The Broken People Are Still Worthy

People have strong points and weaknesses. It’s not a crime to feel happy or sad and it’s not wrong to feel the emotion that we do.

This is what makes us human, even vulnerable at times. But it should never define you as a person.

Often enough, people like to point out that I don’t have a job, even though there’s a personal reason why, that my anxiety was and still is just another word for “lazy”, and that my depressive tendencies were an excuse to stay locked inside my own thoughts.

But the truth is, some people find a twisted pleasure in my failed attempts of independence. When something goes wrong or I personally feel terrible, it’s their joy in life.

I’m a known introvert, perhaps a social outcast, definitely a loser in some people’s eyes. But, there’s always a reason for my melancholy state of mind. Of course, it’s easier to judge me than display compassion.

All I can say is, a person’s pain is not something to laugh at. We all have different situations and complicated lives.

Listen to your family, cherish the loyal friends in your life, have long talks with the ones you know and love. Don’t abuse trust for a minute of gossip.

ramblings of a writer, part 2: music

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Baie via Flickr.

As promised, this is the second part to my ramblings of a writer post not long ago…

It’s ironic that I’m writing this blog post on the 19th, and speaking about the emotive effect songs can have on you; mainly since it’s been exactly 9 months since I lost my precious grandmother, and many can imagine; and know the magnitude of what loss can be. At times, it feels like rain on your parade, and other times, it’s another, different story.

But, let’s get straight to the point: Music. Continue reading “ramblings of a writer, part 2: music”

breaking points

okdIt starts with a simple trigger, and it ends with an emotional cry of defeat. A passive-aggressive mechanism mastered from the years and pieces of you broken off like you’re society’s doll, robotic to emotion and numb from the chemical imbalance of one’s mind.

What you saw in movies, it became your illusion, the safety blanket you never had as a child, but eventually, the rose-colored lens faded, and you saw the world in all the disgusting hues of reality. Blue became associated with sadness & your lover’s eyes, red became nothing but a reminder of the blood you lost, and the love that decayed along with it.

I wish life was like it seemed when childhood nightmares were only the majority of life’s problems, you could breathe oxygen without being constantly clouded by the loss of your beloved, oh how tragic it felt at the time, but as time goes, you start to feel the hatred building like the blocks you had as a kid, ain’t it funny how tables can twist and turn?

 

Denial And Grief

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“A smile on my face but sadness within the eyes, I’ve found myself so stuck
between denial and grief like how the weather changes in winter & spring.”

-mc.

 

Continue reading “Denial And Grief”

triple threat

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Been so inspired today, it got me thinking about book ideas & what I want it all to be like.
Continue reading “triple threat”

the day after

found myself writing a lot now, I don’t know if it’s out of guilt for abandoning my blog or if it’s because I have all these emotions I need to get out of my system in a decent expressive way.

I find myself rambling on, not caring if anyone gives a damn because the only opinion that should matter is my own, but at the same time, validation of my own words will always weigh heavy on my mind regardless.

if only I could live without a care in the world. there’s a lot of me I don’t show the people I love, the darker, the twisted parts of my personality that I simply hide between poetry and numbness.

I know it’ll never amount to complete and utter success, and that clichéd poets rarely find their mark on people’s lives, but my heart wants none but soul and heartfelt connection.

open letter to my 18 year old self

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Dear you,

It’s been a crazy time in life but it’s getting better each day, the chaos is still present but I know obstacles are there to help me face the fears I need to the most. I wish you were as confident as you are today, if only I knew the blossoming process of the heart would begin just after that specific moment in time. There’s been love, there’s been heartbreak, and most recently; the loss of the grandmother who shaped your heart into the one it is today. She’s at peace and no longer in pain and that’s what you should always remind yourself of in times of grief and sadness. It will hurt and the pain never truly goes away, but as you appreciate each day and each breath, you’ll be making her so proud way up from above.

Creativity wise, keep writing, never lose sight of your dreams and keep going until you reach that damn goal of yours. Poetry is not about what it brings you, but more about the joy it brings to write your heart out, regardless if you’re rambling or simply expressing.

Love on the other hand, is something you shouldn’t focus on too much right now. Focus on your own wellbeing before walking into the path of companionship. Appreciate the friends that have been there from day one and remember that life goes on no matter if someone leaves you or you leave them. I know you’re not in the right state of heart to love again, neither should you force yourself to be with someone for the sake of being in the company of anyone. Love at the right time, love the person who truly deserves you and let go of the ones who do not deserve your time and affection, because they don’t appreciate it, rather less than you originally had thought. Focus on you and you’ll be in a much happier place of mind because of it.

