A Day For Thinking Less

A peaceful day, hasn’t really consisted of much except cleaning and watching movies, but I’m cherishing every minute of it.

Sometimes you just need a day or two to get your energy back after a busy week.

It’s the simple yet rewarding moments of each day that I’m learning not to take for granted, because you never know when those will come to an end.

This is a bittersweet month for many reasons, and I’m definitely finding myself more emotional as the days go by. As the 19th marks five years without my grandmother; that’s one of the hardest things about May, and that date haunts me every month, it hurts despite knowing that she’s free of pain and suffering.

All that gives me comfort is that I have an incredible guardian angel in the sky, who looks after me from afar.

Nostalgia is a strange thing, emotions times ten.

Mila. Xo

Hello Again, May

Happy 1st of May, everyone.

Starting a new month on the weekend is always fun, yet strange in the way that you almost lose track of which day it is.

Nonetheless, I’m trying to appreciate the time I have to destress and get stuff done. Luckily, there’s not much to do, a very positive thing if I must say say so myself.

Plus, it’s a Bank Holiday weekend, so three days instead of two.

This is one of those months where I’m kind of stuck in the middle, emotionally. Many great things to be grateful for, although I miss my late grandmother terribly during this time.

For that reason, the 19th hurts to think about. And my birthday is a week and a day later, so celebrating that feels awkward, but I know my grandmother is in a better place, and she lived a long and unique life, one of the most inspiring women I have ever known to exist, in my eyes.

Grief is hard to navigate, even now, almost five years on.

Our guardian angels are protecting us from above, I know that much by now. And so is the Lord, he works in mysterious ways to guide us and strengthen us.

Have a wonderful Saturday.

Mila. Xo

Grief Is Complicated

Note: Just so you know, this post is about grief and the complex nature of dealing with loss, I’ve tried to articulate my thoughts in a way that is not upsetting. I could have written more, but perhaps for another day instead.


Reading about heavy subjects definitely makes you sit down and think, noting all the things you should be grateful for. It’s so incredibly sad when you hear about people losing their battle with an illness, that has affected them for many years.

Can’t begin to imagine what it must feel like, seeing a loved one suffer in such a way. Well, in one way, I do feel their pain. Having witnessed the inevitable decline of a beloved relative, it breaks my heart when others have to go through the same.

Grief is complicated, the emptiness it leaves you with. I know passing on to the other side is something that will happen to all of us as life goes forward, but it’s still never easy to fully accept or understand.

When I lost my wonderful grandmother in May 2016, it was a shock to the system. I knew her time on Earth was slowly coming to an end, but I had no idea how that would affect me, how I’d feel or cope.

All I know is, there’s a guardian angel watching over me now.


Mila. Xo

Impulsive Moments & Rational Conclusions

Sometimes, taking a moment to think before we do or say something is the difference between wrong and right choices in life. At times, I can find myself being impulsive, in terms of buying certain things or making a change somehow (hair bleach sessions included)

Almost bleached my hair earlier, funnily enough. Until I styled my hair in a different way, which made me appreciate my brunette, messy curls. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, so I’m looking forward to that.

Faith is such a big part of my daily life, more so with each day that passes by. Makes me so grateful for the people in my life and the positive changes that have occurred in recent years. And I also believe it keeps me close to my late grandmother. In May, it’ll be the fifth anniversary of her passing and that’s so surreal.

I just hope I make her proud, on this complicated journey of life and experiences.

Mila. Xo

Cluttered Set Of Emotions

If hoarding emotions and thoughts was a skill, I’d be a professional at this point in time. Hoping it will become easier as months goes by, and all of that.

To be honest, my writing has definitely impacted somewhat. You analyze yourself and others too much, as well as your surroundings and patterns.

Hard to believe we’re almost two weeks into the New Year, I’ve had a semi-productive timeline as of recent. It’ll pick up eventually, and so will the motivation and inspiration to do bigger and better things with my mind.

Reflection is good, to some extent. Just don’t overdo it, you’ll thank me later.

There is a lot I have to learn, and accept about myself. Bad habits, that one might need to take a second look at. A lot of books I want to read, places I want to visit and appreciate. Nostalgia seems to have hit me , ever so discreetly.

