tell-tale signs of inner change

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I found solace in the dark, more than I found loneliness in the corners of my mind
and that has always comforted me to an extent; yet nostalgia walks this road too
my faithful companion as usual, never too far away if and when I need a hand.

Depression is like the weather; it comes and it goes, leaving you in a state
of never knowing when it will break you next or if it will at all?

Suffering can be almost non-visible to the naked eye, but not to your soul
because you’ll always have that anxious, gut-wrenching instinct. I believe so.

Hard to describe, this really is. Seven years and I’m still lost in translation
of what it really means, or what it does to your state of mind.

But I am certain, it changes everything about you.

ghost of your past

It began harmlessly enough, I never expected it to change my perspective of love,
but with all departures; will come sadness. Suddenly, you’re lost in the madness.

Had a charm for days, a smile that could make anyone’s stomach fill
with butterflies just from a simple look. It was muse at first glance
and as I look again on it, maybe it was meant to happen.

hopes

You gave me this vibe – a sentimental yet swiftly cold aura, I knew in my heart I’d place you in the depths of my heart. As much as I like to deny it for all it is worth, you truly got me struck with 3 words. From the hello that shaped our moments, to the silent goodbye-
and the spiral of repetition cycles, this was true; regardless of what you think of us now.

”Pistanthrophobia; the fear of trusting

Drove me mad, but kept me happy. Made me cry, yet you’re the rays of sun on my face,
we made a mess of our time, something we’ll never get back, but I’ll treasure this
and it doesn’t matter if we don’t ever speak again, having you once was enough.
I am not your only love, neither would I expect it from a heart of such charm
although it does get to me, how I’m now the ghost of your past.

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Surely, it must have meant the world to you at some point,
or maybe it did not- since you didn’t love me at first chance.

I wish I could understand your reasons for letting go,
because it’d bring me well-needed peace.

I can only hold on to the memories we built-
and the ones we never had the chance to.

semi-conscious belonging

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Never truly had the balance, nor the patience
to really be in sync with reality’s harsh brutality.
I’ve always coated my blues with hues of nostalgia
and rose colored shade of happier times in tact.

I see relief when I stand in the pouring rain as it falls,
a sense of weightlessness when a melody strikes my ears,
it feels like I can’t be torn apart, almost like I’m indestructible.

it’s like a kiss of calm; something I rarely feel,
and sadness feels like a distant memory.

“Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little,
love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that – I love life.
But it is hard, and I have so much – so very much to learn.”

Sylvia Plath.

note to self & others:

We’ve survived another 365 days of endless mayhem & crazy moments,
as we end this year with a bang, we take a look down memory lane.

We remember all the moments that changed us, bettered us, hurt us.
& regardless, we are grateful; for those have made us stronger as a whole.

Although we have a long journey to go, we continue to grow as souls.

It’s been quite a year, some moments better than others,
perhaps a balance; of all things, strange & un-expected.

Personally, it’s been one hell of a realization for me, myself & I.
I’m grateful for everything though, it helped me discover a lot
and it makes me more eager to explore what’s next to come.

And to whoever has struggled this year: we’ve made it!
I’m so proud of anyone who has struggled & yet still fought on
it’s not easy to deal with our problems, it’s endless at times
but getting through it despite it all is an accomplishment.

With each year, we learn more about ourselves as a whole,
we discover parts of us we never knew existed
as well as finding strength we never knew we had.

This year has been full of risks, anxious moments,
self-loathing, overthinking, but we still made it through.

I have a good feeling about 2016 though, it’s kind of nice.

Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone!

I hope it’s a good one for you and even if it isn’t
then just know that you’re worth so much.

Stay strong, I love you all!

 

nostalgia bites

It’s been a long time to forbid emotions to run like a water tap
love drips all into my heart and I am lost for words
mainly because it’s drowning in lust

The image of yours is stuck in my brain like a virus
I can’t get rid of you nor do I want to erase you
from my heart, or my brain, or my dreams

I am taken aback by these strong waves of depth
intense nostalgia running through my head
forever lost in standing time.

Welcome To My Sanctuary Of Mind

I’m simply a young woman with a passion for poetry and writing, and it’s been this way for as long as I can remember. My goal is to publish a book of poems and share pieces
of my own being with others. And to inspire others to not give up on their dreams.

Continue reading “Welcome To My Sanctuary Of Mind”