Steps Forward

If there’s one thing I wish I was good at, it would definitely be drawing.

Often enough, I find myself so taken back at the talent of many gifted artists.

I also wish I could paint beautiful images on canvases too. Being able to express yourself through words is one thing, but creating a visual of your vision is another.

With this next project of mine, I genuinely wanted to take my time, perfect it accordingly to my heart’s content, whilst embracing the beauty of imperfections in the process.

It’s not all aesthetically pleasing, sometimes very far from it. But you can’t always judge a book by its cover, because you never know what magic lies within those pages.

To be honest, I’ve spent enough time being my own worst critic. In this chapter of life, all I want is to feel happy and inspired.

Mila. Xo

Poem: paper-thin apologies

This is a poem I wrote tonight. I wasn’t planning to, neither did I think I was going to write one at all. But I did, and I wanted to post it on the blog. Not the best thing I’ve written, yet not the worst either. Enjoy.

Submerged with all these fears

They look through her like glass

Eyes stained with cruelty and spite

You find your way through the cracks

Of her broken mind

Like the river of tears

That fills her eyes

And runs down her face

Mila. Xo

Inspired Again

Not writing as much as I used to is quite bittersweet. But, you can’t rush or force creativity.

That’s one thing I’ve learned, the difficult way.

All in all, I am beginning to feel inspired again, which has been a wonderful feeling.

Finding that passion for writing once again, it gives you a reason to think positive and remain hopeful.

Like many things in life, it’s not always straightforward. Yet, I’m always up for a challenge.

Mila. Xo

What If I Lose My Creativity?

From an early age, I found a sanctuary in writing stuff down, not knowing if I would end up regretting doing so or being thankful that I ultimately did.

It’s not just about being creative, but having a passion for what you’re creating. In recent years, I’ve noticed a decline in motivation, particularly when it comes to writing, and that is very disheartening to witness, first-hand.

From being the young girl who couldn’t stop writing, to barely writing at all, it’s a very gradual yet abrupt shock to the system. The conflicted emotions I have about this come and go. Some days, I’m less critical of my lack of creative drive. Other times, it feels like a part of me is lost and trying to find myself again.

Yes, I update my blog on a daily basis, but sometimes, I don’t even feel like doing that. Not because I don’t like it anymore, and it’s kind of hard to explain as to why it has changed so much.

Things change as you get older, possibly. And truth be told, my old teenage self was slightly less emotionally filtered, more prone to saying too much in a way.

Has that changed as I’ve gotten older? Of course, to some extent. I genuinely try to think before I speak, you need to have some kind of boundary with yourself. Ensuring that what you’re putting out there is appropriate.

Before 2021 comes to an end, it is a goal of mine to begin the process of writing for my third poetry book, at least complete some part of it. I’m not entirely sure when I’ll manage to publish it, that depends on where I am at in my writing journey and what my instinct is telling me.

I’ve said this before too, being an introvert who loves to express herself is contradictory. Getting out of this shell is proving more difficult than I could have imagined.

There’s many factors and obstacles to overcome in my journey to becoming the best version of myself, in more ways than one.

Every journey varies, person to person. We’re all trying to figure things out. It’s just that, for some of us, it will take more time and I have to accept this.

This is a longer post than usual, but when you have inspiration in your heart to talk about something important, why waste the opportunity?

As always, I hope everyone is doing well and having a great day.
However, if not, just know that you are enough.

Mila. Xo

Looking Forward

Starting work on this new project has proven tough, yet I know that timing is key, and so is patience with yourself.

Found myself writing down titles, it’s a start, but not the kind of progress I was hoping for. You just have to take a deep breath, remind yourself that it will happen at the right time.

Close to falling asleep, so I’ll probably leave it at that and write more tomorrow. Have a wonderful evening (or day, depending on your location)

Mila. Xo

Three Years: Poetry Book Anniversary

This will be a slightly different entry on the blog, which I’m slightly nervous about. I rarely do this, if ever, but I’ll be sharing the links to both of my little poetry collections at the end of this post, to celebrate the third anniversary of my second writing project, A Cryptic Human Entity.

