Saying goodbye is the hardest thing, especially when the person does not recognize who you are anymore and you could not communicate due to a language barrier that once didn’t exist, not to mention the distance between you and I for the longest of time. That’s what happened in the months before you left this Earth.
Today marks five years without the most loving, compassionate, selfless grandmother a young woman could ever have wished for. It feels just like yesterday when I got the call no one wants to get.
As much as I tried to prepare myself for this moment to arrive because I understood that it was inevitable, it was still one of the most painful moments of my life. Talking about this woman in the past-tense never gets easier, the first few years of grieving the loss, I truly felt numb, crying felt impossible because I was so in denial.
To this day, I cherish our last conversation. You said my name in such a delicate tone, you asked me how my day was, and you said you loved me.
Whenever I have a moment of sadness, or just a tough day in general, I think of you and I smile. You showed me what it means to be strong, your bravery and strength through it all was powerful beyond words, you are truly my hero, my guardian angel above, alongside the other beautiful souls who are up there with you.
What has also made me feel closer to my late grandmother is one of middle names, which is hers and it is right next to my first name, I really find comfort in that. And I also find comfort in faith, because my grandmother kept it near and dear to her heart all her life, until the end.
Immensely grateful for the years I got to know you, you’ll always be so important to me and remembered for your kind heart, nurturing nature and a lot more.
Grief can be such a wake-up call, it makes you appreciate life, love and family more than ever. Of course, bear in mind, the complexity will always be there, regardless of time.
Cherish the ones you love, be kind, take care of you and others and God bless you all.
I wasn’t sure if I felt like writing at all today, but I knew I’d feel better if I did. Tried my best to remain busy and productive, which I think I was successful with.
As the title states quite clearly: Nostalgia hurts.
Not always the case, might I add. But for me…it weighed heavy on my shoulders like a ton of bricks today, for a lot of reasons. There’s been a lot of personal development in terms of how I deal with this as it happens.
So, that’s at least one positive way to look at a complicated situation.
That being said, I’ve still felt struck by thoughts going a thousand miles per hour. If anything, it’s a lesson of life. Knowing how to explain this feeling in a structured manner proved difficult regardless.
Right now, I just want to focus on my writing, and enjoy the weekend to the best of my ability. Part of me wants to stay up late, the responsible part of me wants to rest and be up early in the morning.
Always a clash between the two, but I’ll leave it up to my intuition and see where it takes me. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
This will probably be a short blog entry for the time being, but I’m hoping to get an early start tomorrow morning and write more in depth, as well as get a lot of other things done too.
Can’t believe my birthday is in 16 days, not that I’m counting down, necessarily. Although, it is very strange at times. You’re only as young as you are in this moment, or so I’ve heard over the years.
It would be interesting to know what life would look like in the future, the not knowing part of it all does bother me, until I tend to ask myself this question: Do I really want to know my future?
Yes, and no.
I’m sure a lot of people are possibly curious about this type of thing, right?
It’s natural to think about it as you get older and wiser, life is a journey, after all. And life’s set of scenarios lead us down our own customized path.
Perhaps, it’s not up to us. I keep an open mind and heart when it comes to that, because all I want is peace of mind, above anything else, if I’m being completely blunt.
But to end this post on a positive note, I have learned so much in the last couple of years, and I just hope to keep learning, growing, blossoming into the person I was destined to be at the right time.
A more consistent blogging schedule is what I am aiming for, in the long run.
I do find myself struggling at times, whether it’s with blog post ideas, diverse concepts and other various writing related issues. However, not all days are like this, inspiration does occur, although not as often as I would like it to.
Writing more can be a little tricky, if you’ve got creative blocks, or just a lack of inspiration in general.
Self-expression is such a wonderful outlet, it makes me feel better, writing stuff down helps declutter my mind, it keeps my thoughts balanced, for the most part.
Don’t be afraid to talk about your emotions, that’s all I’m saying.