Peace Of Mind: Grief And Time

Today is a bittersweet day to write anything, let alone process the emotions that are running through my head at the moment. But, since it is the third anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, I wanted to write something – anything, really.

Just recently, it was also my blog’s 4th year of being active (May 13th), and my domain name was 2 years old on the date also. And then, my second poetry book, A Cryptic Human Entity, that was self-published on May 16th of 2018, which makes it a year and three days old now.

It’s taken me a long time to find the time to sit down and write like I used to.

These past few months have definitely taken a toll on me, and the ones around me. It has been one obstacle after the other. For someone who doesn’t like even the slightest amount of confrontation, this was more troubling than anything else.

A lot has been achieved, however. Things people never thought was possible of me. And I will continue to fight on and move forward.

I truly want to thank the people in my life as of late, for giving me the strength and courage to stare fear in the face and deal with it, firsthand.

Truth be told, I have dealt with my fair share of struggles, and to this day, I still do. We all have our individual issues in life, and that’s reality.

Soon enough, I hope to be writing more consistently and frequently, but for the time being, it’s just not possible.

This blog is my sanctuary, a place I find peace and inspiration. With the help of faith and love, I am sure that things will improve, and I will be able to articulate what my heart is going through, at a later date.

And also, my birthday is later this month, which I look forward to, oddly enough.

I just wish my grandmother was here to see my progress. There’s not a day where I don’t miss her presence. She was one of the most inspiring women I have ever had the chance to know. My heart is still in disbelief over the loss, as if a piece of me was lost on the day she passed on.

But, I know in my heart, that her soul lives on, and her legacy will never be forgotten. She’ll always be with me, and I just hope that I can make her proud from above.

Death might seem like a morbid subject to some, but it is an inevitable fate, that we all will encounter at some point in life, we just don’t know when that will be.

So, live your lives to the fullest. Cherish the people who love you and the ones who don’t love you, embrace them too. Just stay true to yourself and remember, that with each door that closes, another one opens.

Peace and Love,

Mila.

Cold Weather And Not Enough Sweaters, Life Is Complicated

Maybe it’s just me, or the world has simply become much colder and less pleasant. As if that wasn’t already the case for most of us human creatures.

I was going to post something last night, as it was International Women’s Day, but my brain just could not for the life of me write anything of necessary use. So, I apologize wholeheartedly for that.

Since we’re being honest, I must admit, writing at all has been a massive challenge recently. For some reason, it just doesn’t fit into my life at the moment.

A lot of reasons, most of them personal. Might open up on a later date, but I’ll try and see where it leads.

Updating the blog often is what I am hoping to do, in the next few months. Especially as I start on the new book project and start putting that together.

It is such a journey, all these emotions that come and go, and the people that are seemingly attached to different memories of mine.

Nostalgia petrifies me at times. That need to forget or accept the circumstances of our current state.

May your night be full of love and light.

Mila xo

It Takes You Home

When I was little, I spent a lot of quality time with my grandmother.

She used to knit, whilst I cut up old pieces of clothing to sew together a little cotton bag for myself, or two.

Looking back on it now, it truly sinks in, the realization that you’re gone.

No longer do I see, the smile that lit up the room. Your loving words of encouragement as I began to blossom, like the butterflies in your garden.

Our moments, I cherish more than I ever knew my heart could. This is the reality of losing you.

How Does One Truly Let Go?

The intuitive aspect of unrequited love is clear as day, but the urge to hear from you seems to be clouding my ability to focus. I think I’m more scared of the reaction than I am of anything else.

 

 

Although, I must admit, being here has brought a lot of memories back, like I kind of knew in my heart that it would. Not completely tragic, but it does make me realize what I lost.

 

 

Not sure why it’s so emotive all of a sudden. And I usually keep my thoughts to myself, which is the kind of person I’ve always been, yet tonight it’s been on my mind so much, the need to write was heavier than usual. Excuse the perhaps repetitive nature of my blogging as of recently.

 

 

Next week, I’m sure I’ll be back to my usual self. But until then, I’ll just keep writing until it’s all out of my system for the time being. If only you could turn back the clock and alter the mistakes you made.

Losing You Was My Mistake, An Open Letter To An Old Love

After years of wishing to be present at this place, I’m finally here, in what seemed like the longest mission.

But the sad part is, you’re not part of the equation. You’d probably freak out if you knew, or perhaps that’s just me worrying about your reaction.

