Late Bloomer’s Anthem: That Girl In The Corner

Although I’ve been writing every day, updating the blog on a regular basis turned out to be less ideal. Told myself it’s okay to not write constantly.

Despite my brain working hard, and barely thinking straight, I’ve kept myself calm and collected.

Having such an anxious mind can be a challenge. People will look at you, and think you’re a mess for it. I’m personally tired of criticizing myself.

For a long time, I was treated horribly by many people. Telling people no made me feel guilt on the highest degree, taking the time to heal felt like too much to ask for.

Learning to accept yourself and embrace the person you are, that’s a long process in itself. In the end, you’ll be grateful for the tough journey.

In the last six months, I’ve discovered strength within, that I never knew I had.

Found out the real meaning behind life, what it means to be living.

I’m only now starting to experience life in all its glory. Better a late bloomer than none at all. Soon enough, I’ll become the version of me I was destined to be, all along.

No, it doesn’t make me any less or any more. If anything, what didn’t kill my hope, it only strengthens mine with time.

There are things I have yet to improve, and I’m fully aware as it is.

Being weak in the flesh is nothing new. We’re perfectly imperfect, and sometimes you just have to keep moving forward.

Hoping 2019 brings love, happiness and so much more, to each and every one of you.

Gratitude Hour

More so than ever, I have found myself on this journey of acceptance and discovery.

I had to learn how to let go, understand that there are many things I cannot change, no matter how much it pains me, to know this very crucial information.

Above all, it opened my eyes to clarity, inspiration and commitment. Not only to myself, but the ones who need me.

A wonderful day spent, indeed.

For Granted

I wrapped my thoughts in denial, thinking it would change the outcome.

To bite your tongue and accept the reality of things, I’ve always taken for granted.

Clarity in front of you, to seek your trust and guide you towards hope.

It Takes You Home

When I was little, I spent a lot of quality time with my grandmother.

She used to knit, whilst I cut up old pieces of clothing to sew together a little cotton bag for myself, or two.

Looking back on it now, it truly sinks in, the realization that you’re gone.

No longer do I see, the smile that lit up the room. Your loving words of encouragement as I began to blossom, like the butterflies in your garden.

Our moments, I cherish more than I ever knew my heart could. This is the reality of losing you.

Benefit Of The Doubt

In all my years of trying to find the right words to say, it has never been so clear to me before.

This journey of mine was a test, it continues to be.

And there is no doubt in my mind that people will continue to analyze my quiet and reserved nature.

They’ll pick it apart, piece by piece. I definitely will be under a microscope.

However, there is a lot people will underestimate. My cautious sense of instinct, I observe you without even saying a word.

It takes a complex life to understand the complexity of others around you.

Sure, I don’t have a degree, but my knowledge of the ones around me is on point. You think I have no voice, think again.

Hours That Follow, A Poem Draft From Book #3

There’s something about the midnight hour, I can’t understand how it works, or if it calms my soul enough to heal my battle wounds.

Either way, it builds my core, to the point of nausea. You push yourself to the edge and somehow recover, just to fall back on your word again.

It’s a continuous cycle, the same routine of thought, as time leads you on a journey.

You can either hide in denial, or confront your darkest personality traits in depth.

To cut ties with fear of abandonment, a need for approval; Am I losing touch with reality or am I too aware of my own weaknesses and destructive mindset?

It takes a lot to admit defeat, and admit that you’re a broken individual.

So for the time being, love your fellow entities that surround the halls of your mind. For the present hour, cherish the hours that follow.

Be fearless, love the obstacles that test you. Kill the fear that haunts your path.

Free the mind, cure the anxiety of not knowing what’s going to happen next.

Break Of Hiatus: Society’s A Hypocrite

 

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted a blog post, and I’m sorry about that.

Let’s just say that, life has been hectic for the most part. There is a lot I could add, but I don’t want this to be all about my personal and non-personal issues etc.

But, in the near future, I might feel comfortable sharing a bit more. Anyway, it is SO good to be back writing and expressing my thoughts on DAYDREAM MADNESS.

 

A lot has been going on lately, or, as I like to describe my view of it…

 

an unpredictable cycle, of impulse versus instinct”.

 

On the bright side, my new poetry book is out, I’m slowly (but surely) looking for work to pay more bills off, working on a third collection of poems or stories, to publish this year- or the next. As well as, trying to work on my self-esteem and confidence, because having anxiety over every little thing is a nightmare, when inside of your heart, you know what you want and need out of life, but you’re so lost in your own insecurities, that reaching a little bit higher on the cupboard of life is scary.

 

It’s not that I’m lazy or whatever else people like to call me or define me by. If anything, I’m an extrovert living in an introverted, insecure shell of thought. And it really doesn’t help when certain people define me as something I am not, or when they pile the bricks on, just to step on me further.

 

Why should different rules apply for different people?

 

Aren’t we equal human beings; some richer, some poorer. Some younger, some older. It certainly does get on my last nerve, when people drag you into the dirt, instead of reaching their hand out to help you out of it.

 

Society is the biggest hypocrite – and I’m a part of it, nonetheless. We feed the monster that confines us in our comfort zones and limited spaces. Perhaps not on purpose, but we certainly play a big part.

 

 

 

How It Pains Me To Feel Empty, A Poem

You could twist and turn it as much as you’d like, my darling
But the truth is, it wouldn’t change how it all feels on the inside

If one could paint their face happy, it’d be as easy as picking out
colorful pens and a clean, paper surface, or a new book to read

The mind is tragically overloaded, always heavy in thought 
And the heart, it is seemingly forever lost within, seeking a miracle

No amount of quick fixes could possibly alter your brain permanently, unless you’ve found a cure for misery, which I’m sure you haven’t, and a lot of people have tried, but failed


And it’s not a person’s first choice, do you really think their mind cares what advice or wisdom you might add to their list of manuals to read? No, of course it doesn’t

And it’s not because the person in mind doesn’t like seeing the care in front of them

It’s something deeper than just reading between their lines and transparent smiles 
Don’t worry, it pains them just as much as it pains you to see how it all is

How it pains me to feel empty, not knowing what I am worth as a person
Or what incredible things I could achieve if I just had a little bit of faith in myself
And my potential, not just for other people’s sake, but most of all, for my own closure


My heart is grateful, it always was and gratitude will show
As strength becomes a little easier to digest

But until that day comes, please, just be patient with me, I’m only human.

Stress, Poor Health & Milestones (250 Followers!)

Hello again! It’s been a while. Sorry for my lack of activity in the past week. 

I really wanted to update my blog sooner, but recently, my poor health and Continue reading

Living In The Now For A While

So good to finally be updating DAYDREAM MADNESS yet again…

It’s been more quiet than usual on this blog, but it’s only because I have been on antibiotics since Monday. Not going to lie, the side-effects have been awful at times.

Continue reading