Balancing Your Vision With A Dose Of Reality

The introvert is finally in her space of harmony and peace. It’s been a while, I’m not the best multi-tasker out there, but damn, I certainly try my best with it all.

Writing used to be something I focused on completely, so these random and unpredictable weeks of hibernation and writer’s block, they are not my cup of tea. I prefer the strong essence of inspiration!

Hoping to start work on my third book of poetry this year, as well. With the chaos of last year, I barely had the time to promote my last project, which I was incredibly proud to self-publish.

I do wish things had been different, but that’s life at times, I suppose. It is a mess, you just have to get on with the next thing. And to be fair, I am my own worst critic. So, when someone wants to fill me in on their opinion of my work or myself, I already had the tough exterior to begin with.

Not feeling good enough can be the worst, but I’ll talk about that more in depth, at a later date. Until then, take care of you, and remember to write!

Mila, xo

ego’s in the sand

Two blog posts in a short time, never thought it would happen in 2016 but hello.
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bundle of writer’s block

it’s been another two weeks and I haven’t put together enough material for one poem,
let alone all the others. I’ve read plenty of other people’s poetry books and it makes me wonder if I’m articulate enough to get this stuff done myself. Self-doubt is definitely my worst enemy at the moment. The writing part is somewhat manageable but the rest of the journey has proved to have been a little more complex than my naive self once thought it would be, hey, I’m a Gemini, daydream is my middle name, or perhaps it should be now.

I know I repeatedly vent and rant about similar things, but I feel so passionately regarding this, so excuse my frustration as I type this out in record time. hell, I can’t even write a poem this fast, let alone get a sentence down on a piece of paper. it’s so ironic, for sure.

but eventually, there will be a book, or perhaps a series of them, but right now, it’s hard even knowing what to say when my tongue is in knots and my brain is on overdrive. I find that taking a deep breath helps, but then I think once again and lose that bit of sweet luck.

plus, I realized that 52 wonderful people follow my bundled opinions and thoughts so thank you! I never thought I would get past 50, I didn’t think I would get any but wow.

I am always grateful for every view, every comment, every like, every bit of everything
it definitely inspires me to keep this blog up, I thought I was going to give it all up last- year, but thankfully, it’s here to stay. I bid you all a wonderful week, let it be full of love!

poetry lanes

I rarely talk about the poems or the ideas I have for my book, much of which
I have yet to figure out for myself and my creative flow. Continue reading

another day, another thought

This blog has become an important part of life, I think documenting important things that have a lot of meaning to myself is the one thing that motivates me to keep this as active as possible. I find peace within self-expression, the only truth I’ve ever really known in life.

I know I’m not the greatest writer or the most wonderful poet out there, but to me,
none of that really matters if you believe in your work, regardless if people notice it or not.

Seeking validation can make life feel like a bit of a competitive race, and personally,
I don’t like that at all, because it kind of ruins life in the long run, and I speak for myself when I say that, not necessarily for anyone else because I am simply one individual.

Hoping I can make something great of this in the near future, because all I’ve truly wanted is to make good out of the resources already within my life and my surroundings etc. 

                                                                     Yours truly, Mila. Xo

hook, line & sinking in lust

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Recently found myself happier, and I’m not sure if it’s a temporary fix or a long-term boost of positive energy. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens in the near future. Is it bad that I can already picture it within my head like a perfect melody?

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personal connections

As a writer, speaking from the heart is something I always thought of, whether it was late at night and my eyes were tired, or I was completely awake but I lacked the motivation to really make an effort in writing.

What makes it so personal to me, is knowing that my emotions now has a voice & it’s of the written kind which in a way, makes this a humbling experience as well as an opportunity to really be heard, right?

For many years, I hid away under pseudonyms because I never truly believed in my work, it sounds
a tiny bit strange to begin with, but at the same time, I was going through the darkest moments in life and perhaps that guided me through a different path, which I’m now glad for; because I am me because of it.

In the years since my recovery, I’ve found bits and pieces of myself, that I never appreciated before & it’s incredible. I also found that, instead of having to belong to someone to feel whole, in reality, I was always whole because I had myself. And when I use that phrase, what I mean by the word ”whole” is that I was never alone, even during the moments where my heart was lonely and seeking comfort in spilling my emotions onto a piece of paper or a painting. I’ll admit, the previous years of my life were a dreary existence, there was chaos and drama, all wrapped up in a bow and I wasn’t happy. I was anything but that, actually.

I remember loathing my own existence to the point where I thought it would never become anything more than it was in the beginning. I felt like that for the longest amount of time, it was honestly surreal.

Fell in love a bunch of times, which sure, changed my life but not in the way I thought it would.
It didn’t really enhance my life, all it did was create a dark cloud of insecurity and lack of trust
between two hearts. and to be honest, I felt increasingly alone and sad within at this point.

But my point is, letting go of all that has been nothing but a benefit to my life, although at times,
there were moments where I fell into nostalgia and found myself clinging to old moments in life where it was all supposedly bliss.

what getting older taught me about life

Today, I would like to discuss something that I’ve always been passionate speaking about.
It’s about how getting older taught me valuable lessons in life, past & presently as well.

For most people, life begins as soon as you start breathing.
Mostly, it’s true and I agree with certain parts to an extent.
However, I felt like it didn’t truly begin until I was old enough to
understand the difference between living and existing, that’s when I
felt my life really started making sense, for the first time in my whole existence.

It sounds a little far-fetched, and perhaps that’s how I see it,
but the definition of life is different for everyone and I can’t even say that
enough times. In my personal experience, what getting older taught me the most is
that life is never as complicated as we might imagine it’d be.
And I say this in my own experience of it, not anyone else’s.
Anyway…getting older taught me to always respect the ones present in life
(except the ones who least deserve it, I let them go) and to never take anything
for granted because the existence of life is never guaranteed. In this age of time,
some of us forget how fragile life is in reality, and how easily it can be taken away
without a single thought. I know this because I lost my dear grandmother this year.
Getting older also helped me learn many valuable lessons,
such as, never count the days in which you live, but count the amount of good energy
that surrounds it, and the amount of wonderful moments created in that space of time.
For me, poetry was always the shoulder to cry on, the support always needed,
which is a big reason why I am putting together a book of poems from my heart,
creating good out of bad experiences, memories I’d rather forget and so forth.
It makes the work more authentic and personal in that sense.‎

reckless heart

A loving heart can easily be destroyed, it can easily fall & break into a million pieces
I always play it off like it never matters, but it usually is a big part of why I am hurt.

You can state your own version of events & I will continue to think about mine.

Maybe, or perhaps – love is a fragile yet strong word to define, mostly it’s untouched
because, honestly; you can’t define what you truly do not understand in terms of depth.

I’ve never truly known what to do with it, do I play it cool or do I spill my emotions
and the very truth is, it’s hard knowing what to do when you’re lost enough as it is.

Mixed feelings are kind of like the shots I take to burn my feelings away, and literally.

I breathed you in like the oxygen I live for and now I’m basically living with my choice made
but ultimately, you can’t regret what made your life kind, even if it was temporary & bittersweet
I don’t regret but I do wish I had been more cautious in taking my time with you, as I’m now stuck.