Being here is odd, wonderful yet strange. We haven’t spoken in over a year, calling you would probably be a bad idea, so I’m pushing my feelings aside and spilling my emotions here instead.

To be honest or just keep thoughts closed, the question spinning inside my mind.

I want to say what I feel, but at the same time, talking on impulse is never a good scenario when your emotions are on full speed.

People always did say that I was a little too vocal about this dear heart of mine, and without too much thought, ended up alienating myself from the ones I cared about the most.

Ultimately, the person on the wrong side of things was me, despite my denials and trials.

Because of my personal insecurities and stupid ways, I lost an important person in my life, someone who stood by me during the hardest moments, not because I deserved it, but because they cared unconditionally.

That’s what I regret the most, losing you.

And it’s not that I desire things to be back to how they were, or how they should have been, but I cannot deny the fact that I miss the friend I knew and loved, and still do.

PS: You’re a bright star in a dim world.

mind struck a nerve

I had this need to write out my feelings on here and I hope you don’t mind.

Well, my brain is at war with my heart, clearly, because nostalgia has crept into my thoughts again, it’s heavy and demanding. 

Right now it’s four in the morning, and perhaps the lonely hour is upon us, which reminds me of previous late night discussions between me and an old friend; someone who ultimately became a ghost in the shadows. 

The point of this post is, there isn’t one. 

I have no clue as to why I need to express myself in the middle of the night. 

Maybe it’s the longing to see your eyes the minute I wake up in the coming hours, or just the sense of knowing you’re present. To know everything will be fine in the end, that you’ll be here to cushion the impact.

To say that I miss you is an understatement. To say that I didn’t wish for a second chance to know you is greater.

But life can be a bitter lemon, and sometimes, it’s an apple you can sink your teeth into.

Be careful with your heart, but love as if you’ve never been hurt before. Follow your heart, dreams, instinct, gut feeling.

We only have this life; cherish every moment.

a poem for the soul

In life, it feels like the superficial reality of it poisons our system
I never understood what seemed wonderful about lying to yourself.

Continue reading “a poem for the soul”

bad poetry is still poetry

 

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Continue reading “bad poetry is still poetry”

what getting older taught me about life

Today, I would like to discuss something that I’ve always been passionate speaking about.
It’s about how getting older taught me valuable lessons in life, past & presently as well.

For most people, life begins as soon as you start breathing.
Mostly, it’s true and I agree with certain parts to an extent.
However, I felt like it didn’t truly begin until I was old enough to
understand the difference between living and existing, that’s when I
felt my life really started making sense, for the first time in my whole existence.

It sounds a little far-fetched, and perhaps that’s how I see it,
but the definition of life is different for everyone and I can’t even say that
enough times. In my personal experience, what getting older taught me the most is
that life is never as complicated as we might imagine it’d be.
And I say this in my own experience of it, not anyone else’s.
Anyway…getting older taught me to always respect the ones present in life
(except the ones who least deserve it, I let them go) and to never take anything
for granted because the existence of life is never guaranteed. In this age of time,
some of us forget how fragile life is in reality, and how easily it can be taken away
without a single thought. I know this because I lost my dear grandmother this year.
Getting older also helped me learn many valuable lessons,
such as, never count the days in which you live, but count the amount of good energy
that surrounds it, and the amount of wonderful moments created in that space of time.
For me, poetry was always the shoulder to cry on, the support always needed,
which is a big reason why I am putting together a book of poems from my heart,
creating good out of bad experiences, memories I’d rather forget and so forth.
It makes the work more authentic and personal in that sense.‎

breaking points

okdIt starts with a simple trigger, and it ends with an emotional cry of defeat. A passive-aggressive mechanism mastered from the years and pieces of you broken off like you’re society’s doll, robotic to emotion and numb from the chemical imbalance of one’s mind.

What you saw in movies, it became your illusion, the safety blanket you never had as a child, but eventually, the rose-colored lens faded, and you saw the world in all the disgusting hues of reality. Blue became associated with sadness & your lover’s eyes, red became nothing but a reminder of the blood you lost, and the love that decayed along with it.

I wish life was like it seemed when childhood nightmares were only the majority of life’s problems, you could breathe oxygen without being constantly clouded by the loss of your beloved, oh how tragic it felt at the time, but as time goes, you start to feel the hatred building like the blocks you had as a kid, ain’t it funny how tables can twist and turn?