For Granted

I wrapped my thoughts in denial, thinking it would change the outcome.

To bite your tongue and accept the reality of things, I’ve always taken for granted.

Clarity in front of you, to seek your trust and guide you towards hope.

Fragile Aspects Of Life

Life is nothing like we envisioned, as little children. We’ve been taught to believe that we’re just a puzzle piece to place, another foundation to lay.

Our state of mind crumbles, as we see the world for what it is. Disguised as a flaw, seen as a weakness.

Instead of encouraging one another, we have been programmed to function, in a different manner.

We’re motivated by our greed, the pressure to succeed is inevitably a weight on our shoulders.

If only some of us had the voice or the courage to break the stigma, once and for all. But of course, talking about taboo subjects is another challenge, in place.

Anyone who does, I’m forever intrigued and inspired by you.

Hours That Follow, A Poem Draft From Book #3

There’s something about the midnight hour, I can’t understand how it works, or if it calms my soul enough to heal my battle wounds.

Either way, it builds my core, to the point of nausea. You push yourself to the edge and somehow recover, just to fall back on your word again.

It’s a continuous cycle, the same routine of thought, as time leads you on a journey.

You can either hide in denial, or confront your darkest personality traits in depth.

To cut ties with fear of abandonment, a need for approval; Am I losing touch with reality or am I too aware of my own weaknesses and destructive mindset?

It takes a lot to admit defeat, and admit that you’re a broken individual.

So for the time being, love your fellow entities that surround the halls of your mind. For the present hour, cherish the hours that follow.

Be fearless, love the obstacles that test you. Kill the fear that haunts your path.

Free the mind, cure the anxiety of not knowing what’s going to happen next.

It’s Not Me, It’s Obviously You

When people are so far into their own denial,
that they start putting the blame on you…

 

First of all, I’m not the one with the personal troubles, or the attitude,
I am not the one making others feel miserable just so you can feel better.

I am not the one in the wrong here.

 

For once, I wish people would just look at themselves in the mirror before immediately attacking someone else, just because they’re in denial of their actions, or their personal demons.

 

It’s like, what have I ever done to deserve your wrath?

Did I cause your pain? No, I did not. Nor am I the reason for your behavior.

 

Whichever personal experiences have changed you, they are not mine to judge. I will not judge you for that. But, I also will not tolerate accusations from you either.

 

How you wish to process that information, I do not know.
My words certainly aren’t flawed with bad intentions.

Nostalgic Tendencies

That’s what I don’t like about my mind.

Certain things seem to play on repeat like a record.

You could tell me goodbye and it wouldn’t go through until the year after.

Denial sinks in faster than the speed of light, just when you least want it to affect you.

Let’s hope it doesn’t last forever. But again, all things emotive have an expiration date (I hope).

The Midnight Owl

Writing at night has been my thing for such a long time, wonder why I never created a blog specifically for my late night writes. Hey, why not?

Next year, I want a lot of things to be different in my life. Not sure what the future holds, but the only way is forward or no direction at all.

I often sit here, staring blankly at the walls. The night is my shelter and my security. It assures the soul, heart.

Life is hard when certain people are nowhere to be seen, whereas other people are all the places you don’t want them to be.

If only life was as easy as the adults told us kids about, when we were young and free.

No worries, no stress, no money problems and no fear in general, apart from the occasional bruise or falling over a toy.

A simpler time. One that we long for, once doors seem to close and opportunities run out.

It kind of feels like our luck is fading with each year that goes by.

Cherish people, keep memories alive and remember to love. The story is ours to tell.

Heart On The Line

“This poem is a favorite of mine. I feel like it should be in the yet-to-be-released book, although the process is still ongoing. But you can always comment below and tell me what you think. Yay or Nay?”

The idealistic expectations of what is to be, is at times melancholy at best.

We seek redemption in the arms of strangers but for whom is this comfort suited?

Driven into the arms of someone else out of spite. Dusk until dawn, the nostalgic lust could last for weeks on end.

The picturesque beauty of love was slowly tainted by the broken promises on our bedroom nightstand.

For a minute, it would be heaven to pretend, that an illusion like this could be of greater proportion and depth.

