melancholy

I Passed My Course!

This post is going to be more upbeat and positive than the last few (or perhaps I should say ten?)

Yes, still got a lot of things on my mind currently which has been very challenging and awful for my mental health, but I’m still trying to get through life with gratitude and strength.

So, that being said: I passed my course!

Not entirely surprised, I did have a good feeling about taking the exam, so that was nice.

Excuse the lateness of my recent posts on the blog. A lot is on my mind, so bear with me.

Have a great evening, everyone.

Mila. Xo

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Hopeful Thinking

Thoughts all over the place, especially in the last week.

Despite the stresses of it all, I’m still trying to be hopeful. Proves difficult when you’re anxious about certain things, I must admit.

Was thinking to write more this weekend, but it doesn’t necessarily feel right.

Any kind of outlet in the written sense is good enough, for the time being.

I’ll be back tomorrow, but I truly hope everyone has a good evening, stay safe and take care.

Mila. Xo

Melancholy Nights

It’s one of those nights, once again.

Emotions can be complicated, it can also be a difficult thing to talk about when you’re overwhelmed as it is. However, in some ironic way, sometimes that’s the only way I can write. And it’s important to not suppress how you feel either.

I’m currently in the process of writing for the next poetry book, although at this point, when this will be unveiled or released, not too sure.

However, despite feeling less than ideal, I wanted to come on here and just distract myself from my thoughts for a moment. Writing has always been such a good outlet, in many ways.

Anyway, I’ll probably end the post at this for now, until tomorrow.

Take care, stay safe, be kind to yourself and others.

Mila. Xo

Narrative Of A Distant Stranger

With each hiatus, the guilt intensifies. It used to be less complicated, when it came to knowing what to say. It’s like staring in the mirror and not recognizing the face looking back. Call it writer’s blues, an obstacle of sorts, or something else along the lines of that.

Either way, there is a level of comfort in coming back, with a clear head, mindset in a better place. Struggles will come and go, as will many things, including people, memories, experiences and time.

Inspiration and motivation really does come at weird times. It’s almost five in the morning and for some reason, it felt like the right time to sit down with this little notebook on my lap, and just start expressing my thoughts.

Better late (or early) than never, I suppose. Also, I am not entirely sure what the title of this blog post represents, it just sounded nice. Maybe I just used it because I didn’t want to forget it?

It could make a good poetry concept, in the near future. We’ll see, though.

Speaking of poetry, I’ve really been slacking with this third project of mine. For a while now, something didn’t feel right anymore and I think a lot of it has to do with the overall theme of deceit and betrayal. Is it worth pursuing? Of course, there’s a time and place for all things emotive.

Only time will tell what I decide to do, a shift in themes might be good for my mind and soul. Food for thought, honestly. We all need a clean slate.

A little tired at this point, trying not to ramble. There might be some physical changes to the blog soon, not sure yet. I feel like it needs some love and care after being absent for months. A bit of change is therapeutic. For example, I recently cut my hair short and I am loving the current length.

The main reason why I did it was to let my hair recover from years of bleaching, dyeing, and heat styling. If my patience wears away, I might find myself becoming a blonde again by the end of this horrific year. Who knows, I make no solid promises to stay the same.

As I end this blog post, I want to thank the ones who have supported this blog throughout. The world needs more people like you.

Take care, stay safe.


Mila. Xo

Cursed Is The Girl

People always used to tell me, that a creative child usually becomes a troubled adult.

Well, I used to dismiss the theory. It seemed cliché to me, at least, during my teenage years.

Maybe, that was the denial talking. I’ve always wanted to get down to the root cause, but there has been many examples of it.

I often find myself too involved, the mind can play tricks if you allow it, but it can also help you untangle past behaviors, patterns that seem to align, things you simply can’t shake off.

If my brain was an internal drive, which in many ways, it is, I doubt it would be in a solid state.

As technology progresses, I hope it evolves in a way that changes lives and enhances their sense of knowledge in more ways than just one or the other.

The other thing I find myself worrying about, is the high expectations on my shoulders and the validation that comes along with it, or lack of, if I’m honest.

Existence & Purpose

When you lose your identity in the recycling bin, how do you find that part of you again?

I’m beginning to think, I have a long way to go.

Ever since I can remember, I associated my willingness to help others as my main source of purpose.

