Tonight, I’ll attempt to get started on my next writing project. In May, it’ll be three years since I independently released my second collection of poetry, A Cryptic Human Entity.
For the longest amount of time, I’ve wanted to begin this process, but a lot has occurred since the last collection and my writing was put on hold indefinitely.
I must admit, the passion to create was lost for a while. I had no particular interest anymore, and it took me a long time to feel like myself again. Writer’s block and personal stress did nothing to help the situation either.
During the first two lockdowns, I found myself prioritizing sleep a lot, right now it’s kind of the opposite because my sleep schedule is out of sync.
I suppose, this time around, it’s the time to focus on my written work.
There’s a lot of ideas and artistic concepts that are running wild in my mind right now and I’m really excited to see what comes out of this. I wish I could draw, if anything. For some reason, I miss painting too. Longing to do it again.
A few titles I have in mind, also. Which one I’ll go with, I have no idea, as of yet. I will trust my instinct on that one. I’ve always been very invested in poem titles and painting a picture.
If I get anywhere with it, I’ll most definitely add some thoughts to the blog tomorrow. Would be great to get used to talking about it all more, as I embark on this journey of expression, saying hello to a new era.
Until then, I’ll leave it at that. Take care, all of you.
Narrative Of A Distant Stranger
With each hiatus, the guilt intensifies. It used to be less complicated, when it came to knowing what to say. It’s like staring in the mirror and not recognizing the face looking back. Call it writer’s blues, an obstacle of sorts, or something else along the lines of that.
Either way, there is a level of comfort in coming back, with a clear head, mindset in a better place. Struggles will come and go, as will many things, including people, memories, experiences and time.
Inspiration and motivation really does come at weird times. It’s almost five in the morning and for some reason, it felt like the right time to sit down with this little notebook on my lap, and just start expressing my thoughts.
Better late (or early) than never, I suppose. Also, I am not entirely sure what the title of this blog post represents, it just sounded nice. Maybe I just used it because I didn’t want to forget it?
It could make a good poetry concept, in the near future. We’ll see, though.
Speaking of poetry, I’ve really been slacking with this third project of mine. For a while now, something didn’t feel right anymore and I think a lot of it has to do with the overall theme of deceit and betrayal. Is it worth pursuing? Of course, there’s a time and place for all things emotive.
Only time will tell what I decide to do, a shift in themes might be good for my mind and soul. Food for thought, honestly. We all need a clean slate.
A little tired at this point, trying not to ramble. There might be some physical changes to the blog soon, not sure yet. I feel like it needs some love and care after being absent for months. A bit of change is therapeutic. For example, I recently cut my hair short and I am loving the current length.
The main reason why I did it was to let my hair recover from years of bleaching, dyeing, and heat styling. If my patience wears away, I might find myself becoming a blonde again by the end of this horrific year. Who knows, I make no solid promises to stay the same.
As I end this blog post, I want to thank the ones who have supported this blog throughout. The world needs more people like you.
Take care, stay safe.
Existence & Purpose
When you lose your identity in the recycling bin, how do you find that part of you again?
I’m beginning to think, I have a long way to go.
Ever since I can remember, I associated my willingness to help others as my main source of purpose.
On this journey, I have come to understand everything a lot clearer.
It’s hard to articulate this in a way that wouldn’t offend. I’ve suppressed it all to the point where I just go along with the chaos. I don’t like it, even freaks me out most days. Back in the day, this blog was my only sanctuary for all these thoughts. It still is, but to a lesser extent.
To share is one thing, it’s one of the only things that make sense anymore.
Everything else is a blank, quite honestly. I could write a book about this, my mind is an abyss of thought, a lot of it has never been fully dissected nor processed.
To say that I am currently lost in the archive is an understatement. There’s so much I have yet to learn, to see, to experience.
I often wonder, what is my purpose, guide me to where I am meant to stand.
Is this modern world for an old soul like mine? Who knows.
Anyway, excuse the rambling. This is the first blog post where I haven’t been feeling empty. Let’s hope the new decade brings a lot of better days.
Cluttered Set Of Emotions
If hoarding emotions and thoughts was a skill, I’d be a professional at this point in time. Hoping it will become easier as months goes by, and all of that.
To be honest, my writing has definitely impacted somewhat. You analyze yourself and others too much, as well as your surroundings and patterns.
Hard to believe we’re almost two weeks into the New Year, I’ve had a semi-productive timeline as of recent. It’ll pick up eventually, and so will the motivation and inspiration to do bigger and better things with my mind.
Reflection is good, to some extent. Just don’t overdo it, you’ll thank me later.
There is a lot I have to learn, and accept about myself. Bad habits, that one might need to take a second look at. A lot of books I want to read, places I want to visit and appreciate. Nostalgia seems to have hit me , ever so discreetly.
It’s also nearly four years without my grandmother, I am always in disbelief about this. Feels like yesterday when I held her hand, that last smile has replayed in my mind, more times than I can count. Her strength through it all has definitely played a major part. All I want to do is make my guardian angel proud.