In the last week or two, I’ve found myself less motivated. It didn’t all happen at once, but it was a gradual process. For the most part, it’s been helpful to try and do a few productive tasks each day, at the very least.
However, it has become increasingly more difficult in recent days, despite my best efforts. I suppose, I was expecting it to occur at some point, I just didn’t want to lose all the progress made since the start of 2021.
The fact that it’s March is surreal. Perhaps lockdown has made time feel differently for many people, or has it just flown by? Who knows, hopefully things will become better as time does go on and so forth.
In a couple of months, it’ll be five years since my grandmother passed away and I just don’t know how to feel about it anymore. How five years can go by just like that is scary. Losing her was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced, amongst other things.
Things have definitely changed a lot since then, some things at least, not everything. Life is one of those complicated journeys, but that’s all part of the human experience and how that shapes us as people.
Sometimes, I often have to take a step back, have a moment of reflective thought, give myself a chance to live in the moment, not putting so much emphasis on stressing about the future. It is easier said than done.
Giving yourself that break once in a while is essential, at least in my own experience. Writing also helps me a lot, keeping that open dialogue with yourself and others, depending on how comfortable you are, of course.
I believe I’ll leave it at that for now, trying to figure out possible subjects and topics to discuss in the next coming days. Also, forever wishing I could write stories. Would love to complete a novel in my later years, we’ll see.
There’s a chance I might ramble tonight, my emotions have been all over the place, so bear with me. It’s been a rough day, in terms of lacking motivation and not feeling like myself.
One of those days, mother nature does not make things any easier, so there’s that. I managed to get it together later on in the day; did a 30 minute workout, took all my supplements, did my skincare, ate consistently throughout the day, got some new groceries in the morning.
So, all in all, I got through the worst of what I was feeling.
As much as sleeping all day and eating junk was an option, I decided to get on with my daily routine, and stay productive. I’m really glad I did, because I feel a lot better.
Not giving in to temptation is something I’m proud of. In the past, I thought the best way to feel better was to eat junk, distract myself with sleep or binge watch a show or two. All those things are okay to do in moderation, but it doesn’t solve the problem.
I’m trying to teach myself discipline, self-control in terms of food and what I consume on a regular basis. Working on these things is not easy, you don’t change habits overnight, but over time, it becomes easier to manage and keep under control.
You have to dig deep, when it comes to understanding why you do certain things, and the predictable patterns that arise as a result. Once you understand the root cause, that’s when you can properly begin the healing process.
Trauma of any kind is hard to process, and it can take a long time to face it, acknowledge it, be able to speak about it, and also, learn to heal from it and move forward.
Every person’s journey is different, and that’s something I always bear in mind when talking about my own experiences in life, what I’ve been through and how it made me the person I am today.
I think I’ll leave it at that for now, I might elaborate further in future posts on the blog. Excuse the essay tonight, it’s not often I get so invested in what I write, although that is the whole point of DAYDREAM MADNESS.
This is my sanctuary of thought, where I can speak openly and feel a sense of comfort. Writing has always been a powerful outlet for me, it helped me through some dark times, which I’ll be forever grateful for.