It’s been a journey, a lot has been going on since then, not necessarily of the creative sense, although, I look forward to the next chapter of my writing’s progression/era.

A Cryptic Human Entity in particular, that collection means a lot to me. It was the first time I’d felt brave enough to show a lot of poems that were darker, many of which I always wanted to make public in some way.

When that project was being created, I was still coming to terms with the passing of my grandmother almost two years prior, there were a lot of suppressed emotions and feelings. I definitely wanted to get out of my comfort zone, no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel.

It was an emotional experience, but so liberating at the same time.

Hard to believe it’s been three years already. I still remember how happy I felt receiving my copies of the finished product in the mail. I’ll never forget that moment.

Said this many times before, but I do understand that I’m not the best at writing, yet I will say that I write for me, first and foremost. If anyone likes it at all, it’ll always be so appreciated.

I’ve spent too long seeking approval from others, and the older I get, the more I am finding confidence and acceptance within myself. I am a work in progress, and so are my thoughts, feelings, emotions and poetry/stories.

As mentioned at the beginning of this post, I’ll leave the links to A Cryptic Human Entity & Lay Your Hands Bare down below, feel free to take a look (or not) and thank you in advance.

https://www.blurb.co.uk/b/8737840-a-cryptic-human-entity
https://www.blurb.co.uk/b/8193531-lay-your-hands-bare

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Happy Sunday!

Mila. Xo

Gloomy Wednesday

Despite the unfortunate weather, and the mixed emotions of the day, it wasn’t all too unbearable. It’s safe to say that I’ll be asleep sooner rather than later.

Already mid-week again, I don’t necessarily mind it because I get to do Math and take my mind off things (Who even am I anymore? haha)

It’s been a constant mix of apathy and motivation for me today.

Had the motivation to get things done, yet at the same time, there were elements of apathetic moments throughout the day as well.

On the bright side, my new exercise bike has been a great addition to the house. It makes me want to spend more time in the living room for once.

All the other stuff aside, I just wanted to say that it’s important to look after yourself. That’s something I’ve tried to keep a priority, regardless of how my day is going to be.

Not the most interesting post I’ve ever made on this blog, but perhaps tomorrow will inspire me further? Until then, have a great Wednesday.

Mila. Xo

Rambling Type

It feels like half of my recent blog entries are often not as interesting as they could be and I do apologize about that. Since it’s a personal blog of sorts, yet very open and transparent, I do feel like it’s a strange mix of the two.

Although, I’m always so grateful to anyone who reads any of it. Definitely encourages me and inspires me to keep going. This blog has been a big part of my journey as a person and that is incredible.

Next month marks six years of this blog (many name changes but we’ll ignore that)

Hard to believe that I’ve kept this active for so long, I never stuck to any other blog or website like this. I’m dedicated, for sure.

Where this will lead further into the future, I’m not sure.

The only way is forward, with time.

I spent most of the day focused on studying for this exam, which is a big achievement for me as I usually don’t like it at all. However, failing would honestly disappoint me, so there’s that.

Will try and find an interesting topic to discuss tomorrow, if my schedule will allow an early post.

I’m also waiting for a piece of furniture to be delivered, plus there’s phone calls to be made, a webinar to access at 11am, a lot of math revision because I will try my hardest not to fail this exam on Friday.

That being said, I hope you all have a good rest of Tuesday.

Mila. Xo

Last Week Of April…

May is around the corner, and I don’t quite know what to make of this fact.

It’s a bittersweet month, for many reasons. I both dread and look forward to it, if that makes sense at all?

Complicated person over here, trying to work all of life out, one step/day at a time. Honestly glad the weekend is here though, I can sleep a lot, eat good food and hopefully write more poems and blog posts.

All I’ve managed to collect and write down is titles for things, creatively speaking. Got a lot on my mind, so that doesn’t help.

But have a good weekend, enjoy it.

Mila. Xo