Cursed Is The Girl

People always used to tell me, that a creative child usually becomes a troubled adult.

Well, I used to dismiss the theory. It seemed cliché to me, at least, during my teenage years.

Maybe, that was the denial talking. I’ve always wanted to get down to the root cause, but there has been many examples of it.

I often find myself too involved, the mind can play tricks if you allow it, but it can also help you untangle past behaviors, patterns that seem to align, things you simply can’t shake off.

If my brain was an internal drive, which in many ways, it is, I doubt it would be in a solid state.

As technology progresses, I hope it evolves in a way that changes lives and enhances their sense of knowledge in more ways than just one or the other.

The other thing I find myself worrying about, is the high expectations on my shoulders and the validation that comes along with it, or lack of, if I’m honest.

Hoping For Better Days

I do find myself focused on gratitude, more often than previously.

Off to sleep shortly, and I’m hoping for a clearer mind and inspired heart tomorrow.

There’s a lot to be grateful for, and I’m trying not to forget that. May you all have a blessed night, or day, depending on your timezone.

Love,

Mila.

Existence & Purpose

When you lose your identity in the recycling bin, how do you find that part of you again?

I’m beginning to think, I have a long way to go.

Ever since I can remember, I associated my willingness to help others as my main source of purpose.

On this journey, I have come to understand everything a lot clearer.

It’s hard to articulate this in a way that wouldn’t offend. I’ve suppressed it all to the point where I just go along with the chaos. I don’t like it, even freaks me out most days. Back in the day, this blog was my only sanctuary for all these thoughts. It still is, but to a lesser extent.

To share is one thing, it’s one of the only things that make sense anymore.

Everything else is a blank, quite honestly. I could write a book about this, my mind is an abyss of thought, a lot of it has never been fully dissected nor processed.

To say that I am currently lost in the archive is an understatement. There’s so much I have yet to learn, to see, to experience.

I often wonder, what is my purpose, guide me to where I am meant to stand.

Is this modern world for an old soul like mine? Who knows.

Anyway, excuse the rambling. This is the first blog post where I haven’t been feeling empty. Let’s hope the new decade brings a lot of better days.

Love,

Mila. Xo

Mediocre Tendencies

Creativity is both a blessing and a curse.

Well, I’m not completely good at writing. I love it with a passion, despite the competitive nature of the craft.

The freedom to openly express your train of thought, it is a wonderful part of the whole process. There are good days, blank days, sometimes you have no direction.

I’m not a perfect writer, nor do I claim to be. It’s complicated, like most hobbies and interests.

Being an introvert and poetic isn’t very helpful either. One day at a time, I’m hoping to appreciate my work more, and to worry less about everything.

Being a self-proclaimed perfectionist is a challenge. You won’t stop until you’re different from everyone else.

Midnight Writes

I always find myself writing late at night. There’s something about the peace and solitude that comes with it.

To be honest, writing consistently again has been a joy. I certainly do hope that it continues.

For some reason, it’s easier to get all your thoughts down in the hours where you should be getting sleep.

I’m not necessarily the kind to have insomnia, but at certain moments, the aftermath of it all does take a toll. At other times, I honestly have never felt better in my entire life.

The complexity of my mind is something I have come to embrace and cherish. As the years have gone by, and I’ve matured and seen things in a different light, from a new perspective, it has taught me a lot about my surroundings, and about my own individual self.

It’s kind of true, hardships do make you feel stronger in the long run. Life can be a challenge, and if anything, I’m ready for it now.

The only way to conquer your fears is to face them. I’m determined to face all of mine, at a steady pace. And I’ll do so, with my faith and clarity in hand.

For anyone who’s up late, I’m with you on that one.

Love, Mila. Xo

2020: A New Era

Another decade has begun, and I am so ready to make it my own. The last ten years were definitely a challenge at times, sometimes a bitter to swallow.

All in all, I’m still grateful for the experience, as difficult as it was to endure.

You learn so much about yourself in times of predicament, the obstacles seemed like they would never stop blocking my path.

I honestly felt like I lost myself in the abyss of self-doubt. There were months where I couldn’t think, or even write. For the last half of 2019, I neglected my blog as a result.