Written out by hands cold from rejection and eyes blinded by devotion to a falling grace upon the stars.

You put your heart on the line, but at what cost?

breaking points

okdIt starts with a simple trigger, and it ends with an emotional cry of defeat. A passive-aggressive mechanism mastered from the years and pieces of you broken off like you’re society’s doll, robotic to emotion and numb from the chemical imbalance of one’s mind.

What you saw in movies, it became your illusion, the safety blanket you never had as a child, but eventually, the rose-colored lens faded, and you saw the world in all the disgusting hues of reality. Blue became associated with sadness & your lover’s eyes, red became nothing but a reminder of the blood you lost, and the love that decayed along with it.

I wish life was like it seemed when childhood nightmares were only the majority of life’s problems, you could breathe oxygen without being constantly clouded by the loss of your beloved, oh how tragic it felt at the time, but as time goes, you start to feel the hatred building like the blocks you had as a kid, ain’t it funny how tables can twist and turn?

 

open letter to my 18 year old self

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Dear you,

It’s been a crazy time in life but it’s getting better each day, the chaos is still present but I know obstacles are there to help me face the fears I need to the most. I wish you were as confident as you are today, if only I knew the blossoming process of the heart would begin just after that specific moment in time. There’s been love, there’s been heartbreak, and most recently; the loss of the grandmother who shaped your heart into the one it is today. She’s at peace and no longer in pain and that’s what you should always remind yourself of in times of grief and sadness. It will hurt and the pain never truly goes away, but as you appreciate each day and each breath, you’ll be making her so proud way up from above.

Creativity wise, keep writing, never lose sight of your dreams and keep going until you reach that damn goal of yours. Poetry is not about what it brings you, but more about the joy it brings to write your heart out, regardless if you’re rambling or simply expressing.

Love on the other hand, is something you shouldn’t focus on too much right now. Focus on your own wellbeing before walking into the path of companionship. Appreciate the friends that have been there from day one and remember that life goes on no matter if someone leaves you or you leave them. I know you’re not in the right state of heart to love again, neither should you force yourself to be with someone for the sake of being in the company of anyone. Love at the right time, love the person who truly deserves you and let go of the ones who do not deserve your time and affection, because they don’t appreciate it, rather less than you originally had thought. Focus on you and you’ll be in a much happier place of mind because of it.

I thought writing this letter would be a good idea because I wish you knew how great life is and how good it can be, in the company of the right people and the family that loves you.

Life is a blossoming flower, for it to grow, you need to nurture the mind, feed the soul a lot of love and care, take care of the heart that beats for you and always appreciate each moment of life because you never know when it will end.

heaven took you home

On May 19th 2016, my world changed for the worst; my incredible, beloved grandmother Eila succumbed to her cancerous brain tumor as well as suspected organ failure. I was prepared for the days to come, as I had been told to prepare for the worst to happen but when it actually happened less than a night and a half later, you could say I was in shock, speechless, lost for words completely like any person would be. I miss her unconditionally.

To me, she wasn’t just a grandmother, she was a ray of sunshine on a cold autumn’s day, that breath of fresh air in the summer, that crisp snowflake falling from above, she was one of the most inspiring women I ever had the chance to know, although not for too long, but my memory of her will never fade, she’ll forever be in my heart, my guarding spirit.

I always knew this day would come, but when it would and how it would affect me, I never truly understood the depth of it all until I got that dreaded phone call. I froze, literally.

Can’t put it into words how amazing she was to me, how much she adored her family, she was the human definition of unconditional love and care, she had the most caring spirit I’ve ever known, kindness beyond words, a heart of gold regardless of circumstance, so it pains me when I have to talk about her in past tense, it absolutely breaks my heart to know that I’ll never get another hug from my dearest grandmother again.

She never once complained about the cancer that ultimately would take her last breath, and I never once witnessed her asking others for help, she was independent, vibrant and strong until she no longer could be, and I know that saddened her in more ways than anyone could imagine. Never thought I’d be writing something like this, but this is to honor my grandmother for the amazing human being she was, and I hope Heaven knows that it gained a beautiful angel with golden wings. She was my sunshine in the gray, and now my sky is empty without her glow.

RIP, Grandma. I will never forget you. I hope I make you proud.