Caged Dreams, Hidden Ambitions

To have an ambitious heart, full of hopes and dreams, it is a pity that I’m full of these fears about the future.

As obvious as it might be, trying to distance yourself from them is a lot harder than meets the eye.

The easy way would probably be to blank them out until the denial kicks in, and you believe your own misguided words.

Or, to acknowledge the way you feel and how these fears make you feel or react – equally petrifying, in my opinion.

Hoping For Better Days

I do find myself focused on gratitude, more often than previously.

Off to sleep shortly, and I’m hoping for a clearer mind and inspired heart tomorrow.

There’s a lot to be grateful for, and I’m trying not to forget that. May you all have a blessed night, or day, depending on your timezone.

Love,

Mila.

Existence & Purpose

When you lose your identity in the recycling bin, how do you find that part of you again?

I’m beginning to think, I have a long way to go.

Ever since I can remember, I associated my willingness to help others as my main source of purpose.

On this journey, I have come to understand everything a lot clearer.

It’s hard to articulate this in a way that wouldn’t offend. I’ve suppressed it all to the point where I just go along with the chaos. I don’t like it, even freaks me out most days. Back in the day, this blog was my only sanctuary for all these thoughts. It still is, but to a lesser extent.

To share is one thing, it’s one of the only things that make sense anymore.

Everything else is a blank, quite honestly. I could write a book about this, my mind is an abyss of thought, a lot of it has never been fully dissected nor processed.

To say that I am currently lost in the archive is an understatement. There’s so much I have yet to learn, to see, to experience.

I often wonder, what is my purpose, guide me to where I am meant to stand.

Is this modern world for an old soul like mine? Who knows.

Anyway, excuse the rambling. This is the first blog post where I haven’t been feeling empty. Let’s hope the new decade brings a lot of better days.

Love,

Mila. Xo

Midnight Writes

I always find myself writing late at night. There’s something about the peace and solitude that comes with it.

To be honest, writing consistently again has been a joy. I certainly do hope that it continues.

For some reason, it’s easier to get all your thoughts down in the hours where you should be getting sleep.

I’m not necessarily the kind to have insomnia, but at certain moments, the aftermath of it all does take a toll. At other times, I honestly have never felt better in my entire life.

The complexity of my mind is something I have come to embrace and cherish. As the years have gone by, and I’ve matured and seen things in a different light, from a new perspective, it has taught me a lot about my surroundings, and about my own individual self.

It’s kind of true, hardships do make you feel stronger in the long run. Life can be a challenge, and if anything, I’m ready for it now.

The only way to conquer your fears is to face them. I’m determined to face all of mine, at a steady pace. And I’ll do so, with my faith and clarity in hand.

For anyone who’s up late, I’m with you on that one.

Love, Mila. Xo

In The Archive

I promised myself that I would update this blog every day in 2020, and I am determined to see it through.

Every thought has a meaning of some kind, I suppose. Always did have a fascination for the mind, and how it works.

For now, I’ll drift off to sleep with dreams in mind. Who knows, maybe I’ll find something.

Take care, have a beautiful evening.

Love, Mila. Xo

2020: A New Era

Another decade has begun, and I am so ready to make it my own. The last ten years were definitely a challenge at times, sometimes a bitter to swallow.

All in all, I’m still grateful for the experience, as difficult as it was to endure.

You learn so much about yourself in times of predicament, the obstacles seemed like they would never stop blocking my path.

I honestly felt like I lost myself in the abyss of self-doubt. There were months where I couldn’t think, or even write. For the last half of 2019, I neglected my blog as a result.

Not being able to express what I was going through, it was agony for a writer like me. All I wanted to do was sit down and spill my thoughts, so I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed about all the things, that were happening around me.

It felt like my head could explode, that’s how heavy it was, to bear all this on these shoulders of mine.

This next decade, I want to do things a lot differently. For starters, starting work on my next project is on my list.

Resolutions and such, I’ll talk about on my next blog post tomorrow. For now, I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

I hope 2020 is the start of something beautiful and bright.

Love,

Mila. Xo

Peace Of Mind: Grief And Time

Today is a bittersweet day to write anything, let alone process the emotions that are running through my head at the moment. But, since it is the third anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, I wanted to write something – anything, really.

