Blessings In Disguise

Figured I would sit down and get this written up before I go to bed in a while. The day’s not been too bad, a little predictable at times, but that is to be expected.

Anyway, I feel hopeful about the week so far. Routine is pretty much the same each day, although I enjoy the structure of it. Brings some kind of joy to the current circumstances of life.

I do feel incredibly blessed for the ones I know, the people I have gotten to know better over the years, and the ones I have yet to encounter on this journey.

So fortunate for my faith, my continuous sense of hope despite everything that I’ve experienced. And I’m grateful for my guardian angels above, the maternal grandmother I knew and loved very much. And also, the paternal grandmother that I never got to meet.

Some people I prefer not to mention, for other reasons, but I’ll leave it at that. In recent years, I’ve tried my best to forgive and bear no grudges. All it does is weigh your soul down, and it’s not worth the inner sorrow.

If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: trust in God.

Stay safe and well, be kind, and God bless you all.


Mila. Xo





Peaceful Sunday



Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!

Quite an early write, I say as I write at 9:30pm on this surprisingly wonderful Sunday evening.

Apart from a few things I have to do still, I’ve completed the majority of what I wanted to achieve today, so that’s a good start.

Despite the slight overthinking that lingered from last night, I feel better, and I managed to get my package from the next door neighbor, it was an order from Candy Kittens, to be specific. I don’t really have a sweet tooth anymore, but when/if I do, those are good. Not too sweet/sour, just right.

The reward system my mobile network provider operates has some good moments, free treats are hard to refuse if the price of shipping isn’t too expensive, haha.

Anyway, I feel like I’m rambling and losing my train of thought. I can talk for hours, which some might find hard to believe as I do have my introverted tendencies.

Plus, the heating works and we’re finally out of the minus degree weather.

I don’t really have much to add, except those few feelings and thoughts of mine tonight. I do want to start writing more poetry and other length material, if anyone’s interested in that kind of stuff.

Not the best at it, but who really is? Even the most talented writers have their own imperfections, which is not a bad thing. No one is perfect.

Might talk more about this over the next week or so.

I do believe I might possibly release something this year, but we’ll see. There’s a lot going on in the world, which is quite evident for a lot of us.

Well, I’ll end this post at that. Hope you’re having a good day/night.


Mila. Xo



Toxicity Of Social Media



What a chaotic day in the world, to be honest.

Violence is never the answer, and that’s something I truly stand by, in times of great difficulty and turmoil. That being said, there are people with good intentions, and people with bad intentions. Sometimes, it can be hard to distinguish one from the other.

It only shows the true colors of society, humanity as we know it is on thin ice. It’s 2021 and there’s still a lot to accomplish until we can honestly say that change has occurred. Until then, only time will tell what happens next.

At times, I’m glad I often refrain from reading every article out there, all the fear and pain of the world can be a lot to bear on one’s shoulders. Hopefully, as we evolve as human beings, society’s thoughts and views will too.

The toxicity of social media can be very damaging, a limited amount is just enough to go about your daily life. Of course, there are many pros and cons to any platform or website: censorship (we all know there needs to be boundaries but too much is too much), algorithms that are flawed, news that is not always as great as it could be. I could go on, but I’m sure everyone knows what I mean.

I’ve never understood the ones who are submerged in the waters of their online presence. Of course, there are many great things and people that have emerged from the digital world, but there’s also a lot of negativity, unnecessary hatred, bullying, discrimination and lack of equality.

We need more love and kindness in the world. Empathy lacks and so does accountability and gratitude. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, which makes today even more important to appreciate. Better late than never, I say.

I wish all of you nothing but the best and I hope you’re staying safe.


Mila. Xo

High Expectations And Validation From Within

This has been a constant note to self since 2020 began, almost two weeks ago. You don’t need validation from others to be happy.

It doesn’t mean you’re not going to try and get it from other people, or find peace of mind in it. I often compare it to an abyss, the anxieties and self-doubt that comes from the need of validation is not at all helpful.

So many times, I have felt in need of it, and I still don’t understand why, and sure, there are people who have different qualities and different skills, comparing myself to them will only hold me back from achieving what I know in my heart, that I am capable of. It is easier said than done, but with enough patience and faith, anything is possible. And it will happen, when it is meant to.

Until then, I’ll just have to be patient and kind to myself.

Writing Session #21

Here’s a little poem I wrote just now. It’s untitled and a work in progress…

 

Solitude is a necessity, when your mind is louder than people,
And a comfort for the soul, if lonely at heart

The older, the wiser. Or perhaps, that’s a lie we tell ourselves?

Wandering thoughts and lingering words
All wrapped in white lies and finely preserved

Writing Session #19

Tonight, I think of my grandmother. Every month, on the 19th, my heart takes a moment to remember the incredible person she was. Losing her made me re-think all aspects of my life. Grief opened up my eyes completely. And for that, I am grateful. Miss you dearly.

Writing Session #7

Today felt slightly peculiar. I was nostalgic for a moment or two, longing for a familiar face that no longer co-exists on my path. You could say that I was speechless, perhaps taken aback of the memories that were flashing before my eyes. Out of all times to feel such a sudden, yet emotive pull. People often dare say that I; There must be something off with you.

My heart is a chord you often strike, like a puppet to their master, I am yours to manipulate in any which way. A collection of thoughts, that have a mind of their own. They see home in hollow bed sheets and in lustful perfume. They see home inside of you.

Tonight felt, awkwardly the same. I was always ashamed to admit that I loved you, but in the sense that love goes as it came. Perhaps, as I like to often say; There is something off with you, but I’d like to know more, about the you in the archive of dreams. Within arms.

How Does One Truly Let Go?

The intuitive aspect of unrequited love is clear as day, but the urge to hear from you seems to be clouding my ability to focus. I think I’m more scared of the reaction than I am of anything else.

 

 

Although, I must admit, being here has brought a lot of memories back, like I kind of knew in my heart that it would. Not completely tragic, but it does make me realize what I lost.

 

 

Not sure why it’s so emotive all of a sudden. And I usually keep my thoughts to myself, which is the kind of person I’ve always been, yet tonight it’s been on my mind so much, the need to write was heavier than usual. Excuse the perhaps repetitive nature of my blogging as of recently.

 

 

Next week, I’m sure I’ll be back to my usual self. But until then, I’ll just keep writing until it’s all out of my system for the time being. If only you could turn back the clock and alter the mistakes you made.

Losing You Was My Mistake, An Open Letter To An Old Love

After years of wishing to be present at this place, I’m finally here, in what seemed like the longest mission.

But the sad part is, you’re not part of the equation. You’d probably freak out if you knew, or perhaps that’s just me worrying about your reaction.

Being here is odd, wonderful yet strange. We haven’t spoken in over a year, calling you would probably be a bad idea, so I’m pushing my feelings aside and spilling my emotions here instead.

To be honest or just keep thoughts closed, the question spinning inside my mind.

I want to say what I feel, but at the same time, talking on impulse is never a good scenario when your emotions are on full speed.

People always did say that I was a little too vocal about this dear heart of mine, and without too much thought, ended up alienating myself from the ones I cared about the most.

Ultimately, the person on the wrong side of things was me, despite my denials and trials.

Because of my personal insecurities and stupid ways, I lost an important person in my life, someone who stood by me during the hardest moments, not because I deserved it, but because they cared unconditionally.

That’s what I regret the most, losing you.

And it’s not that I desire things to be back to how they were, or how they should have been, but I cannot deny the fact that I miss the friend I knew and loved, and still do.

PS: You’re a bright star in a dim world.