On this journey, I have come to understand everything a lot clearer.

It’s hard to articulate this in a way that wouldn’t offend. I’ve suppressed it all to the point where I just go along with the chaos. I don’t like it, even freaks me out most days. Back in the day, this blog was my only sanctuary for all these thoughts. It still is, but to a lesser extent.

To share is one thing, it’s one of the only things that make sense anymore.

Everything else is a blank, quite honestly. I could write a book about this, my mind is an abyss of thought, a lot of it has never been fully dissected nor processed.

To say that I am currently lost in the archive is an understatement. There’s so much I have yet to learn, to see, to experience.

I often wonder, what is my purpose, guide me to where I am meant to stand.

Is this modern world for an old soul like mine? Who knows.

Anyway, excuse the rambling. This is the first blog post where I haven’t been feeling empty. Let’s hope the new decade brings a lot of better days.

Love,

Mila. Xo

Corners Of The Mind

Grief is such a complex thing to deal with. One minute, you’re absolutely fine, and the next, you could easily find yourself in a melancholy state.

There is never a day where I don’t miss my grandmother, and I do wish that she was still on this Earth.

She’s in a better place now, something I have to bear in mind, each time I feel like this.

Peace Of Mind: Grief And Time

Today is a bittersweet day to write anything, let alone process the emotions that are running through my head at the moment. But, since it is the third anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, I wanted to write something – anything, really.

Just recently, it was also my blog’s 4th year of being active (May 13th), and my domain name was 2 years old on the date also. And then, my second poetry book, A Cryptic Human Entity, that was self-published on May 16th of 2018, which makes it a year and three days old now.

It’s taken me a long time to find the time to sit down and write like I used to.

These past few months have definitely taken a toll on me, and the ones around me. It has been one obstacle after the other. For someone who doesn’t like even the slightest amount of confrontation, this was more troubling than anything else.

A lot has been achieved, however. Things people never thought was possible of me. And I will continue to fight on and move forward.

I truly want to thank the people in my life as of late, for giving me the strength and courage to stare fear in the face and deal with it, firsthand.

Truth be told, I have dealt with my fair share of struggles, and to this day, I still do. We all have our individual issues in life, and that’s reality.

Soon enough, I hope to be writing more consistently and frequently, but for the time being, it’s just not possible.

This blog is my sanctuary, a place I find peace and inspiration. With the help of faith and love, I am sure that things will improve, and I will be able to articulate what my heart is going through, at a later date.

And also, my birthday is later this month, which I look forward to, oddly enough.

I just wish my grandmother was here to see my progress. There’s not a day where I don’t miss her presence. She was one of the most inspiring women I have ever had the chance to know. My heart is still in disbelief over the loss, as if a piece of me was lost on the day she passed on.

But, I know in my heart, that her soul lives on, and her legacy will never be forgotten. She’ll always be with me, and I just hope that I can make her proud from above.

Death might seem like a morbid subject to some, but it is an inevitable fate, that we all will encounter at some point in life, we just don’t know when that will be.

So, live your lives to the fullest. Cherish the people who love you and the ones who don’t love you, embrace them too. Just stay true to yourself and remember, that with each door that closes, another one opens.

Peace and Love,

Mila.

Cold Weather And Not Enough Sweaters, Life Is Complicated

Maybe it’s just me, or the world has simply become much colder and less pleasant. As if that wasn’t already the case for most of us human creatures.

I was going to post something last night, as it was International Women’s Day, but my brain just could not for the life of me write anything of necessary use. So, I apologize wholeheartedly for that.

Since we’re being honest, I must admit, writing at all has been a massive challenge recently. For some reason, it just doesn’t fit into my life at the moment.

A lot of reasons, most of them personal. Might open up on a later date, but I’ll try and see where it leads.

Updating the blog often is what I am hoping to do, in the next few months. Especially as I start on the new book project and start putting that together.

It is such a journey, all these emotions that come and go, and the people that are seemingly attached to different memories of mine.

Nostalgia petrifies me at times. That need to forget or accept the circumstances of our current state.

May your night be full of love and light.

Mila xo

For Granted

I wrapped my thoughts in denial, thinking it would change the outcome.

To bite your tongue and accept the reality of things, I’ve always taken for granted.

Clarity in front of you, to seek your trust and guide you towards hope.