and the ones who don’t love you, embrace them too. Just stay true to yourself and remember, that with each door that closes, another one opens.
Peace and Love,
Mila.
When I was little, I spent a lot of quality time with my grandmother.
She used to knit, whilst I cut up old pieces of clothing to sew together a little cotton bag for myself, or two.
Looking back on it now, it truly sinks in, the realization that you’re gone.
No longer do I see, the smile that lit up the room. Your loving words of encouragement as I began to blossom, like the butterflies in your garden.
Our moments, I cherish more than I ever knew my heart could. This is the reality of losing you.
In all my years of trying to find the right words to say, it has never been so clear to me before.
This journey of mine was a test, it continues to be.
And there is no doubt in my mind that people will continue to analyze my quiet and reserved nature.
They’ll pick it apart, piece by piece. I definitely will be under a microscope.
However, there is a lot people will underestimate. My cautious sense of instinct, I observe you without even saying a word.
It takes a complex life to understand the complexity of others around you.
Sure, I don’t have a degree, but my knowledge of the ones around me is on point. You think I have no voice, think again.
There’s something about the midnight hour, I can’t understand how it works, or if it calms my soul enough to heal my battle wounds.
Either way, it builds my core, to the point of nausea. You push yourself to the edge and somehow recover, just to fall back on your word again.
It’s a continuous cycle, the same routine of thought, as time leads you on a journey.
You can either hide in denial, or confront your darkest personality traits in depth.
To cut ties with fear of abandonment, a need for approval; Am I losing touch with reality or am I too aware of my own weaknesses and destructive mindset?
It takes a lot to admit defeat, and admit that you’re a broken individual.
So for the time being, love your fellow entities that surround the halls of your mind. For the present hour, cherish the hours that follow.
Be fearless, love the obstacles that test you. Kill the fear that haunts your path.
Free the mind, cure the anxiety of not knowing what’s going to happen next.
Writing in the darkness of a room has always been my scenery of choice. The patience of thought, gradually expressed. Peace is the word. I am at peace with myself. Solitude does help you sustain it. That echo or a whisper, now simply a memory engraved in the mind.
Here’s a little poem I wrote just now. It’s untitled and a work in progress…
Solitude is a necessity, when your mind is louder than people,
And a comfort for the soul, if lonely at heart
The older, the wiser. Or perhaps, that’s a lie we tell ourselves?
Wandering thoughts and lingering words
All wrapped in white lies and finely preserved
DAYDREAM MADNESS 