It Takes You Home

When I was little, I spent a lot of quality time with my grandmother.

She used to knit, whilst I cut up old pieces of clothing to sew together a little cotton bag for myself, or two.

Looking back on it now, it truly sinks in, the realization that you’re gone.

No longer do I see, the smile that lit up the room. Your loving words of encouragement as I began to blossom, like the butterflies in your garden.

Our moments, I cherish more than I ever knew my heart could. This is the reality of losing you.

ego’s in the sand

Two blog posts in a short time, never thought it would happen in 2016 but hello.
Continue reading

a poem for the soul

In life, it feels like the superficial reality of it poisons our system
I never understood what seemed wonderful about lying to yourself.

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poetry lanes

I rarely talk about the poems or the ideas I have for my book, much of which
I have yet to figure out for myself and my creative flow. Continue reading

breaking points

okdIt starts with a simple trigger, and it ends with an emotional cry of defeat. A passive-aggressive mechanism mastered from the years and pieces of you broken off like you’re society’s doll, robotic to emotion and numb from the chemical imbalance of one’s mind.

What you saw in movies, it became your illusion, the safety blanket you never had as a child, but eventually, the rose-colored lens faded, and you saw the world in all the disgusting hues of reality. Blue became associated with sadness & your lover’s eyes, red became nothing but a reminder of the blood you lost, and the love that decayed along with it.

I wish life was like it seemed when childhood nightmares were only the majority of life’s problems, you could breathe oxygen without being constantly clouded by the loss of your beloved, oh how tragic it felt at the time, but as time goes, you start to feel the hatred building like the blocks you had as a kid, ain’t it funny how tables can twist and turn?

 

open letter to my 18 year old self

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Dear you,

It’s been a crazy time in life but it’s getting better each day, the chaos is still present but I know obstacles are there to help me face the fears I need to the most. I wish you were as confident as you are today, if only I knew the blossoming process of the heart would begin just after that specific moment in time. There’s been love, there’s been heartbreak, and most recently; the loss of the grandmother who shaped your heart into the one it is today. She’s at peace and no longer in pain and that’s what you should always remind yourself of in times of grief and sadness. It will hurt and the pain never truly goes away, but as you appreciate each day and each breath, you’ll be making her so proud way up from above.

Creativity wise, keep writing, never lose sight of your dreams and keep going until you reach that damn goal of yours. Poetry is not about what it brings you, but more about the joy it brings to write your heart out, regardless if you’re rambling or simply expressing.

Love on the other hand, is something you shouldn’t focus on too much right now. Focus on your own wellbeing before walking into the path of companionship. Appreciate the friends that have been there from day one and remember that life goes on no matter if someone leaves you or you leave them. I know you’re not in the right state of heart to love again, neither should you force yourself to be with someone for the sake of being in the company of anyone. Love at the right time, love the person who truly deserves you and let go of the ones who do not deserve your time and affection, because they don’t appreciate it, rather less than you originally had thought. Focus on you and you’ll be in a much happier place of mind because of it.

I thought writing this letter would be a good idea because I wish you knew how great life is and how good it can be, in the company of the right people and the family that loves you.

Life is a blossoming flower, for it to grow, you need to nurture the mind, feed the soul a lot of love and care, take care of the heart that beats for you and always appreciate each moment of life because you never know when it will end.

cavities and anxiety

I made so much progress at the start of my journey, but as I took one step back, so did my progress in terms of anxiety. It’s something I’ve battled with and suffered from quite a few years now, but the battle; it never truly ends, no matter what anyone says or thinks.

It’s pretty much like depression, except you’re anything but numb to the fact that it triggers automatically as soon as you want to go out, eat in public, or even simply want to take a walk outside and appreciate the oxygen we breathe and the roads we walk in this life.

Must admit, I thought I was over it when I had the courage to walk alone, stay out late, and didn’t worry about the small things that used to bother the hell out of me, regardless of what. But the truth is, it was in placebo effect mode, and now as I think about it, everything starts making sense. I wasn’t making progress, anything but that.

Denial and winning is two different things, and I was not the winner of this battle yet, I was still on the road to recovery of self and control. I wish it were merely a light-switch.

a cup full of love

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In times of need, we find ourselves bottling up the emotions that keep us awake at night, and putting on a smile for the world to see and for us to believe that it is a genuine one.

Thankfully, there are places on the internet where venting about life is possible.

7 Cups Of Tea, also known as 7cups, is one of those. I was glad to know that I wasn’t alone.
I’ve been a listener on there for over a year now, and it’s rewarding to make a difference in someone’s life, whether it’d be little or huge. I take pride in helping others.

Compassion and support is something we all long for, it is a necessity as a human being
which makes it even more important that 7cups exists for people in need of this.

My fellow listeners on there are always wonderful, I feel at ease talking to them because it feels like someone actually genuinely cares and wants to listen to what I need to get off my chest, emotionally. It’s been a pleasure to get to know most of them, the group chats are always helpful, and there are different ones for everyone to choose from.

I can’t put it into words how humbled I am to be a listener on this incredible website.
Although it’s not the only place you can vent, it’s definitely one I recommend to anyone!

It deserves more recognition for what it does, and the amount of people it helps every single day, I can’t express how much it has saved my sanity when I felt like life was becoming too much. And I was scared at first to open up, because my anxiety makes me quite anxious about talking to new people, but I felt at peace almost immediately.

The fear of being judged is high, but with places like these, you don’t have to be.
It’s completely anonymous so you never have to be afraid to really be honest.

It’s something I think is worthy of many articles, mostly because so many suffer in silence and it’s not okay. We all deserve support, we’re people with real feelings and we want to feel like our feelings are valid and understood. So, if you’re ever in need of someone to speak with, don’t hesitate to check it out.

Link is below! 🙂

http://7cups.com