We all have our fears, and those moments of being scared to fail. Whether it’s work related, academically or any other challenge we face as life progresses on.
Truth be told, people achieve things at different stages of life, and that’s okay. We don’t all have it figured out at 18, 25, or even in our 30’s.
In the society we currently find ourselves a part of, we’ve been conditioned to believe that success is measured in the superficial, idealistic and materialistic.
Yes, some might be more knowledgeable, confident and perhaps better equipped than others. But it doesn’t mean that other people’s contribution as a whole is not as important.
The idea that we’re only worthy of a decent life if we work more hours than our mind can handle, and we look a certain way, act a certain way. Keeping up appearances might be sustainable in the short-term, but the facade of it all will come crashing down, eventually.
Don’t even get me started on how much I can’t stand the hypocrisy of equality and the lack of it in society. We have a lot of laws in place about treating people fairly, but so much of it is just empty words at this point.
Nothing is ever what it appears to be, I know that much.
Different rules apply for different people, which has been in plain sight for many years. We have a long way to go until we achieve any kind of fairness in the world. There’s a lot to work on, and only time will tell how that goes.
When some people say “reality is stranger than fiction”, it’s safe to say, you’re right. If the world needs more of anything, I can think of quite a few things.
The world needs more compassion, fairness, love, empathy, kindness.
Saying goodbye is the hardest thing, especially when the person does not recognize who you are anymore and you could not communicate due to a language barrier that once didn’t exist, not to mention the distance between you and I for the longest of time. That’s what happened in the months before you left this Earth.
Today marks five years without the most loving, compassionate, selfless grandmother a young woman could ever have wished for. It feels just like yesterday when I got the call no one wants to get.
As much as I tried to prepare myself for this moment to arrive because I understood that it was inevitable, it was still one of the most painful moments of my life. Talking about this woman in the past-tense never gets easier, the first few years of grieving the loss, I truly felt numb, crying felt impossible because I was so in denial.
To this day, I cherish our last conversation. You said my name in such a delicate tone, you asked me how my day was, and you said you loved me.
Whenever I have a moment of sadness, or just a tough day in general, I think of you and I smile. You showed me what it means to be strong, your bravery and strength through it all was powerful beyond words, you are truly my hero, my guardian angel above, alongside the other beautiful souls who are up there with you.
What has also made me feel closer to my late grandmother is one of middle names, which is hers and it is right next to my first name, I really find comfort in that. And I also find comfort in faith, because my grandmother kept it near and dear to her heart all her life, until the end.
Immensely grateful for the years I got to know you, you’ll always be so important to me and remembered for your kind heart, nurturing nature and a lot more.
Grief can be such a wake-up call, it makes you appreciate life, love and family more than ever. Of course, bear in mind, the complexity will always be there, regardless of time.
Cherish the ones you love, be kind, take care of you and others and God bless you all.
I’m personally conflicted on how to feel about tomorrow, grief is complex, that’s just the reality of it. There’s definitely a lot more to talk about on the day and I will be dedicating the next post to my late grandmother.
To think that it has been five years (tomorrow) is so unreal, it truly does make you realize the importance of family. I’ll honestly never forget that phone call.
All you can do is try and find comfort in knowing the person is no longer in pain and free of the suffering. Regardless of how long it’s been or how short, loss is loss. Grief will always be there with you.
What I do want to do as time goes on, is celebrate that person’s life and all the wonderful memories we shared. I’m sure that they would have wanted that.
Anyway, life is precious, don’t take it for granted, and just live each day to the fullest. That’s something I am trying to, as difficult as that can be at times.
I hope it’s been a wonderful day, and that the end of the weekend isn’t too bittersweet.
Apart from a few things to do, I’ve mainly just taken the time to unwind, clear my mind and focus on self-care for the most part.
There’s a few things that have plagued my thoughts in the last couple of days, but it should all be okay. Keeping yourself balanced can be difficult, especially if you have worries about someone or something.
