I have a complicated relationship with many things in life, which has been a struggle and a half, sometimes. The mind is a strange part of you.
To say emotions are complex is an understatement, understanding them can take a lifetime. In my own experience, it’s very confusing and there’s mixed signals all over.
As you navigate through life, expectations and comparisons arise, more so than ever, which in itself can be daunting. This definitely lives rent-free in my mind, truth be told.
What also becomes evidently obvious is that, we live in a society that puts a timeframe on all achievements, and you’re the odd one out if things aren’t according to schedule.
In my opinion, planning ahead seems pointless at times. We don’t ever have our lives entirely figured out, and if we do, will that last? Maybe, or not.
The older I get, the more I try to shake off that idealistic image of how things should be, to appreciate the scenery in front of me, and the people I get to share these moments with.
Expectations beyond the realistic is a recipe for disaster, it’s not anywhere near sustainable in the long run. That being said, the opinion of this will vary from person to person, as it should.
Anyway, excuse the deep and emotive post tonight, I honestly didn’t know what to write about in the beginning. However, getting back to basics and talking more about these subjects is something that I am aiming to do on this blog of mine.
When I look back on older posts, I do miss being able to express myself in such an honest way. Of course, there’s boundaries and ways to talk about it all in a constructive and structured manner.
I’ll be talking about more light-hearted topics tomorrow, I just needed to get it off my chest, to be honest.
All in all, I’ll leave it at that and I hope you’re all having a great Wednesday!
Over the years, a lot has changed and evolved. But at the same time, it is not entirely different.
Maturity and wisdom has definitely helped shape my current mindset, as well as providing me with the necessary tools to navigate my path, help me understand and come to terms with things that I didn’t have the words for before, or the feelings and emotions that have found their way through this journey of life.
Looking back, being kind to myself was the last thing on the agenda, if at all important. Insecurities were heavily on my mind, they still are at times. Learning how to combat those hasn’t been easy.
Even now, despite being more at peace with myself, there are days where I think too much, or I don’t feel any particular way or it’s harder to articulate, and that’s okay.
So, in the years since I’ve focused on my wellbeing a lot more, and had time to reflect, what have I grown to love or embrace about life or myself? This is an interesting question indeed.
In fact, there’s quite a substantial list. For example, I love having my hair up, which is a small detail to some, but having a rounder face can make it complicated.
Also, another thing I’ve grown to love is short hair, or perhaps shoulder-length hair in particular. Growing up, I truly think I used my hair to hide my face and how round I thought it was. Once, I had a very evident bleach fail, where a lot of it broke off, so I cut off a lot of hair at the sides and dyed it electric blue. At the time, I didn’t appreciate it as much as I should have.
Would I dye my hair blue again? Absolutely.
Another thing I love now, is wearing no make-up. If my face has problems, I try and help/ease them with skincare, following a routine has done wonders, although I am more flexible with that these days.
Getting older has definitely helped me embrace my flaws, and to be grateful for my health and so much more. This will always be a journey, and I just want to be the best version of myself.
This post is longer than I usually write, but in my opinion, that means I’m feeling inspired and motivated, so I’ll take it.
Note: Just so you know, this post is about grief and the complex nature of dealing with loss, I’ve tried to articulate my thoughts in a way that is not upsetting. I could have written more, but perhaps for another day instead.
Reading about heavy subjects definitely makes you sit down and think, noting all the things you should be grateful for. It’s so incredibly sad when you hear about people losing their battle with an illness, that has affected them for many years.
Can’t begin to imagine what it must feel like, seeing a loved one suffer in such a way. Well, in one way, I do feel their pain. Having witnessed the inevitable decline of a beloved relative, it breaks my heart when others have to go through the same.
Grief is complicated, the emptiness it leaves you with. I know passing on to the other side is something that will happen to all of us as life goes forward, but it’s still never easy to fully accept or understand.
When I lost my wonderful grandmother in May 2016, it was a shock to the system. I knew her time on Earth was slowly coming to an end, but I had no idea how that would affect me, how I’d feel or cope.
All I know is, there’s a guardian angel watching over me now.
Last half of the week has been interesting, emotively speaking.
Those heavy emotions can be a lot to process, hopefully as they subside, it’ll be a reason to create something positive out of the situation.
Just taking a deep breath, reminding yourself that it’s okay, it does help to some extent, depending on the intensity of your thoughts, of course.
Tomorrow is Friday, which is always good to know. I’ve got many things that need to be done, making a change to my hair tomorrow too, I honestly need a change at this point. It’s been nice giving my hair a break from all the dyes, bleaching and more, but sometimes you want a different look.
We’ll see how it goes, I’ve got back-up hair products in case, haha.
Emotions can be complicated, it can also be a difficult thing to talk about when you’re overwhelmed as it is. However, in some ironic way, sometimes that’s the only way I can write. And it’s important to not suppress how you feel either.
I’m currently in the process of writing for the next poetry book, although at this point, when this will be unveiled or released, not too sure.
However, despite feeling less than ideal, I wanted to come on here and just distract myself from my thoughts for a moment. Writing has always been such a good outlet, in many ways.
Anyway, I’ll probably end the post at this for now, until tomorrow.
Take care, stay safe, be kind to yourself and others.
Sometimes, taking a moment to think before we do or say something is the difference between wrong and right choices in life. At times, I can find myself being impulsive, in terms of buying certain things or making a change somehow (hair bleach sessions included)
Almost bleached my hair earlier, funnily enough. Until I styled my hair in a different way, which made me appreciate my brunette, messy curls. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, so I’m looking forward to that.
Faith is such a big part of my daily life, more so with each day that passes by. Makes me so grateful for the people in my life and the positive changes that have occurred in recent years. And I also believe it keeps me close to my late grandmother. In May, it’ll be the fifth anniversary of her passing and that’s so surreal.
I just hope I make her proud, on this complicated journey of life and experiences.
Slightly nervous about tomorrow, although I am trying to remain hopeful despite all these emotions going on. Patience can be a complex thing.
I honestly feel so good today, though. Lovely food, incredibly productive with my household chores and cleaned the entire house (literally)
This might be a small thing to some, but for me, I appreciate all the accomplishments and achievements of the day, no matter how big or small they might be.
Going to bed shortly after posting this, should have studied more than I have, and I just hope that doesn’t impact my progress. For the most part, I’ve worked hard on a lot, which is not always possible due to many reasons and it depends on the day and how I feel.
Part of me wants to return to listening on 7cups (anonymous website/platform where you can reach out to someone etc) and it’s been on my mind quite often in the last few weeks. On the weekend, I’m definitely going to log in and check what’s new on there.
Anyway, enough of me rambling on. Have a wonderful evening!