Poem: paper-thin apologies

This is a poem I wrote tonight. I wasn’t planning to, neither did I think I was going to write one at all. But I did, and I wanted to post it on the blog. Not the best thing I’ve written, yet not the worst either. Enjoy.

Submerged with all these fears

They look through her like glass

Eyes stained with cruelty and spite

You find your way through the cracks

Of her broken mind

Like the river of tears

That fills her eyes

And runs down her face

Mila. Xo

Late Evening Outlet

Past eleven in the evening now, and I’ve only just begun writing this up. There’s been a lot of conflicting thoughts in this last week about a lot of things.

As much as I love the weekend and being able to preserve my energy for the next week ahead, I can’t help but wonder how certain people are doing at this moment.

Haven’t heard from them in a while, which is out of character, regardless of circumstances. I just hope that they’re okay and reach out soon.

It’s tough being so far away from some people. I suppose, all you can do is stay positive, when possible.

But aside from that, I genuinely want to express my gratitude for the people in my life. They truly make my life better in many ways.

Mila. Xo

Distractions

It can be difficult to think when you’re worried. All you want is that peace of mind. I wasn’t sure if I was going to update the blog or not, but it’s always been a distraction from the stresses of life.

Yes, it is incredibly late, yet again. Going to try and sleep soon, only because I’ve got somewhere to attend tomorrow afternoon, a few phone calls to make etc.

Over this next weekend, I want to focus on my writing, if that’s possible.

We’ll see how it all goes, hoping you all have a great night.

Mila. Xo

What If I Lose My Creativity?

From an early age, I found a sanctuary in writing stuff down, not knowing if I would end up regretting doing so or being thankful that I ultimately did.

It’s not just about being creative, but having a passion for what you’re creating. In recent years, I’ve noticed a decline in motivation, particularly when it comes to writing, and that is very disheartening to witness, first-hand.

From being the young girl who couldn’t stop writing, to barely writing at all, it’s a very gradual yet abrupt shock to the system. The conflicted emotions I have about this come and go. Some days, I’m less critical of my lack of creative drive. Other times, it feels like a part of me is lost and trying to find myself again.

Yes, I update my blog on a daily basis, but sometimes, I don’t even feel like doing that. Not because I don’t like it anymore, and it’s kind of hard to explain as to why it has changed so much.

Things change as you get older, possibly. And truth be told, my old teenage self was slightly less emotionally filtered, more prone to saying too much in a way.

Has that changed as I’ve gotten older? Of course, to some extent. I genuinely try to think before I speak, you need to have some kind of boundary with yourself. Ensuring that what you’re putting out there is appropriate.

Before 2021 comes to an end, it is a goal of mine to begin the process of writing for my third poetry book, at least complete some part of it. I’m not entirely sure when I’ll manage to publish it, that depends on where I am at in my writing journey and what my instinct is telling me.

I’ve said this before too, being an introvert who loves to express herself is contradictory. Getting out of this shell is proving more difficult than I could have imagined.

There’s many factors and obstacles to overcome in my journey to becoming the best version of myself, in more ways than one.

Every journey varies, person to person. We’re all trying to figure things out. It’s just that, for some of us, it will take more time and I have to accept this.

This is a longer post than usual, but when you have inspiration in your heart to talk about something important, why waste the opportunity?

As always, I hope everyone is doing well and having a great day.
However, if not, just know that you are enough.

Mila. Xo

Scared To Fail

We all have our fears, and those moments of being scared to fail. Whether it’s work related, academically or any other challenge we face as life progresses on.

Truth be told, people achieve things at different stages of life, and that’s okay. We don’t all have it figured out at 18, 25, or even in our 30’s.

In the society we currently find ourselves a part of, we’ve been conditioned to believe that success is measured in the superficial, idealistic and materialistic.

Yes, some might be more knowledgeable, confident and perhaps better equipped than others. But it doesn’t mean that other people’s contribution as a whole is not as important.

The idea that we’re only worthy of a decent life if we work more hours than our mind can handle, and we look a certain way, act a certain way. Keeping up appearances might be sustainable in the short-term, but the facade of it all will come crashing down, eventually.

Don’t even get me started on how much I can’t stand the hypocrisy of equality and the lack of it in society. We have a lot of laws in place about treating people fairly, but so much of it is just empty words at this point.

Nothing is ever what it appears to be, I know that much.

Different rules apply for different people, which has been in plain sight for many years. We have a long way to go until we achieve any kind of fairness in the world. There’s a lot to work on, and only time will tell how that goes.

When some people say “reality is stranger than fiction”, it’s safe to say, you’re right. If the world needs more of anything, I can think of quite a few things.

The world needs more compassion, fairness, love, empathy, kindness.

I just hope humanity changes for the better.

Mila. Xo

Escapism In Expression

Been distracting myself all day with chores and exercise, it’s the only thing calming my nerves about tomorrow’s meeting/appointment etc. Not only that, I have an exam on Friday, so I’m praying that my mind doesn’t go blank on the day.

In other news, I do look forward to being out and about in the city, long walks can be very therapeutic. I must admit, being out more is strange, considering how most people have been indoors a lot of the time.

A strange time in life, definitely. What also is hard to believe is that it’s July soon. My perception of time has changed a lot in recent months.

Kind of tired but I want to bleach my roots. Anyway, there’s a chance I might fall asleep shortly. Typical Monday, it feels like. Productivity has been great though.

Hope you all have a great rest of your day!

Mila. Xo

Bliss Of Peaceful Sundays

Think I finally got the rest I needed today, which is great. We shall see if I go to sleep soon. Got a lot of revision to do, places to go on Tuesday, and an exam on the 25th.

I’m honestly nervous, because my memory has been so terrible in the last few weeks.

Studying definitely needs to be a priority, my brain needs to retain all that information.

All I want now is a creativity boost so I can write a bit more. Would love to work on stories later in life too.

But for now, this will be enough. I adore my blog. Hope you’re all doing okay. Have a great day!

Mila. Xo

Structured Planning

Leaving blog updates to the last minute has become a common theme on here, and not intentionally. Over the next couple of days, I’ll be trying to schedule some posts in advance. I’ve got some stuff I need to plan, family members to see soon and I can’t wait for that.

There’s a lot to be grateful for, honestly. Sunshine has finally calmed down, which is a relief. Got a lot to do tomorrow, there’s a whole list of things.

I’m both tired and full of energy, it’s strange. Anyway, I should leave it at that before the clock strikes midnight. Have a great evening!

Mila. Xo