Living One Moment At A Time

The idea that you need to have your life together at a certain time, a certain age, it can all be too much to think about sometimes. We grow up with these idealistic views of what success looks like, what a perfect world entails.

At the young age of 25, I feel increasingly worried about the future. Have I done enough at this age? Am I the odd one out?

It’s not as easy as people think, becoming an overnight success, finding the perfect job, having a perfect forever home. As a whole, society’s standards are difficult to live up to.

Taught to be ourselves, yet persecuted for our differences, our insecurities used as a weapon, people don’t listen to understand, there’s a lack of equality despite all these supposed regulations put in place, to protect us from discrimination, bullying, sexism, racism and many more.

I understand life is not a straightforward experience for the majority of people, but when does it all become too much? And don’t even get me started on the stigma surrounding mental health and the simple yet complex task of asking for help when necessary.

Fake it ’til you make it, or so I’ve been told about a dozen times or more.

Turning a blind eye to your problems is a temporary fix, ignoring them won’t solve anything. Facing them is equally challenging, but the comfort you feel once you do so is a sense of relief, a burden off your shoulders.

Life will get tougher before it gets better, I’m sure.

I just hope the future is much brighter than it has been in these recent weeks, months, even years. After all, you never know what to expect.


Mila. Xo



Ignited Feelings Of Worry

When it comes to fear, or the stresses of certain situations, I often try to analyze and accept what I’m feeling at that particular moment.

Sometimes, it’s not always so easy.

My mind is slightly complex, the same yet different to everyone else’s.

I used to feel shame at getting overwhelmed over some things, it felt like I was the only one at times. (bear in mind, I’ve come a long way and it’s not as bad as it used to be)

To be honest, talking about it shouldn’t have to feel awkward. Everyone has their own struggles and worries, some are just more manageable than others.

And that’s okay, something I often tell myself in notes, diary entries etc.

Life has been a strange and complicated journey, but I’m grateful and blessed in many ways, and I’ve got a good support system.

I’m writing this currently on my phone because I have no energy to use my laptop. Got a few things to do tomorrow, nothing special.

Just hoping that it’ll be okay and I’ll have my peace of mind restored in no time.

This brings us to the end of another blog entry.

I’ll be back tomorrow to share yet another day of thoughts. This is truly a sanctuary for my mind.

God bless you all, and stay safe.

Mila. Xo

Cursed Is The Girl

People always used to tell me, that a creative child usually becomes a troubled adult.

Well, I used to dismiss the theory. It seemed cliché to me, at least, during my teenage years.

Maybe, that was the denial talking. I’ve always wanted to get down to the root cause, but there has been many examples of it.

I often find myself too involved, the mind can play tricks if you allow it, but it can also help you untangle past behaviors, patterns that seem to align, things you simply can’t shake off.

If my brain was an internal drive, which in many ways, it is, I doubt it would be in a solid state.

As technology progresses, I hope it evolves in a way that changes lives and enhances their sense of knowledge in more ways than just one or the other.

The other thing I find myself worrying about, is the high expectations on my shoulders and the validation that comes along with it, or lack of, if I’m honest.

Inside The Box

I’m a little hesitant about tomorrow. I know I probably shouldn’t be, yet in the back of my mind, I am.

The little whispers of self-doubt can be hard to ignore. I am my own worst enemy at times, I kid you not.

But, with small steps and a lot of pushing myself into the right direction, I’m hoping that I will conquer some of these thoughts in due time.

Of course, you have to be realistic with it. I’ll definitely try my hardest to have an open mind, yet cautious brain.

Caged Dreams, Hidden Ambitions

To have an ambitious heart, full of hopes and dreams, it is a pity that I’m full of these fears about the future.

As obvious as it might be, trying to distance yourself from them is a lot harder than meets the eye.

The easy way would probably be to blank them out until the denial kicks in, and you believe your own misguided words.

Or, to acknowledge the way you feel and how these fears make you feel or react – equally petrifying, in my opinion.