Not being able to express what I was going through, it was agony for a writer like me. All I wanted to do was sit down and spill my thoughts, so I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed about all the things, that were happening around me.

It felt like my head could explode, that’s how heavy it was, to bear all this on these shoulders of mine.

This next decade, I want to do things a lot differently. For starters, starting work on my next project is on my list.

Resolutions and such, I’ll talk about on my next blog post tomorrow. For now, I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

I hope 2020 is the start of something beautiful and bright.

Love,

Mila. Xo

Cold Weather And Not Enough Sweaters, Life Is Complicated

Maybe it’s just me, or the world has simply become much colder and less pleasant. As if that wasn’t already the case for most of us human creatures.

I was going to post something last night, as it was International Women’s Day, but my brain just could not for the life of me write anything of necessary use. So, I apologize wholeheartedly for that.

Since we’re being honest, I must admit, writing at all has been a massive challenge recently. For some reason, it just doesn’t fit into my life at the moment.

A lot of reasons, most of them personal. Might open up on a later date, but I’ll try and see where it leads.

Updating the blog often is what I am hoping to do, in the next few months. Especially as I start on the new book project and start putting that together.

It is such a journey, all these emotions that come and go, and the people that are seemingly attached to different memories of mine.

Nostalgia petrifies me at times. That need to forget or accept the circumstances of our current state.

May your night be full of love and light.

Mila xo

Balancing Your Vision With A Dose Of Reality

The introvert is finally in her space of harmony and peace. It’s been a while, I’m not the best multi-tasker out there, but damn, I certainly try my best with it all.

Writing used to be something I focused on completely, so these random and unpredictable weeks of hibernation and writer’s block, they are not my cup of tea. I prefer the strong essence of inspiration!

Hoping to start work on my third book of poetry this year, as well. With the chaos of last year, I barely had the time to promote my last project, which I was incredibly proud to self-publish.

I do wish things had been different, but that’s life at times, I suppose. It is a mess, you just have to get on with the next thing. And to be fair, I am my own worst critic. So, when someone wants to fill me in on their opinion of my work or myself, I already had the tough exterior to begin with.

Not feeling good enough can be the worst, but I’ll talk about that more in depth, at a later date. Until then, take care of you, and remember to write!

Mila, xo

Late Bloomer’s Anthem: That Girl In The Corner

Although I’ve been writing every day, updating the blog on a regular basis turned out to be less ideal. Told myself it’s okay to not write constantly.

Despite my brain working hard, and barely thinking straight, I’ve kept myself calm and collected.

Having such an anxious mind can be a challenge. People will look at you, and think you’re a mess for it. I’m personally tired of criticizing myself.

For a long time, I was treated horribly by many people. Telling people no made me feel guilt on the highest degree, taking the time to heal felt like too much to ask for.

Learning to accept yourself and embrace the person you are, that’s a long process in itself. In the end, you’ll be grateful for the tough journey.

In the last six months, I’ve discovered strength within, that I never knew I had.

Found out the real meaning behind life, what it means to be living.

I’m only now starting to experience life in all its glory. Better a late bloomer than none at all. Soon enough, I’ll become the version of me I was destined to be, all along.

No, it doesn’t make me any less or any more. If anything, what didn’t kill my hope, it only strengthens mine with time.

There are things I have yet to improve, and I’m fully aware as it is.

Being weak in the flesh is nothing new. We’re perfectly imperfect, and sometimes you just have to keep moving forward.

Hoping 2019 brings love, happiness and so much more, to each and every one of you.

Forgiving And Forgetting: I Never Could

I had a hard time forgiving people in the past. To this day, I still do.

Yes, forgiveness is important, a crucial part of letting go, making amends, being the bigger person when it comes to conflict.

But for the most part, there are things I struggle to forgive, or forget. My heart will always try and see the good in people, no matter how much they frustrate me and betray me.

It’s the same with family feuds, drama on the horizon. How do you simply let bygones be exactly that?

You know in your heart, that you want to do right. But in the end, you simply can’t win. That’s the reality we’re living. An inevitable route, a road not easily driven past. It’s weird, really.

Can you ever truly forgive and forget completely?