What a chaotic day in the world, to be honest.
Violence is never the answer, and that’s something I truly stand by, in times of great difficulty and turmoil. That being said, there are people with good intentions, and people with bad intentions. Sometimes, it can be hard to distinguish one from the other.
It only shows the true colors of society, humanity as we know it is on thin ice. It’s 2021 and there’s still a lot to accomplish until we can honestly say that change has occurred. Until then, only time will tell what happens next.
At times, I’m glad I often refrain from reading every article out there, all the fear and pain of the world can be a lot to bear on one’s shoulders. Hopefully, as we evolve as human beings, society’s thoughts and views will too.
The toxicity of social media can be very damaging, a limited amount is just enough to go about your daily life. Of course, there are many pros and cons to any platform or website: censorship (we all know there needs to be boundaries but too much is too much), algorithms that are flawed, news that is not always as great as it could be. I could go on, but I’m sure everyone knows what I mean.
I’ve never understood the ones who are submerged in the waters of their online presence. Of course, there are many great things and people that have emerged from the digital world, but there’s also a lot of negativity, unnecessary hatred, bullying, discrimination and lack of equality.
We need more love and kindness in the world. Empathy lacks and so does accountability and gratitude. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, which makes today even more important to appreciate. Better late than never, I say.
I wish all of you nothing but the best and I hope you’re staying safe.
This has been a constant note to self since 2020 began, almost two weeks ago. You don’t need validation from others to be happy.
It doesn’t mean you’re not going to try and get it from other people, or find peace of mind in it. I often compare it to an abyss, the anxieties and self-doubt that comes from the need of validation is not at all helpful.
So many times, I have felt in need of it, and I still don’t understand why, and sure, there are people who have different qualities and different skills, comparing myself to them will only hold me back from achieving what I know in my heart, that I am capable of. It is easier said than done, but with enough patience and faith, anything is possible. And it will happen, when it is meant to.
Until then, I’ll just have to be patient and kind to myself.
Here’s a little poem I wrote just now. It’s untitled and a work in progress…
Solitude is a necessity, when your mind is louder than people,
And a comfort for the soul, if lonely at heart
The older, the wiser. Or perhaps, that’s a lie we tell ourselves?
Wandering thoughts and lingering words
All wrapped in white lies and finely preserved
Tonight, I think of my grandmother. Every month, on the 19th, my heart takes a moment to remember the incredible person she was. Losing her made me re-think all aspects of my life. Grief opened up my eyes completely. And for that, I am grateful. Miss you dearly.
Today felt slightly peculiar. I was nostalgic for a moment or two, longing for a familiar face that no longer co-exists on my path. You could say that I was speechless, perhaps taken aback of the memories that were flashing before my eyes. Out of all times to feel such a sudden, yet emotive pull. People often dare say that I; There must be something off with you.
My heart is a chord you often strike, like a puppet to their master, I am yours to manipulate in any which way. A collection of thoughts, that have a mind of their own. They see home in hollow bed sheets and in lustful perfume. They see home inside of you.
Tonight felt, awkwardly the same. I was always ashamed to admit that I loved you, but in the sense that love goes as it came. Perhaps, as I like to often say; There is something off with you, but I’d like to know more, about the you in the archive of dreams. Within arms.
The intuitive aspect of unrequited love is clear as day, but the urge to hear from you seems to be clouding my ability to focus. I think I’m more scared of the reaction than I am of anything else.
Although, I must admit, being here has brought a lot of memories back, like I kind of knew in my heart that it would. Not completely tragic, but it does make me realize what I lost.
Not sure why it’s so emotive all of a sudden. And I usually keep my thoughts to myself, which is the kind of person I’ve always been, yet tonight it’s been on my mind so much, the need to write was heavier than usual. Excuse the perhaps repetitive nature of my blogging as of recently.
Next week, I’m sure I’ll be back to my usual self. But until then, I’ll just keep writing until it’s all out of my system for the time being. If only you could turn back the clock and alter the mistakes you made.
After years of wishing to be present at this place, I’m finally here, in what seemed like the longest mission.
But the sad part is, you’re not part of the equation. You’d probably freak out if you knew, or perhaps that’s just me worrying about your reaction.
Being here is odd, wonderful yet strange. We haven’t spoken in over a year, calling you would probably be a bad idea, so I’m pushing my feelings aside and spilling my emotions here instead.
To be honest or just keep thoughts closed, the question spinning inside my mind.
I want to say what I feel, but at the same time, talking on impulse is never a good scenario when your emotions are on full speed.
People always did say that I was a little too vocal about this dear heart of mine, and without too much thought, ended up alienating myself from the ones I cared about the most.
Ultimately, the person on the wrong side of things was me, despite my denials and trials.
Because of my personal insecurities and stupid ways, I lost an important person in my life, someone who stood by me during the hardest moments, not because I deserved it, but because they cared unconditionally.
That’s what I regret the most, losing you.
And it’s not that I desire things to be back to how they were, or how they should have been, but I cannot deny the fact that I miss the friend I knew and loved, and still do.
PS: You’re a bright star in a dim world.
Every person will encounter lust and infatuation at some point in their lives,
but knowing where to draw the line is another story.
Wanted to share a poem with you today. This will be in my poetry book when it’s finally published. Title & release date is yet to be announced but this piece will give you a clue if you read down the starting points. Or perhaps it already sounds familiar?
This piece is called “MUSES & ARCHIVED EMOTIONS”
“This is a recent poem I wrote, titled: Under The Moonlight, a simple expression of how love can be a one-way street, and how letting go is harder than the actual falling in love“