Existence & Purpose

When you lose your identity in the recycling bin, how do you find that part of you again?

I’m beginning to think, I have a long way to go.

Ever since I can remember, I associated my willingness to help others as my main source of purpose.

On this journey, I have come to understand everything a lot clearer.

It’s hard to articulate this in a way that wouldn’t offend. I’ve suppressed it all to the point where I just go along with the chaos. I don’t like it, even freaks me out most days. Back in the day, this blog was my only sanctuary for all these thoughts. It still is, but to a lesser extent.

To share is one thing, it’s one of the only things that make sense anymore.

Everything else is a blank, quite honestly. I could write a book about this, my mind is an abyss of thought, a lot of it has never been fully dissected nor processed.

To say that I am currently lost in the archive is an understatement. There’s so much I have yet to learn, to see, to experience.

I often wonder, what is my purpose, guide me to where I am meant to stand.

Is this modern world for an old soul like mine? Who knows.

Anyway, excuse the rambling. This is the first blog post where I haven’t been feeling empty. Let’s hope the new decade brings a lot of better days.

Love,

Mila. Xo

Late Bloomer’s Anthem: That Girl In The Corner

Although I’ve been writing every day, updating the blog on a regular basis turned out to be less ideal. Told myself it’s okay to not write constantly.

Despite my brain working hard, and barely thinking straight, I’ve kept myself calm and collected.

Having such an anxious mind can be a challenge. People will look at you, and think you’re a mess for it. I’m personally tired of criticizing myself.

For a long time, I was treated horribly by many people. Telling people no made me feel guilt on the highest degree, taking the time to heal felt like too much to ask for.

Learning to accept yourself and embrace the person you are, that’s a long process in itself. In the end, you’ll be grateful for the tough journey.

In the last six months, I’ve discovered strength within, that I never knew I had.

Found out the real meaning behind life, what it means to be living.

I’m only now starting to experience life in all its glory. Better a late bloomer than none at all. Soon enough, I’ll become the version of me I was destined to be, all along.

No, it doesn’t make me any less or any more. If anything, what didn’t kill my hope, it only strengthens mine with time.

There are things I have yet to improve, and I’m fully aware as it is.

Being weak in the flesh is nothing new. We’re perfectly imperfect, and sometimes you just have to keep moving forward.

Hoping 2019 brings love, happiness and so much more, to each and every one of you.

Obstacles…Where Do I Begin?

Hi all!

It’s Mila here, with a new blog post to share, finally.

Haven’t been posting a lot in recent months, I try and not clog up your feeds with too much emotive rambling, or heavy ranting…although, I have been tempted enough times.

Continue reading “Obstacles…Where Do I Begin?”

The Broken People Are Still Worthy

People have strong points and weaknesses. It’s not a crime to feel happy or sad and it’s not wrong to feel the emotion that we do.

This is what makes us human, even vulnerable at times. But it should never define you as a person.

Often enough, people like to point out that I don’t have a job, even though there’s a personal reason why, that my anxiety was and still is just another word for “lazy”, and that my depressive tendencies were an excuse to stay locked inside my own thoughts.

But the truth is, some people find a twisted pleasure in my failed attempts of independence. When something goes wrong or I personally feel terrible, it’s their joy in life.

I’m a known introvert, perhaps a social outcast, definitely a loser in some people’s eyes. But, there’s always a reason for my melancholy state of mind. Of course, it’s easier to judge me than display compassion.

All I can say is, a person’s pain is not something to laugh at. We all have different situations and complicated lives.

Listen to your family, cherish the loyal friends in your life, have long talks with the ones you know and love. Don’t abuse trust for a minute of gossip.

the pros and cons of being a people pleaser

People often say that being selfless is good, as long as you’re not being taken advantage of. Most times, people are grateful and that’s all fine and dandy for the majority.

But soon enough, you start to see a pattern of change in the ones who have become quite accustomed to the idea of you always lending a hand, which brings me to say…

Continue reading “the pros and cons of being a people pleaser”