For Granted

I wrapped my thoughts in denial, thinking it would change the outcome.

To bite your tongue and accept the reality of things, I’ve always taken for granted.

Clarity in front of you, to seek your trust and guide you towards hope.

Hours That Follow, A Poem Draft From Book #3

There’s something about the midnight hour, I can’t understand how it works, or if it calms my soul enough to heal my battle wounds.

Either way, it builds my core, to the point of nausea. You push yourself to the edge and somehow recover, just to fall back on your word again.

It’s a continuous cycle, the same routine of thought, as time leads you on a journey.

You can either hide in denial, or confront your darkest personality traits in depth.

To cut ties with fear of abandonment, a need for approval; Am I losing touch with reality or am I too aware of my own weaknesses and destructive mindset?

It takes a lot to admit defeat, and admit that you’re a broken individual.

So for the time being, love your fellow entities that surround the halls of your mind. For the present hour, cherish the hours that follow.

Be fearless, love the obstacles that test you. Kill the fear that haunts your path.

Free the mind, cure the anxiety of not knowing what’s going to happen next.

breaking points

okdIt starts with a simple trigger, and it ends with an emotional cry of defeat. A passive-aggressive mechanism mastered from the years and pieces of you broken off like you’re society’s doll, robotic to emotion and numb from the chemical imbalance of one’s mind.

What you saw in movies, it became your illusion, the safety blanket you never had as a child, but eventually, the rose-colored lens faded, and you saw the world in all the disgusting hues of reality. Blue became associated with sadness & your lover’s eyes, red became nothing but a reminder of the blood you lost, and the love that decayed along with it.

I wish life was like it seemed when childhood nightmares were only the majority of life’s problems, you could breathe oxygen without being constantly clouded by the loss of your beloved, oh how tragic it felt at the time, but as time goes, you start to feel the hatred building like the blocks you had as a kid, ain’t it funny how tables can twist and turn?

 

triple threat

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Been so inspired today, it got me thinking about book ideas & what I want it all to be like.
Continue reading

the day after

found myself writing a lot now, I don’t know if it’s out of guilt for abandoning my blog or if it’s because I have all these emotions I need to get out of my system in a decent expressive way.

I find myself rambling on, not caring if anyone gives a damn because the only opinion that should matter is my own, but at the same time, validation of my own words will always weigh heavy on my mind regardless.

if only I could live without a care in the world. there’s a lot of me I don’t show the people I love, the darker, the twisted parts of my personality that I simply hide between poetry and numbness.

I know it’ll never amount to complete and utter success, and that clichéd poets rarely find their mark on people’s lives, but my heart wants none but soul and heartfelt connection.

open letter to my 18 year old self

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Dear you,

It’s been a crazy time in life but it’s getting better each day, the chaos is still present but I know obstacles are there to help me face the fears I need to the most. I wish you were as confident as you are today, if only I knew the blossoming process of the heart would begin just after that specific moment in time. There’s been love, there’s been heartbreak, and most recently; the loss of the grandmother who shaped your heart into the one it is today. She’s at peace and no longer in pain and that’s what you should always remind yourself of in times of grief and sadness. It will hurt and the pain never truly goes away, but as you appreciate each day and each breath, you’ll be making her so proud way up from above.

Creativity wise, keep writing, never lose sight of your dreams and keep going until you reach that damn goal of yours. Poetry is not about what it brings you, but more about the joy it brings to write your heart out, regardless if you’re rambling or simply expressing.

Love on the other hand, is something you shouldn’t focus on too much right now. Focus on your own wellbeing before walking into the path of companionship. Appreciate the friends that have been there from day one and remember that life goes on no matter if someone leaves you or you leave them. I know you’re not in the right state of heart to love again, neither should you force yourself to be with someone for the sake of being in the company of anyone. Love at the right time, love the person who truly deserves you and let go of the ones who do not deserve your time and affection, because they don’t appreciate it, rather less than you originally had thought. Focus on you and you’ll be in a much happier place of mind because of it.

I thought writing this letter would be a good idea because I wish you knew how great life is and how good it can be, in the company of the right people and the family that loves you.

Life is a blossoming flower, for it to grow, you need to nurture the mind, feed the soul a lot of love and care, take care of the heart that beats for you and always appreciate each moment of life because you never know when it will end.

twenty

My last day of being 20, nearly heading off to 21. I find it bittersweet because my late grandfather’s birthday should have been today, and it’s officially a week since my grandmother passed away. I find time is never truly appreciated until it’s nearly gone
and since I lost her, time is something I pay attention to more than ever before, honestly.

It’s crazy how a loss such as this was a wake-up call for me and all of my family. I’ve been looking through childhood photos and I still can’t speak of her in past tense, it still hasn’t sunk in that I’ll never see her again. I guess sometimes we need a lot of rain to create a beautiful rainbow of hope. Sigh, nostalgia lane. Yeah, this isn’t exactly a great blog post but it’s something dear to my heart and I find myself forgetting that a lot of the time.

As of midnight, I’ll be taking a moment to remember my grandparents.
Sometimes, we all need that silence to clear our path and build upon life.

devil called lust

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A girl with a whole heart to spill emotional damage, boys and girls never understood the meaning of her tense demeanor until it punched them in the face. Sinners were no match for this heart of tricks, she took a breath away in seconds and you never forgot her face. Continue reading

tell-tale signs of inner change

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I found solace in the dark, more than I found loneliness in the corners of my mind
and that has always comforted me to an extent; yet nostalgia walks this road too
my faithful companion as usual, never too far away if and when I need a hand.

Depression is like the weather; it comes and it goes, leaving you in a state
of never knowing when it will break you next or if it will at all?

Suffering can be almost non-visible to the naked eye, but not to your soul
because you’ll always have that anxious, gut-wrenching instinct. I believe so.

Hard to describe, this really is. Seven years and I’m still lost in translation
of what it really means, or what it does to your state of mind.

But I am certain, it changes everything about you.