It’s also nearly four years without my grandmother, I am always in disbelief about this. Feels like yesterday when I held her hand, that last smile has replayed in my mind, more times than I can count. Her strength through it all has definitely played a major part. All I want to do is make my guardian angel proud.

Corners Of The Mind

Grief is such a complex thing to deal with. One minute, you’re absolutely fine, and the next, you could easily find yourself in a melancholy state.

There is never a day where I don’t miss my grandmother, and I do wish that she was still on this Earth.

She’s in a better place now, something I have to bear in mind, each time I feel like this.

Peace Of Mind: Grief And Time

Today is a bittersweet day to write anything, let alone process the emotions that are running through my head at the moment. But, since it is the third anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, I wanted to write something – anything, really.

Just recently, it was also my blog’s 4th year of being active (May 13th), and my domain name was 2 years old on the date also. And then, my second poetry book, A Cryptic Human Entity, that was self-published on May 16th of 2018, which makes it a year and three days old now.

It’s taken me a long time to find the time to sit down and write like I used to.

These past few months have definitely taken a toll on me, and the ones around me. It has been one obstacle after the other. For someone who doesn’t like even the slightest amount of confrontation, this was more troubling than anything else.

A lot has been achieved, however. Things people never thought was possible of me. And I will continue to fight on and move forward.

I truly want to thank the people in my life as of late, for giving me the strength and courage to stare fear in the face and deal with it, firsthand.

Truth be told, I have dealt with my fair share of struggles, and to this day, I still do. We all have our individual issues in life, and that’s reality.

Soon enough, I hope to be writing more consistently and frequently, but for the time being, it’s just not possible.

This blog is my sanctuary, a place I find peace and inspiration. With the help of faith and love, I am sure that things will improve, and I will be able to articulate what my heart is going through, at a later date.

And also, my birthday is later this month, which I look forward to, oddly enough.

I just wish my grandmother was here to see my progress. There’s not a day where I don’t miss her presence. She was one of the most inspiring women I have ever had the chance to know. My heart is still in disbelief over the loss, as if a piece of me was lost on the day she passed on.

But, I know in my heart, that her soul lives on, and her legacy will never be forgotten. She’ll always be with me, and I just hope that I can make her proud from above.

Death might seem like a morbid subject to some, but it is an inevitable fate, that we all will encounter at some point in life, we just don’t know when that will be.

So, live your lives to the fullest. Cherish the people who love you and the ones who don’t love you, embrace them too. Just stay true to yourself and remember, that with each door that closes, another one opens.

Peace and Love,

Mila.

It Takes You Home

When I was little, I spent a lot of quality time with my grandmother.

She used to knit, whilst I cut up old pieces of clothing to sew together a little cotton bag for myself, or two.

Looking back on it now, it truly sinks in, the realization that you’re gone.

No longer do I see, the smile that lit up the room. Your loving words of encouragement as I began to blossom, like the butterflies in your garden.

Our moments, I cherish more than I ever knew my heart could. This is the reality of losing you.

Long Time, No Write!

2018 has been quite a chaotic year, I must say. And it’s only March as of yet! I’m supposed to be releasing my second book of poetry in less than two months but I am so behind schedule with the completion of it, that it might all have to be postponed until further notice.

Although, being the person I am, I will try my hardest to stick with my deadline and publication date etc. Life can be so chaotic at times, honestly, and it’s not a nice feeling at all. Everyone deals with it for the most part, yet I am not the best at coping under pressure.

It’s been a while since my last blog post on here, but with everything that’s been going on, it is incredibly hard to think straight, let alone know what to do next. But in time, it’ll pass at some point.

Exactly two months from now, it’ll be the second anniversary of my grandmother’s passing too.

Still hard to deal with, me losing her was painful beyond words. Bravest person until the end though, an angel who gained her well-deserved wings in the sky above.

You never truly appreciate the time you have with people until you see them fade away in front of your eyes. What a brutal reality. I guess all you can do is try and make the most of every second you breathe.

Don’t waste your life away, it’s the only one you have; as yourself, anyway. Who knows what the afterlife has planned, or where your soul will end up next. Only time will tell.

Poem For My Guardian Angel

Within my heart
Y
our soul can reside

You were an angel
Before your time

Yet there’s a difference now
You’ve gained your wings

So fly, my angel, fly high
May your soul be at peace