Saying goodbye is the hardest thing, especially when the person does not recognize who you are anymore and you could not communicate due to a language barrier that once didn’t exist, not to mention the distance between you and I for the longest of time. That’s what happened in the months before you left this Earth.
Today marks five years without the most loving, compassionate, selfless grandmother a young woman could ever have wished for. It feels just like yesterday when I got the call no one wants to get.
As much as I tried to prepare myself for this moment to arrive because I understood that it was inevitable, it was still one of the most painful moments of my life. Talking about this woman in the past-tense never gets easier, the first few years of grieving the loss, I truly felt numb, crying felt impossible because I was so in denial.
To this day, I cherish our last conversation. You said my name in such a delicate tone, you asked me how my day was, and you said you loved me.
Whenever I have a moment of sadness, or just a tough day in general, I think of you and I smile. You showed me what it means to be strong, your bravery and strength through it all was powerful beyond words, you are truly my hero, my guardian angel above, alongside the other beautiful souls who are up there with you.
What has also made me feel closer to my late grandmother is one of middle names, which is hers and it is right next to my first name, I really find comfort in that. And I also find comfort in faith, because my grandmother kept it near and dear to her heart all her life, until the end.
Immensely grateful for the years I got to know you, you’ll always be so important to me and remembered for your kind heart, nurturing nature and a lot more.
Grief can be such a wake-up call, it makes you appreciate life, love and family more than ever. Of course, bear in mind, the complexity will always be there, regardless of time.
Cherish the ones you love, be kind, take care of you and others and God bless you all.
Sometimes, taking a moment to think before we do or say something is the difference between wrong and right choices in life. At times, I can find myself being impulsive, in terms of buying certain things or making a change somehow (hair bleach sessions included)
Almost bleached my hair earlier, funnily enough. Until I styled my hair in a different way, which made me appreciate my brunette, messy curls. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, so I’m looking forward to that.
Faith is such a big part of my daily life, more so with each day that passes by. Makes me so grateful for the people in my life and the positive changes that have occurred in recent years. And I also believe it keeps me close to my late grandmother. In May, it’ll be the fifth anniversary of her passing and that’s so surreal.
I just hope I make her proud, on this complicated journey of life and experiences.
I wanted to dedicate this post to my loved ones, because today’s events have really highlighted the importance of gratitude, appreciating the people we know, the memories we have, the time we spend on this Earth.
So incredibly grateful for my faith too, it really keeps me humble, and it brings comfort to my heart in times of anxiety and stress. Bear in mind, this is my own personal experience with religion, and of course, every person’s life experiences are different, we have our individual paths, journeys, ways of coping and all else.
Felt compelled to get my emotions out tonight, it’s been a long day and heavily emotive. I have a lot to say, not everything leaves the draft section of my mind or the notes on my phone, but sharing my thoughts in moments like these, it makes me feel better.
Over the years, I definitely have tried to become a better version of myself, to learn and grow from the past. Each day is different, there’s good days and bad days, as well as all of those in-between.
Learning how to manage and balance all of this is tricky sometimes, that’s the complexity of being human. So, to conclude this post, feel free to share your own feelings and thoughts, let me know what’s going on in your life and what you’re grateful for. God bless you all.
Figured I would sit down and get this written up before I go to bed in a while. The day’s not been too bad, a little predictable at times, but that is to be expected.
Anyway, I feel hopeful about the week so far. Routine is pretty much the same each day, although I enjoy the structure of it. Brings some kind of joy to the current circumstances of life.
I do feel incredibly blessed for the ones I know, the people I have gotten to know better over the years, and the ones I have yet to encounter on this journey.
So fortunate for my faith, my continuous sense of hope despite everything that I’ve experienced. And I’m grateful for my guardian angels above, the maternal grandmother I knew and loved very much. And also, the paternal grandmother that I never got to meet.
Some people I prefer not to mention, for other reasons, but I’ll leave it at that. In recent years, I’ve tried my best to forgive and bear no grudges. All it does is weigh your soul down, and it’s not worth the inner sorrow.
If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this: trust in God.
Stay safe and well, be kind, and God bless you all.
Before I go to bed soon, I just wanted to quickly make a post.
Finding a lot of comfort in writing on the blog again, and I appreciate it more than words can describe. It took a long time to find my way back here, but now that my writer’s block is finally at bay, and I’m writing on a regular basis, it stops my mind from being too cluttered with thoughts, feelings, opinions etc.
At some point, I’m starting work on this next book, trying not to rush myself with this project. As impatient as I am, getting older definitely teaches you a thing or two.
My birthday is in less than four months time, which is a strange feeling, to say the least. I’m a proud Gemini! Very much complicated, with good intentions at heart.
I’ve got gratitude for days, like the title implies.
Grateful for my family, friends, my faith in the Lord and the positive energy around me. I have no idea what the future holds for me, but you can always wonder.
I figured I would create a little post before I forget. It’s been so great to write every day and to end my streak of inspiration now would be a total waste.
It’s wonderful not to be plagued by writer’s block anymore, or at least not as much of it as I used to have. Sometimes, I suppose, you can get caught up in life’s constant pace of change and stress. Also, writing at night seems to be my time to let it be known.
Not sure if being a midnight owl again is going to benefit me in the long run, but I feel like myself again, in a strange way. Typing away to my heart’s content. A comforting time, in spite of current events in the world and home, one of the many differences in lockdown, third time around.
Had quite the productive day, dealt with the most important household chores, made sure to eat and stay hydrated. I’ve found the strength to get through the changing of habits, in which I wanted to sort out for the longest time.
This has been an interesting week, if I’m honest. Staying on the right track of things might be hard at times, but with determination and a positive mindset, I feel confident that I can do this.
Before I end my little post on the blog, I just want to say thank you to anyone who reads what I have to say on here. This has always been a sanctuary for my thoughts and opinions, hopefully it can be of some comfort for you too.
Writing has been a passion of mine for years, more than ever in times of hardship. It’s kind of like an online journal of sorts, it’s always comforting to have a safe space, whether it’s a journal, a blog or any other kind of platform.