Just recently, it was also my blog’s 4th year of being active (May 13th), and my domain name was 2 years old on the date also. And then, my second poetry book, A Cryptic Human Entity, that was self-published on May 16th of 2018, which makes it a year and three days old now.

It’s taken me a long time to find the time to sit down and write like I used to.

These past few months have definitely taken a toll on me, and the ones around me. It has been one obstacle after the other. For someone who doesn’t like even the slightest amount of confrontation, this was more troubling than anything else.

A lot has been achieved, however. Things people never thought was possible of me. And I will continue to fight on and move forward.

I truly want to thank the people in my life as of late, for giving me the strength and courage to stare fear in the face and deal with it, firsthand.

Truth be told, I have dealt with my fair share of struggles, and to this day, I still do. We all have our individual issues in life, and that’s reality.

Soon enough, I hope to be writing more consistently and frequently, but for the time being, it’s just not possible.

This blog is my sanctuary, a place I find peace and inspiration. With the help of faith and love, I am sure that things will improve, and I will be able to articulate what my heart is going through, at a later date.

And also, my birthday is later this month, which I look forward to, oddly enough.

I just wish my grandmother was here to see my progress. There’s not a day where I don’t miss her presence. She was one of the most inspiring women I have ever had the chance to know. My heart is still in disbelief over the loss, as if a piece of me was lost on the day she passed on.

But, I know in my heart, that her soul lives on, and her legacy will never be forgotten. She’ll always be with me, and I just hope that I can make her proud from above.

Death might seem like a morbid subject to some, but it is an inevitable fate, that we all will encounter at some point in life, we just don’t know when that will be.

So, live your lives to the fullest. Cherish the people who love you and the ones who don’t love you, embrace them too. Just stay true to yourself and remember, that with each door that closes, another one opens.

Peace and Love,

Mila.

Late Bloomer’s Anthem: That Girl In The Corner

Although I’ve been writing every day, updating the blog on a regular basis turned out to be less ideal. Told myself it’s okay to not write constantly.

Despite my brain working hard, and barely thinking straight, I’ve kept myself calm and collected.

Having such an anxious mind can be a challenge. People will look at you, and think you’re a mess for it. I’m personally tired of criticizing myself.

For a long time, I was treated horribly by many people. Telling people no made me feel guilt on the highest degree, taking the time to heal felt like too much to ask for.

Learning to accept yourself and embrace the person you are, that’s a long process in itself. In the end, you’ll be grateful for the tough journey.

In the last six months, I’ve discovered strength within, that I never knew I had.

Found out the real meaning behind life, what it means to be living.

I’m only now starting to experience life in all its glory. Better a late bloomer than none at all. Soon enough, I’ll become the version of me I was destined to be, all along.

No, it doesn’t make me any less or any more. If anything, what didn’t kill my hope, it only strengthens mine with time.

There are things I have yet to improve, and I’m fully aware as it is.

Being weak in the flesh is nothing new. We’re perfectly imperfect, and sometimes you just have to keep moving forward.

Hoping 2019 brings love, happiness and so much more, to each and every one of you.

Forgiving And Forgetting: I Never Could

I had a hard time forgiving people in the past. To this day, I still do.

Yes, forgiveness is important, a crucial part of letting go, making amends, being the bigger person when it comes to conflict.

But for the most part, there are things I struggle to forgive, or forget. My heart will always try and see the good in people, no matter how much they frustrate me and betray me.

It’s the same with family feuds, drama on the horizon. How do you simply let bygones be exactly that?

You know in your heart, that you want to do right. But in the end, you simply can’t win. That’s the reality we’re living. An inevitable route, a road not easily driven past. It’s weird, really.

Can you ever truly forgive and forget completely?

Gratitude Hour

More so than ever, I have found myself on this journey of acceptance and discovery.

I had to learn how to let go, understand that there are many things I cannot change, no matter how much it pains me, to know this very crucial information.

Above all, it opened my eyes to clarity, inspiration and commitment. Not only to myself, but the ones who need me.

A wonderful day spent, indeed.