Poem: paper-thin apologies

This is a poem I wrote tonight. I wasn’t planning to, neither did I think I was going to write one at all. But I did, and I wanted to post it on the blog. Not the best thing I’ve written, yet not the worst either. Enjoy.

Submerged with all these fears

They look through her like glass

Eyes stained with cruelty and spite

You find your way through the cracks

Of her broken mind

Like the river of tears

That fills her eyes

And runs down her face

Mila. Xo

Anxious Mind

That feeling when you have things to do tomorrow, but your racing mind has other plans. Honestly, this anxiety has been weighing heavy on me.

All I want right now is some clarity, peace of mind and to know some people are okay.

Sundays are usually the best part of the week, but it’s been very bittersweet.

Faith definitely has kept me grounded in times where I’ve struggled the most.

Grateful for the Lord, my family, my friends and more. Have gratitude for all things in life.

Mila. Xo

What If I Lose My Creativity?

From an early age, I found a sanctuary in writing stuff down, not knowing if I would end up regretting doing so or being thankful that I ultimately did.

It’s not just about being creative, but having a passion for what you’re creating. In recent years, I’ve noticed a decline in motivation, particularly when it comes to writing, and that is very disheartening to witness, first-hand.

From being the young girl who couldn’t stop writing, to barely writing at all, it’s a very gradual yet abrupt shock to the system. The conflicted emotions I have about this come and go. Some days, I’m less critical of my lack of creative drive. Other times, it feels like a part of me is lost and trying to find myself again.

Yes, I update my blog on a daily basis, but sometimes, I don’t even feel like doing that. Not because I don’t like it anymore, and it’s kind of hard to explain as to why it has changed so much.

Things change as you get older, possibly. And truth be told, my old teenage self was slightly less emotionally filtered, more prone to saying too much in a way.

Has that changed as I’ve gotten older? Of course, to some extent. I genuinely try to think before I speak, you need to have some kind of boundary with yourself. Ensuring that what you’re putting out there is appropriate.

Before 2021 comes to an end, it is a goal of mine to begin the process of writing for my third poetry book, at least complete some part of it. I’m not entirely sure when I’ll manage to publish it, that depends on where I am at in my writing journey and what my instinct is telling me.

I’ve said this before too, being an introvert who loves to express herself is contradictory. Getting out of this shell is proving more difficult than I could have imagined.

There’s many factors and obstacles to overcome in my journey to becoming the best version of myself, in more ways than one.

Every journey varies, person to person. We’re all trying to figure things out. It’s just that, for some of us, it will take more time and I have to accept this.

This is a longer post than usual, but when you have inspiration in your heart to talk about something important, why waste the opportunity?

As always, I hope everyone is doing well and having a great day.
However, if not, just know that you are enough.

Mila. Xo

Nerves About Tomorrow

There is a lot going on at once, but I’m determined to try my hardest.

I hope my memory doesn’t fail me now, because I really don’t want to fail this test again.

Mathematics have never been my strong point. I know a lot, but some things I take one look at and my mind goes blank.

Regardless, let’s see how it goes tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

On the bright side, it’s soon the weekend!

Take care, all of you.

Mila. Xo

Balancing Life Out

Wasn’t meant to post so late, but I didn’t have a chance to until now.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tired, and I look forward to getting some sleep. But honestly, I’ve got an exam in two days which is making me so nervous.

Anyway, I’ll leave it at that for the time being. Hope you all have a great day!

Mila. Xo

Scared To Fail

We all have our fears, and those moments of being scared to fail. Whether it’s work related, academically or any other challenge we face as life progresses on.

Truth be told, people achieve things at different stages of life, and that’s okay. We don’t all have it figured out at 18, 25, or even in our 30’s.

In the society we currently find ourselves a part of, we’ve been conditioned to believe that success is measured in the superficial, idealistic and materialistic.

Yes, some might be more knowledgeable, confident and perhaps better equipped than others. But it doesn’t mean that other people’s contribution as a whole is not as important.

The idea that we’re only worthy of a decent life if we work more hours than our mind can handle, and we look a certain way, act a certain way. Keeping up appearances might be sustainable in the short-term, but the facade of it all will come crashing down, eventually.

Don’t even get me started on how much I can’t stand the hypocrisy of equality and the lack of it in society. We have a lot of laws in place about treating people fairly, but so much of it is just empty words at this point.

Nothing is ever what it appears to be, I know that much.

Different rules apply for different people, which has been in plain sight for many years. We have a long way to go until we achieve any kind of fairness in the world. There’s a lot to work on, and only time will tell how that goes.

When some people say “reality is stranger than fiction”, it’s safe to say, you’re right. If the world needs more of anything, I can think of quite a few things.

The world needs more compassion, fairness, love, empathy, kindness.

I just hope humanity changes for the better.

Mila. Xo

Ahead Of Time

One last minute entry on the blog before I completely forget to update it.

Sat here on my bed, ticking things off my list. I don’t know why, but my mind goes into overdrive when I know there’s certain places to go, people to see.

This next week is going to be a lot, although I’m sure things will get easier in time.

Yet another weekend too, how fun. Let’s hope this one doesn’t end as soon as it starts.

Happy Friday!

Mila. Xo

Clean Slate For A New Day

Another one of those nights where I seem to stay up writing in the last minute because not doing so would feel absurd.

Today’s blog entry might be a little short and more spontaneous, but I’m working on it as we speak.

Almost midnight, yet I’m finding it difficult to hibernate for the night. I’ll sleep soon, I promise.

The day has been relatively balanced, with hints of anxiety here and there, in which my inner response was: I had to simply concentrate on other things.

A clean slate for a new day, I tell myself.

My birthday is in two days, almost one if I think about it. It’s a strange feeling, getting older. You learn a lot, or at least in my own experiences.

The more my blog grows and blossoms, I can’t help but feel immense gratitude for the ones who have supported me along the way. It shows me that I’m doing something right, despite how small the achievement might look like currently.

So thank you, for being such a light in my life. And as always, have a beautiful day, or night, depending on where you are in the world.

Mila. Xo

Paint Monday Blue

When things don’t quite go to plan, your stress levels can go through the roof if you’re not careful. At least, that’s how it felt for me today.

Monday felt particularly blue, so I definitely made an effort to be kind to myself. It can be easy to get overwhelmed by our thoughts in the moment, experienced that one too many times in my life.

I actually found myself buying a self-help audiobook out of curiosity about how to manage emotions in times of feeling this way. That was certainly helpful, hearing other people’s experiences and what helps them balance it all out.

Easier said than done, as I’m sure a lot of people will say about this too.

If the past year has taught me anything, it’s that looking after yourself and your mental health is so important. When you nurture your mind, your body and your soul, everything else will fall into place, eventually.

Mila. Xo

Final Week Of Being 25

What began as a great start to this became a slight nightmare.

I personally just want a good night’s sleep so I can feel better. And to think I’m a year older in a week, not very fun to think about.

Too much of a good thing can make it seem inevitable that an unpleasant situation is just a few steps away.

But, have a wonderful evening and I’ll try and be more upbeat tomorrow. Sleep well!

Mila. Xo