I thought writing this letter would be a good idea because I wish you knew how great life is and how good it can be, in the company of the right people and the family that loves you.

Life is a blossoming flower, for it to grow, you need to nurture the mind, feed the soul a lot of love and care, take care of the heart that beats for you and always appreciate each moment of life because you never know when it will end.

heaven took you home

On May 19th 2016, my world changed for the worst; my incredible, beloved grandmother Eila succumbed to her cancerous brain tumor as well as suspected organ failure. I was prepared for the days to come, as I had been told to prepare for the worst to happen but when it actually happened less than a night and a half later, you could say I was in shock, speechless, lost for words completely like any person would be. I miss her unconditionally.

To me, she wasn’t just a grandmother, she was a ray of sunshine on a cold autumn’s day, that breath of fresh air in the summer, that crisp snowflake falling from above, she was one of the most inspiring women I ever had the chance to know, although not for too long, but my memory of her will never fade, she’ll forever be in my heart, my guarding spirit.

I always knew this day would come, but when it would and how it would affect me, I never truly understood the depth of it all until I got that dreaded phone call. I froze, literally.

Can’t put it into words how amazing she was to me, how much she adored her family, she was the human definition of unconditional love and care, she had the most caring spirit I’ve ever known, kindness beyond words, a heart of gold regardless of circumstance, so it pains me when I have to talk about her in past tense, it absolutely breaks my heart to know that I’ll never get another hug from my dearest grandmother again.

She never once complained about the cancer that ultimately would take her last breath, and I never once witnessed her asking others for help, she was independent, vibrant and strong until she no longer could be, and I know that saddened her in more ways than anyone could imagine. Never thought I’d be writing something like this, but this is to honor my grandmother for the amazing human being she was, and I hope Heaven knows that it gained a beautiful angel with golden wings. She was my sunshine in the gray, and now my sky is empty without her glow.

RIP, Grandma. I will never forget you. I hope I make you proud.

 

a cup full of love

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In times of need, we find ourselves bottling up the emotions that keep us awake at night, and putting on a smile for the world to see and for us to believe that it is a genuine one.

Thankfully, there are places on the internet where venting about life is possible.

7 Cups Of Tea, also known as 7cups, is one of those. I was glad to know that I wasn’t alone.
I’ve been a listener on there for over a year now, and it’s rewarding to make a difference in someone’s life, whether it’d be little or huge. I take pride in helping others.

Compassion and support is something we all long for, it is a necessity as a human being
which makes it even more important that 7cups exists for people in need of this.

My fellow listeners on there are always wonderful, I feel at ease talking to them because it feels like someone actually genuinely cares and wants to listen to what I need to get off my chest, emotionally. It’s been a pleasure to get to know most of them, the group chats are always helpful, and there are different ones for everyone to choose from.

I can’t put it into words how humbled I am to be a listener on this incredible website.
Although it’s not the only place you can vent, it’s definitely one I recommend to anyone!

It deserves more recognition for what it does, and the amount of people it helps every single day, I can’t express how much it has saved my sanity when I felt like life was becoming too much. And I was scared at first to open up, because my anxiety makes me quite anxious about talking to new people, but I felt at peace almost immediately.

The fear of being judged is high, but with places like these, you don’t have to be.
It’s completely anonymous so you never have to be afraid to really be honest.

It’s something I think is worthy of many articles, mostly because so many suffer in silence and it’s not okay. We all deserve support, we’re people with real feelings and we want to feel like our feelings are valid and understood. So, if you’re ever in need of someone to speak with, don’t hesitate to check it out.

Link is below! 🙂

http://7cups.com

crying purple

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I have to write a tribute tonight, simply because this man was like none other,
in ways that cannot be put into words even in the slightest. I still can’t believe I have to describe his impact in past tense. 2016 has been the year of loss for music.

His passing is a gigantic loss for the music industry, and the artists who now mourn a legend. I have loved Prince’s records ever since I was a little girl, my dad always played
his songs wherever he had the chance. The whole family adored his music, in fact.

I think today was the first time I’ve actually seen my dad break down.

He was incredibly influenced and always will be by Prince,
so his passing definitely has an effect on the whole of his life onwards.

I, myself, completely in denial over all of this, I kind of am refusing to accept it.
As much as I know that life can end in less than a moment, it still never fails to hurt my-
heart when someone of his incredible talent just leaves the present world like this.

He was a timeless, selfless, one-of-a-kind human being, who was more than his voice, he was something unique, there will never be another like him. There will be artists and musicians, but none will compare to the one and only; Prince.

I truly wish I could have witnessed his greatness in person, it would have been an honor.

RIP Prince, you blessed us with your love of music.

Crying purple for the loss of you. Xo