hook, line & sinking in lust

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Recently found myself happier, and I’m not sure if it’s a temporary fix or a long-term boost of positive energy. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens in the near future. Is it bad that I can already picture it within my head like a perfect melody?

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what getting older taught me about life

Today, I would like to discuss something that I’ve always been passionate speaking about.
It’s about how getting older taught me valuable lessons in life, past & presently as well.

For most people, life begins as soon as you start breathing.
Mostly, it’s true and I agree with certain parts to an extent.
However, I felt like it didn’t truly begin until I was old enough to
understand the difference between living and existing, that’s when I
felt my life really started making sense, for the first time in my whole existence.

It sounds a little far-fetched, and perhaps that’s how I see it,
but the definition of life is different for everyone and I can’t even say that
enough times. In my personal experience, what getting older taught me the most is
that life is never as complicated as we might imagine it’d be.
And I say this in my own experience of it, not anyone else’s.
Anyway…getting older taught me to always respect the ones present in life
(except the ones who least deserve it, I let them go) and to never take anything
for granted because the existence of life is never guaranteed. In this age of time,
some of us forget how fragile life is in reality, and how easily it can be taken away
without a single thought. I know this because I lost my dear grandmother this year.
Getting older also helped me learn many valuable lessons,
such as, never count the days in which you live, but count the amount of good energy
that surrounds it, and the amount of wonderful moments created in that space of time.
For me, poetry was always the shoulder to cry on, the support always needed,
which is a big reason why I am putting together a book of poems from my heart,
creating good out of bad experiences, memories I’d rather forget and so forth.
It makes the work more authentic and personal in that sense.‎

breaking points

okdIt starts with a simple trigger, and it ends with an emotional cry of defeat. A passive-aggressive mechanism mastered from the years and pieces of you broken off like you’re society’s doll, robotic to emotion and numb from the chemical imbalance of one’s mind.

What you saw in movies, it became your illusion, the safety blanket you never had as a child, but eventually, the rose-colored lens faded, and you saw the world in all the disgusting hues of reality. Blue became associated with sadness & your lover’s eyes, red became nothing but a reminder of the blood you lost, and the love that decayed along with it.

I wish life was like it seemed when childhood nightmares were only the majority of life’s problems, you could breathe oxygen without being constantly clouded by the loss of your beloved, oh how tragic it felt at the time, but as time goes, you start to feel the hatred building like the blocks you had as a kid, ain’t it funny how tables can twist and turn?

 

triple threat

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Been so inspired today, it got me thinking about book ideas & what I want it all to be like.
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the day after

found myself writing a lot now, I don’t know if it’s out of guilt for abandoning my blog or if it’s because I have all these emotions I need to get out of my system in a decent expressive way.

I find myself rambling on, not caring if anyone gives a damn because the only opinion that should matter is my own, but at the same time, validation of my own words will always weigh heavy on my mind regardless.

if only I could live without a care in the world. there’s a lot of me I don’t show the people I love, the darker, the twisted parts of my personality that I simply hide between poetry and numbness.

I know it’ll never amount to complete and utter success, and that clichéd poets rarely find their mark on people’s lives, but my heart wants none but soul and heartfelt connection.

open letter to my 18 year old self

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Dear you,

It’s been a crazy time in life but it’s getting better each day, the chaos is still present but I know obstacles are there to help me face the fears I need to the most. I wish you were as confident as you are today, if only I knew the blossoming process of the heart would begin just after that specific moment in time. There’s been love, there’s been heartbreak, and most recently; the loss of the grandmother who shaped your heart into the one it is today. She’s at peace and no longer in pain and that’s what you should always remind yourself of in times of grief and sadness. It will hurt and the pain never truly goes away, but as you appreciate each day and each breath, you’ll be making her so proud way up from above.

Creativity wise, keep writing, never lose sight of your dreams and keep going until you reach that damn goal of yours. Poetry is not about what it brings you, but more about the joy it brings to write your heart out, regardless if you’re rambling or simply expressing.

