complex

State Of Acceptance

Might be a blog post, or a rant, perhaps a poem that sounds out of sync. We’ll see…

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Poem: paper-thin apologies

This is a poem I wrote tonight. I wasn’t planning to, neither did I think I was going to write one at all. But I did, and I wanted to post it on the blog. Not the best thing I’ve written, yet not the worst either. Enjoy.

Submerged with all these fears

They look through her like glass

Eyes stained with cruelty and spite

You find your way through the cracks

Of her broken mind

Like the river of tears

That fills her eyes

And runs down her face

Mila. Xo

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Busy Friday Ahead

Almost midnight here, tomorrow is Friday and I have a lot to get done on that day.

My mind is racing, too many thoughts at once. Not necessarily a bad thing, I suppose I’m a perfectionist when it comes to planning.

There’s a chance I might fall asleep. Luckily, I managed to write a list of what I need to get done tomorrow. Saturday is going to be fun.

Usually I look forward to the weekend, but when I have important things to do, it makes me kind of stressed at times.

Nonetheless, it’s going to be eventful. Life does not have one dull moment, I can tell you that much.

Mila. Xo

Bittersweet Tomorrow

I’m personally conflicted on how to feel about tomorrow, grief is complex, that’s just the reality of it. There’s definitely a lot more to talk about on the day and I will be dedicating the next post to my late grandmother.

To think that it has been five years (tomorrow) is so unreal, it truly does make you realize the importance of family. I’ll honestly never forget that phone call.

All you can do is try and find comfort in knowing the person is no longer in pain and free of the suffering. Regardless of how long it’s been or how short, loss is loss. Grief will always be there with you.

What I do want to do as time goes on, is celebrate that person’s life and all the wonderful memories we shared. I’m sure that they would have wanted that.

Anyway, life is precious, don’t take it for granted, and just live each day to the fullest. That’s something I am trying to, as difficult as that can be at times.

Take care of you and others, be kind.

Mila. Xo

Nostalgia Hurts

I wasn’t sure if I felt like writing at all today, but I knew I’d feel better if I did. Tried my best to remain busy and productive, which I think I was successful with.

As the title states quite clearly: Nostalgia hurts.

Not always the case, might I add. But for me…it weighed heavy on my shoulders like a ton of bricks today, for a lot of reasons. There’s been a lot of personal development in terms of how I deal with this as it happens.

So, that’s at least one positive way to look at a complicated situation.

That being said, I’ve still felt struck by thoughts going a thousand miles per hour. If anything, it’s a lesson of life. Knowing how to explain this feeling in a structured manner proved difficult regardless.

Right now, I just want to focus on my writing, and enjoy the weekend to the best of my ability. Part of me wants to stay up late, the responsible part of me wants to rest and be up early in the morning.

Always a clash between the two, but I’ll leave it up to my intuition and see where it takes me. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Mila. Xo

Gloomy Wednesday

Despite the unfortunate weather, and the mixed emotions of the day, it wasn’t all too unbearable. It’s safe to say that I’ll be asleep sooner rather than later.

Already mid-week again, I don’t necessarily mind it because I get to do Math and take my mind off things (Who even am I anymore? haha)

It’s been a constant mix of apathy and motivation for me today.

Had the motivation to get things done, yet at the same time, there were elements of apathetic moments throughout the day as well.

On the bright side, my new exercise bike has been a great addition to the house. It makes me want to spend more time in the living room for once.

All the other stuff aside, I just wanted to say that it’s important to look after yourself. That’s something I’ve tried to keep a priority, regardless of how my day is going to be.

Not the most interesting post I’ve ever made on this blog, but perhaps tomorrow will inspire me further? Until then, have a great Wednesday.

Mila. Xo

Hello Again, May

Happy 1st of May, everyone.

Starting a new month on the weekend is always fun, yet strange in the way that you almost lose track of which day it is.

Nonetheless, I’m trying to appreciate the time I have to destress and get stuff done. Luckily, there’s not much to do, a very positive thing if I must say say so myself.

Plus, it’s a Bank Holiday weekend, so three days instead of two.

This is one of those months where I’m kind of stuck in the middle, emotionally. Many great things to be grateful for, although I miss my late grandmother terribly during this time.

For that reason, the 19th hurts to think about. And my birthday is a week and a day later, so celebrating that feels awkward, but I know my grandmother is in a better place, and she lived a long and unique life, one of the most inspiring women I have ever known to exist, in my eyes.

Grief is hard to navigate, even now, almost five years on.

Our guardian angels are protecting us from above, I know that much by now. And so is the Lord, he works in mysterious ways to guide us and strengthen us.

Have a wonderful Saturday.

Mila. Xo