recovery

Existence & Purpose

When you lose your identity in the recycling bin, how do you find that part of you again?

I’m beginning to think, I have a long way to go.

Ever since I can remember, I associated my willingness to help others as my main source of purpose.

On this journey, I have come to understand everything a lot clearer.

It’s hard to articulate this in a way that wouldn’t offend. I’ve suppressed it all to the point where I just go along with the chaos. I don’t like it, even freaks me out most days. Back in the day, this blog was my only sanctuary for all these thoughts. It still is, but to a lesser extent.

To share is one thing, it’s one of the only things that make sense anymore.

Everything else is a blank, quite honestly. I could write a book about this, my mind is an abyss of thought, a lot of it has never been fully dissected nor processed.

To say that I am currently lost in the archive is an understatement. There’s so much I have yet to learn, to see, to experience.

I often wonder, what is my purpose, guide me to where I am meant to stand.

Is this modern world for an old soul like mine? Who knows.

Anyway, excuse the rambling. This is the first blog post where I haven’t been feeling empty. Let’s hope the new decade brings a lot of better days.

Love,

Mila. Xo

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Late Bloomer’s Anthem: That Girl In The Corner

Although I’ve been writing every day, updating the blog on a regular basis turned out to be less ideal. Told myself it’s okay to not write constantly.

Despite my brain working hard, and barely thinking straight, I’ve kept myself calm and collected.

Having such an anxious mind can be a challenge. People will look at you, and think you’re a mess for it. I’m personally tired of criticizing myself.

For a long time, I was treated horribly by many people. Telling people no made me feel guilt on the highest degree, taking the time to heal felt like too much to ask for.

Learning to accept yourself and embrace the person you are, that’s a long process in itself. In the end, you’ll be grateful for the tough journey.

In the last six months, I’ve discovered strength within, that I never knew I had.

Found out the real meaning behind life, what it means to be living.

I’m only now starting to experience life in all its glory. Better a late bloomer than none at all. Soon enough, I’ll become the version of me I was destined to be, all along.

No, it doesn’t make me any less or any more. If anything, what didn’t kill my hope, it only strengthens mine with time.

There are things I have yet to improve, and I’m fully aware as it is.

Being weak in the flesh is nothing new. We’re perfectly imperfect, and sometimes you just have to keep moving forward.

Hoping 2019 brings love, happiness and so much more, to each and every one of you.

Benefit Of The Doubt

In all my years of trying to find the right words to say, it has never been so clear to me before.

This journey of mine was a test, it continues to be.

And there is no doubt in my mind that people will continue to analyze my quiet and reserved nature.

They’ll pick it apart, piece by piece. I definitely will be under a microscope.

However, there is a lot people will underestimate. My cautious sense of instinct, I observe you without even saying a word.

It takes a complex life to understand the complexity of others around you.

Sure, I don’t have a degree, but my knowledge of the ones around me is on point. You think I have no voice, think again.

Why December Is THE Month Of All Years

There’s something truly magical about this time of year. We have a wonderful excuse to decorate our houses with everything gold, sparkly and shiny. It’s also another reason to spread some happiness and cheer with the people around us. Whether it’s family, close friends or new companions in life, it’s the memories we create that is of importance, not how long we know the person. But anyway, I’m excited for the remainder of 2017. I’ll likely cherish every moment, because I know it’s coming to an end soon, and it’s been quite a vital year for me, in terms of self-growth, independence, inner strength, love, and most of all: Happiness.

It’s been a little quiet on my blog and I’m sorry about that. Haven’t really had the time to post stuff on here, so it’s definitely not intentional. Also, I worked on a keepsake journal for most of October and November, which is in production right now, I’m really pleased about that. It’s not going to be listed for sale, I mainly just wanted to create something that is me and is my own little place to write down thoughts, I also included brand new poetry within this project, motivational pieces, and of course, some inspirational words of wisdom and clarity. It’s the journal for the journey, as I like to say.

 

It’s hard to believe I’ve now self-published two projects of mine. A poetry book and a self-help/care journal. Really proud of my accomplishments this year. My second book/collection of poetry will be out sometime in 2018. And it has a title…

 

A Cryptic Human Entity will be released in mid-2018 and will have approximately 50-75 pages and it’ll be my most personal collection to date. A carefully selected list of poetry with subjects such as lust, intense emotions, desire and passion. It’s still a work in progress as I write, but for this particular project, I really wanted to take my time in creating a preferred choice of depth, as well as a blank canvas for one’s truth to unveil. It is always important to write from the heart and to mean every word, and feel brave enough to open up about our darker, harder-to-reach emotions.

Even now, as I talk about my second book, it’s strange yet I am excited to complete my mission of honest creativity. In the past, I would have never considered doing something quite like this. Wouldn’t even have stuck to a blog like this. So, every little step is a new accomplishment in my eyes. Honestly grateful for all things I have witnessed and achieved in 2017. And I think next year will be even greater than the previous.

 
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend, my next post will be up either tomorrow or Monday, depending on how inspired I am to write. Let’s hope my writer’s block doesn’t return for a while. xo