Love on the other hand, is something you shouldn’t focus on too much right now. Focus on your own wellbeing before walking into the path of companionship. Appreciate the friends that have been there from day one and remember that life goes on no matter if someone leaves you or you leave them. I know you’re not in the right state of heart to love again, neither should you force yourself to be with someone for the sake of being in the company of anyone. Love at the right time, love the person who truly deserves you and let go of the ones who do not deserve your time and affection, because they don’t appreciate it, rather less than you originally had thought. Focus on you and you’ll be in a much happier place of mind because of it.

I thought writing this letter would be a good idea because I wish you knew how great life is and how good it can be, in the company of the right people and the family that loves you.

Life is a blossoming flower, for it to grow, you need to nurture the mind, feed the soul a lot of love and care, take care of the heart that beats for you and always appreciate each moment of life because you never know when it will end.

twenty

My last day of being 20, nearly heading off to 21. I find it bittersweet because my late grandfather’s birthday should have been today, and it’s officially a week since my grandmother passed away. I find time is never truly appreciated until it’s nearly gone
and since I lost her, time is something I pay attention to more than ever before, honestly.

It’s crazy how a loss such as this was a wake-up call for me and all of my family. I’ve been looking through childhood photos and I still can’t speak of her in past tense, it still hasn’t sunk in that I’ll never see her again. I guess sometimes we need a lot of rain to create a beautiful rainbow of hope. Sigh, nostalgia lane. Yeah, this isn’t exactly a great blog post but it’s something dear to my heart and I find myself forgetting that a lot of the time.

As of midnight, I’ll be taking a moment to remember my grandparents.
Sometimes, we all need that silence to clear our path and build upon life.

the art of mind

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I never thought my life would be so influenced by the internet, and it feels surreal talking about it, because I don’t consider myself an established blogger/writer as of yet. And to whoever does follow my blog, thank you for motivating me to continue. They say writing is like putting a flower garden together, you help it all grow into something beautiful and worthwhile. I would add a “read more” link but it’s nice to express simply because I enjoy it. Although, a bit of traffic is never a bad thing! Unless you’re a driver, (oops sorry). On another note, I really would love to hear what YOU think. Like for example; what makes a writer great? if anything, what does a good blog contain? I’m hoping to hear opinions, because yours will mean a lot. As a writer, I want to progress, I want to be relatable and be able to reach people in the sort of depth that really connects us. Do I want to be a full-time writer? Of course I do. Will I achieve that? I don’t know yet. Regardless of what life throws my way, I will always write for the sake of creativity and self-expression. It’s amazing how simple words can unite and guide us. I’m not sure where to end this, but perhaps it is eternal, metaphorically speaking.

-mc.

the mindset of a writer

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The mind never sleeps, and by losing an hour of each day, I feel that I won’t be sleeping much either. Right now, I am in a stage in my life where I am fragile, more anxious than usual and most of all; not sure of who I am meant to be or destined to be.

As much as I’m trying to follow my heart and make my dreams a reality,
in this age, it’s difficult to not overthink the situation.

Writing is the one thing I am passionate about, I feel that I can speak volumes simply in a few sentences. Although a broken heart lead me down this path, I feel like I was meant to end up here anyway. Like, it was a destiny to evolve into this version of myself.

When you know, you just know, I guess.

It’s something indescribable, yet, it’s deep in your veins and your heart beats for it.

Dreams are the one piece of you that others can’t take away from you,
it’s a part of who you are and give you faith in your own choices.

Sometimes I get so lost in things, approval honestly becomes
my make or break point, and at times, I disappoint myself.

It shouldn’t be about who appreciates it, it should be about if YOU believe in it.
So don’t waste your life caring about other people’s opinion, start caring about YOURS.
I honestly believe that in order to succeed truly, is to always believe in your dreams.

Never take yourself for granted. Start living and creating for you.
Believe in your dreams and yourself; because otherwise, who will?