Happy Friday, to all of you. I hope it’s been a good start to your weekend.
Found myself taking naps a lot during the day, I felt like it was needed, and now here I am, making another late night addition to the blog. This has been such a wonderful Friday, a good one indeed.
As it’s Good Friday, I definitely wanted to spend some time reflecting, nurturing my mind and soul with mindful thinking and it’s very beneficial, in a lot of ways.
I feel so blessed to have my family and friends in my life, they are the most important people ever, when things change and we can see each other again, in a more consistent way, things will definitely improve for the better.
I wanted to dedicate this post to my loved ones, because today’s events have really highlighted the importance of gratitude, appreciating the people we know, the memories we have, the time we spend on this Earth.
So incredibly grateful for my faith too, it really keeps me humble, and it brings comfort to my heart in times of anxiety and stress. Bear in mind, this is my own personal experience with religion, and of course, every person’s life experiences are different, we have our individual paths, journeys, ways of coping and all else.
Felt compelled to get my emotions out tonight, it’s been a long day and heavily emotive. I have a lot to say, not everything leaves the draft section of my mind or the notes on my phone, but sharing my thoughts in moments like these, it makes me feel better.
Over the years, I definitely have tried to become a better version of myself, to learn and grow from the past. Each day is different, there’s good days and bad days, as well as all of those in-between.
Learning how to manage and balance all of this is tricky sometimes, that’s the complexity of being human. So, to conclude this post, feel free to share your own feelings and thoughts, let me know what’s going on in your life and what you’re grateful for. God bless you all.
I’m feeling quite anxious today, and I have to get up super early tomorrow morning to accomplish some uncomfortable tasks, mainly phone calls that I really don’t want to make, but I have to. It’s not necessarily a big deal, although my overthinking brain says otherwise.
Just want to get this over and done with, I know I’ll feel better once it’s sorted. For the rest of the evening, I’m just trying to unwind and relax, which is easier said than done, in my opinion.
Anyway, to end the post on a slight more positive note, I wanted to express my gratitude to my family and friends, who are the best support system a young woman could have in life.
There’s a chance I might ramble tonight, my emotions have been all over the place, so bear with me. It’s been a rough day, in terms of lacking motivation and not feeling like myself.
One of those days, mother nature does not make things any easier, so there’s that. I managed to get it together later on in the day; did a 30 minute workout, took all my supplements, did my skincare, ate consistently throughout the day, got some new groceries in the morning.
So, all in all, I got through the worst of what I was feeling.
As much as sleeping all day and eating junk was an option, I decided to get on with my daily routine, and stay productive. I’m really glad I did, because I feel a lot better.
Not giving in to temptation is something I’m proud of. In the past, I thought the best way to feel better was to eat junk, distract myself with sleep or binge watch a show or two. All those things are okay to do in moderation, but it doesn’t solve the problem.
I’m trying to teach myself discipline, self-control in terms of food and what I consume on a regular basis. Working on these things is not easy, you don’t change habits overnight, but over time, it becomes easier to manage and keep under control.
You have to dig deep, when it comes to understanding why you do certain things, and the predictable patterns that arise as a result. Once you understand the root cause, that’s when you can properly begin the healing process.
Trauma of any kind is hard to process, and it can take a long time to face it, acknowledge it, be able to speak about it, and also, learn to heal from it and move forward.
Every person’s journey is different, and that’s something I always bear in mind when talking about my own experiences in life, what I’ve been through and how it made me the person I am today.
I think I’ll leave it at that for now, I might elaborate further in future posts on the blog. Excuse the essay tonight, it’s not often I get so invested in what I write, although that is the whole point of DAYDREAM MADNESS.
This is my sanctuary of thought, where I can speak openly and feel a sense of comfort. Writing has always been a powerful outlet for me, it helped me through some dark times, which I’ll be forever grateful for.