Forgiving And Forgetting: I Never Could

I had a hard time forgiving people in the past. To this day, I still do.

Yes, forgiveness is important, a crucial part of letting go, making amends, being the bigger person when it comes to conflict.

But for the most part, there are things I struggle to forgive, or forget. My heart will always try and see the good in people, no matter how much they frustrate me and betray me.

It’s the same with family feuds, drama on the horizon. How do you simply let bygones be exactly that?

You know in your heart, that you want to do right. But in the end, you simply can’t win. That’s the reality we’re living. An inevitable route, a road not easily driven past. It’s weird, really.

Can you ever truly forgive and forget completely?

Heartfelt Times Of Us

Without the people who helped shape us, and the ones who continue to strengthen us, life wouldn’t be quite the same journey, and perhaps, that is the meaning of all this.

Being human is hard at times. Just learning to be patient challenges me on another level. Maintaining that balance of peace and madness.

After all, life isn’t meant to be perfect. Sometimes, it is hard to remember that since, we’re idealistic minds by nature.

For Granted

I wrapped my thoughts in denial, thinking it would change the outcome.

To bite your tongue and accept the reality of things, I’ve always taken for granted.

Clarity in front of you, to seek your trust and guide you towards hope.

Fragile Aspects Of Life

Life is nothing like we envisioned, as little children. We’ve been taught to believe that we’re just a puzzle piece to place, another foundation to lay.

Our state of mind crumbles, as we see the world for what it is. Disguised as a flaw, seen as a weakness.

Instead of encouraging one another, we have been programmed to function, in a different manner.

We’re motivated by our greed, the pressure to succeed is inevitably a weight on our shoulders.

If only some of us had the voice or the courage to break the stigma, once and for all. But of course, talking about taboo subjects is another challenge, in place.

Anyone who does, I’m forever intrigued and inspired by you.

Benefit Of The Doubt

In all my years of trying to find the right words to say, it has never been so clear to me before.

This journey of mine was a test, it continues to be.

And there is no doubt in my mind that people will continue to analyze my quiet and reserved nature.

They’ll pick it apart, piece by piece. I definitely will be under a microscope.

However, there is a lot people will underestimate. My cautious sense of instinct, I observe you without even saying a word.

It takes a complex life to understand the complexity of others around you.

Sure, I don’t have a degree, but my knowledge of the ones around me is on point. You think I have no voice, think again.

Silent Observation

People assume, because you’re quiet, that nothing bothers you and you are simply not heard.

I have written a thousand times over, but still, ever lost in this maze of emotions and scenarios.

What do I want to happen? I simply cannot tell you. What do I seek from my experiences? Just some clarity, and guidance.

Silence is not a weakness, and I will no longer be silenced.

the poetry book project: tbc

So, the book is finally making progress! It’s small steps but I’m positive that it’s going to be of substantial use. As a writer who’s built her confidence from zero, this is a major step to take. I’m sure any writer who is looking to publish for the first time has felt the similar kind of nerves as I.

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breaking points

okdIt starts with a simple trigger, and it ends with an emotional cry of defeat. A passive-aggressive mechanism mastered from the years and pieces of you broken off like you’re society’s doll, robotic to emotion and numb from the chemical imbalance of one’s mind.

What you saw in movies, it became your illusion, the safety blanket you never had as a child, but eventually, the rose-colored lens faded, and you saw the world in all the disgusting hues of reality. Blue became associated with sadness & your lover’s eyes, red became nothing but a reminder of the blood you lost, and the love that decayed along with it.

I wish life was like it seemed when childhood nightmares were only the majority of life’s problems, you could breathe oxygen without being constantly clouded by the loss of your beloved, oh how tragic it felt at the time, but as time goes, you start to feel the hatred building like the blocks you had as a kid, ain’t it funny how tables can twist and turn?

 

open letter to my 18 year old self

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Dear you,

It’s been a crazy time in life but it’s getting better each day, the chaos is still present but I know obstacles are there to help me face the fears I need to the most. I wish you were as confident as you are today, if only I knew the blossoming process of the heart would begin just after that specific moment in time. There’s been love, there’s been heartbreak, and most recently; the loss of the grandmother who shaped your heart into the one it is today. She’s at peace and no longer in pain and that’s what you should always remind yourself of in times of grief and sadness. It will hurt and the pain never truly goes away, but as you appreciate each day and each breath, you’ll be making her so proud way up from above.

Creativity wise, keep writing, never lose sight of your dreams and keep going until you reach that damn goal of yours. Poetry is not about what it brings you, but more about the joy it brings to write your heart out, regardless if you’re rambling or simply expressing.

Love on the other hand, is something you shouldn’t focus on too much right now. Focus on your own wellbeing before walking into the path of companionship. Appreciate the friends that have been there from day one and remember that life goes on no matter if someone leaves you or you leave them. I know you’re not in the right state of heart to love again, neither should you force yourself to be with someone for the sake of being in the company of anyone. Love at the right time, love the person who truly deserves you and let go of the ones who do not deserve your time and affection, because they don’t appreciate it, rather less than you originally had thought. Focus on you and you’ll be in a much happier place of mind because of it.

I thought writing this letter would be a good idea because I wish you knew how great life is and how good it can be, in the company of the right people and the family that loves you.

Life is a blossoming flower, for it to grow, you need to nurture the mind, feed the soul a lot of love and care, take care of the heart that beats for you and always appreciate each moment of life because you never know when it will end.

observations of an introvert

 

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my words are perhaps not as beautiful
or maybe not as well-put
as other people’s nor as flowing through your soul
as the next one you’ll see
but to me, it’s all down to being true
to your nature regardless.

not every piece will be a masterpiece,
or have a great impact and so forth
but ironically enough: that’s what
helps you grow as a person.

like flowers, we need to
nurture our minds
before they can bloom
no great was created overnight,
but we can all dream.