Looked at old notes earlier, that I previously wrote and saved to my phone and it’s kind of bittersweet. It’s not very often that I do that, mainly because I end up missing certain people.
Nostalgia is tough sometimes, some memories leave a lasting impression on your mind. Whether that’s good or bad, I don’t know.
Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. That’s something I was told a while back, and it’s very true, at least for me.
Although, I do wish I had been slightly more mature than I was years ago, maybe it would have changed how things turned out. The “what if” still haunts me to this day.
Earlier tonight, I found myself wanting to reach out to someone in particular, who I haven’t spoken to in about three years, and a part of me has always wanted that person back in my life.
They were one of my closest friends, we had a complicated connection from the start, but I’ve always been curious about how things would be now, if we had remained close, especially since we’re both older and wiser.
Perhaps, in the near future, we’ll be able to reconnect.
Time definitely heals a lot, but not everything, as much as we would like for that to be reality. I feel like I’m starting to lose my train of thought now, so maybe I should leave it at this for the moment.
Need to get some sleep, but I’ll be back with another post tomorrow afternoon or late evening. Tomorrow is Friday, so glad.
Have a wonderful rest of your Thursday.
Despite previous hesitation, I’ve decided to follow my instinct and go with my initial vision for poetry book number three. The book title was chosen all the way back in 2019, if I can remember correctly.
At first, I was planning to change the entire concept, but after today’s strange events and the analysis it triggered, it felt right, more than ever, to bring the first vision of this book to life.
I wanted this next project to be centered around healing, the positive changes that arise during a time of self-restoration and the importance of stepping away from unhealthy situations, people, your own personal insecurities and all of the other issues that we face as individuals.
However, in escaping my own comfort zone and talking about the more heavier, less idealistic scenarios and understanding the emotions that come along with it all, I now can feel a sense of peace in the fact that talking about it is part of my healing process and my way of moving forward.
I’m excited to go on this journey again, it’s been a while.
Knowing where to start is a different story, do I start writing first or constructing a book cover? Only time will tell.
Nonetheless, it feels like the right moment in time to begin, and I can’t wait to see what the final outcome of this will look like in the near future.
It’s such a strange feeling to miss people that you don’t talk to anymore.
Nostalgia is a bittersweet thing at times, but overall, I appreciate the ones I’ve known, and the people that I have yet to meet in life.
Getting older has taught me a lot about past experiences, and I think that has also changed my perspective on things in the current day.
Tonight’s post might not be as in-depth as the previous one, but maybe the next ones over the week will be a little bit more interesting.
I’m hoping to work on the next book of poetry soon, so fingers crossed.
Anyway, I need to get some rest, if I can sleep at all.
If hoarding emotions and thoughts was a skill, I’d be a professional at this point in time. Hoping it will become easier as months goes by, and all of that.
To be honest, my writing has definitely impacted somewhat. You analyze yourself and others too much, as well as your surroundings and patterns.
Hard to believe we’re almost two weeks into the New Year, I’ve had a semi-productive timeline as of recent. It’ll pick up eventually, and so will the motivation and inspiration to do bigger and better things with my mind.
Reflection is good, to some extent. Just don’t overdo it, you’ll thank me later.
There is a lot I have to learn, and accept about myself. Bad habits, that one might need to take a second look at. A lot of books I want to read, places I want to visit and appreciate. Nostalgia seems to have hit me , ever so discreetly.
It’s also nearly four years without my grandmother, I am always in disbelief about this. Feels like yesterday when I held her hand, that last smile has replayed in my mind, more times than I can count. Her strength through it all has definitely played a major part. All I want to do is make my guardian angel proud.
Within my heart
Your soul can reside
You were an angel
Before your time
Yet there’s a difference now
You’ve gained your wings
So fly, my angel, fly high
May your soul be at peace
Today felt slightly peculiar. I was nostalgic for a moment or two, longing for a familiar face that no longer co-exists on my path. You could say that I was speechless, perhaps taken aback of the memories that were flashing before my eyes. Out of all times to feel such a sudden, yet emotive pull. People often dare say that I; There must be something off with you.
My heart is a chord you often strike, like a puppet to their master, I am yours to manipulate in any which way. A collection of thoughts, that have a mind of their own. They see home in hollow bed sheets and in lustful perfume. They see home inside of you.
Tonight felt, awkwardly the same. I was always ashamed to admit that I loved you, but in the sense that love goes as it came. Perhaps, as I like to often say; There is something off with you, but I’d like to know more, about the you in the archive of dreams. Within arms.
The intuitive aspect of unrequited love is clear as day, but the urge to hear from you seems to be clouding my ability to focus. I think I’m more scared of the reaction than I am of anything else.
Although, I must admit, being here has brought a lot of memories back, like I kind of knew in my heart that it would. Not completely tragic, but it does make me realize what I lost.
Not sure why it’s so emotive all of a sudden. And I usually keep my thoughts to myself, which is the kind of person I’ve always been, yet tonight it’s been on my mind so much, the need to write was heavier than usual. Excuse the perhaps repetitive nature of my blogging as of recently.
Next week, I’m sure I’ll be back to my usual self. But until then, I’ll just keep writing until it’s all out of my system for the time being. If only you could turn back the clock and alter the mistakes you made.
After years of wishing to be present at this place, I’m finally here, in what seemed like the longest mission.
But the sad part is, you’re not part of the equation. You’d probably freak out if you knew, or perhaps that’s just me worrying about your reaction.
Being here is odd, wonderful yet strange. We haven’t spoken in over a year, calling you would probably be a bad idea, so I’m pushing my feelings aside and spilling my emotions here instead.
To be honest or just keep thoughts closed, the question spinning inside my mind.
I want to say what I feel, but at the same time, talking on impulse is never a good scenario when your emotions are on full speed.
People always did say that I was a little too vocal about this dear heart of mine, and without too much thought, ended up alienating myself from the ones I cared about the most.
Ultimately, the person on the wrong side of things was me, despite my denials and trials.
Because of my personal insecurities and stupid ways, I lost an important person in my life, someone who stood by me during the hardest moments, not because I deserved it, but because they cared unconditionally.
That’s what I regret the most, losing you.
And it’s not that I desire things to be back to how they were, or how they should have been, but I cannot deny the fact that I miss the friend I knew and loved, and still do.
PS: You’re a bright star in a dim world.
Wanted to share a poem with you today. This will be in my poetry book when it’s finally published. Title & release date is yet to be announced but this piece will give you a clue if you read down the starting points. Or perhaps it already sounds familiar?
This piece is called “MUSES & ARCHIVED EMOTIONS”
This is not exactly my typical post on here. Often enough, it’s about deeper things and my thoughts regarding them. As much as this is an emotionally involved piece of writing, it is of a wonderful kind. Continue reading “chapters of your story to be written”