It Takes You Home

When I was little, I spent a lot of quality time with my grandmother.

She used to knit, whilst I cut up old pieces of clothing to sew together a little cotton bag for myself, or two.

Looking back on it now, it truly sinks in, the realization that you’re gone.

No longer do I see, the smile that lit up the room. Your loving words of encouragement as I began to blossom, like the butterflies in your garden.

Our moments, I cherish more than I ever knew my heart could. This is the reality of losing you.

Long Time, No Write!

2018 has been quite a chaotic year, I must say. And it’s only March as of yet! I’m supposed to be releasing my second book of poetry in less than two months but I am so behind schedule with the completion of it, that it might all have to be postponed until further notice.

Although, being the person I am, I will try my hardest to stick with my deadline and publication date etc. Life can be so chaotic at times, honestly, and it’s not a nice feeling at all. Everyone deals with it for the most part, yet I am not the best at coping under pressure.

It’s been a while since my last blog post on here, but with everything that’s been going on, it is incredibly hard to think straight, let alone know what to do next. But in time, it’ll pass at some point.

Exactly two months from now, it’ll be the second anniversary of my grandmother’s passing too.

Still hard to deal with, me losing her was painful beyond words. Bravest person until the end though, an angel who gained her well-deserved wings in the sky above.

You never truly appreciate the time you have with people until you see them fade away in front of your eyes. What a brutal reality. I guess all you can do is try and make the most of every second you breathe.

Don’t waste your life away, it’s the only one you have; as yourself, anyway. Who knows what the afterlife has planned, or where your soul will end up next. Only time will tell.

Poem For My Guardian Angel

Within my heart
Y
our soul can reside

You were an angel
Before your time

Yet there’s a difference now
You’ve gained your wings

So fly, my angel, fly high
May your soul be at peace

Writing Session #19

Tonight, I think of my grandmother. Every month, on the 19th, my heart takes a moment to remember the incredible person she was. Losing her made me re-think all aspects of my life. Grief opened up my eyes completely. And for that, I am grateful. Miss you dearly.

ramblings of a writer, part 2: music

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Baie via Flickr.

As promised, this is the second part to my ramblings of a writer post not long ago…

It’s ironic that I’m writing this blog post on the 19th, and speaking about the emotive effect songs can have on you; mainly since it’s been exactly 9 months since I lost my precious grandmother, and many can imagine; and know the magnitude of what loss can be. At times, it feels like rain on your parade, and other times, it’s another, different story.

But, let’s get straight to the point: Music. Continue reading

phoenix rises

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It’s been too long since my last blog post, and I thought I’d make my presence known on here once again. life is as complex and unpredictable as usual, a lot of stuff is happening and I’m trying to sustain the mindset I am currently in. I’m struggling to write poetry for my book. Creative blocks all over the place at the moment and I find that so frustrating.

Since the loss of my beloved grandmother, my heart has felt quite empty & incomplete.

I guess that’s what has kept me so quiet and being unable to express how I have felt because to put it lightly, I am grieving and we all process it differently, to be honest.

Hoping I can write better soon, because not knowing what to do with my emotions is far worse than writing shitty poems and rants about how life is a mess & I am lost.

Have a wonderful weekend and I hope to update you all with greater things shortly!

Peace & Love,

Mila.

heaven took you home

On May 19th 2016, my world changed for the worst; my incredible, beloved grandmother Eila succumbed to her cancerous brain tumor as well as suspected organ failure. I was prepared for the days to come, as I had been told to prepare for the worst to happen but when it actually happened less than a night and a half later, you could say I was in shock, speechless, lost for words completely like any person would be. I miss her unconditionally.

To me, she wasn’t just a grandmother, she was a ray of sunshine on a cold autumn’s day, that breath of fresh air in the summer, that crisp snowflake falling from above, she was one of the most inspiring women I ever had the chance to know, although not for too long, but my memory of her will never fade, she’ll forever be in my heart, my guarding spirit.

I always knew this day would come, but when it would and how it would affect me, I never truly understood the depth of it all until I got that dreaded phone call. I froze, literally.

Can’t put it into words how amazing she was to me, how much she adored her family, she was the human definition of unconditional love and care, she had the most caring spirit I’ve ever known, kindness beyond words, a heart of gold regardless of circumstance, so it pains me when I have to talk about her in past tense, it absolutely breaks my heart to know that I’ll never get another hug from my dearest grandmother again.

She never once complained about the cancer that ultimately would take her last breath, and I never once witnessed her asking others for help, she was independent, vibrant and strong until she no longer could be, and I know that saddened her in more ways than anyone could imagine. Never thought I’d be writing something like this, but this is to honor my grandmother for the amazing human being she was, and I hope Heaven knows that it gained a beautiful angel with golden wings. She was my sunshine in the gray, and now my sky is empty without her glow.

RIP, Grandma. I will never forget you. I hope I make you proud.