Late Bloomer’s Anthem: That Girl In The Corner

Although I’ve been writing every day, updating the blog on a regular basis turned out to be less ideal. Told myself it’s okay to not write constantly.

Despite my brain working hard, and barely thinking straight, I’ve kept myself calm and collected.

Having such an anxious mind can be a challenge. People will look at you, and think you’re a mess for it. I’m personally tired of criticizing myself.

For a long time, I was treated horribly by many people. Telling people no made me feel guilt on the highest degree, taking the time to heal felt like too much to ask for.

Learning to accept yourself and embrace the person you are, that’s a long process in itself. In the end, you’ll be grateful for the tough journey.

In the last six months, I’ve discovered strength within, that I never knew I had.

Found out the real meaning behind life, what it means to be living.

I’m only now starting to experience life in all its glory. Better a late bloomer than none at all. Soon enough, I’ll become the version of me I was destined to be, all along.

No, it doesn’t make me any less or any more. If anything, what didn’t kill my hope, it only strengthens mine with time.

There are things I have yet to improve, and I’m fully aware as it is.

Being weak in the flesh is nothing new. We’re perfectly imperfect, and sometimes you just have to keep moving forward.

Hoping 2019 brings love, happiness and so much more, to each and every one of you.

Gratitude Hour

More so than ever, I have found myself on this journey of acceptance and discovery.

I had to learn how to let go, understand that there are many things I cannot change, no matter how much it pains me, to know this very crucial information.

Above all, it opened my eyes to clarity, inspiration and commitment. Not only to myself, but the ones who need me.

A wonderful day spent, indeed.

For Granted

I wrapped my thoughts in denial, thinking it would change the outcome.

To bite your tongue and accept the reality of things, I’ve always taken for granted.

Clarity in front of you, to seek your trust and guide you towards hope.

It Takes You Home

When I was little, I spent a lot of quality time with my grandmother.

She used to knit, whilst I cut up old pieces of clothing to sew together a little cotton bag for myself, or two.

Looking back on it now, it truly sinks in, the realization that you’re gone.

No longer do I see, the smile that lit up the room. Your loving words of encouragement as I began to blossom, like the butterflies in your garden.

Our moments, I cherish more than I ever knew my heart could. This is the reality of losing you.

Silent Observation

People assume, because you’re quiet, that nothing bothers you and you are simply not heard.

I have written a thousand times over, but still, ever lost in this maze of emotions and scenarios.

What do I want to happen? I simply cannot tell you. What do I seek from my experiences? Just some clarity, and guidance.

Silence is not a weakness, and I will no longer be silenced.

New Year 2019 – Daily Blog Posts?

Hi everyone, I hope you’ve had an amazing first day of 2019. Just wanted to write a quick post, and I’ll start posting daily on the blog from now on. 2018 was tough, and writing wasn’t fun to do at all previously, so I really wanted to make an effort this time and stick to my word of consistent posts, and have a balanced routine of thoughts, poems, opinions, so forth.

Thank you to the ones who check my blog often, you’re incredible,

to say the least.

I’m excited to see what the year holds for me, personally. Of course, I did a resolutions post about a week and a half ago, which I’ll be trying to focus on.

How was your first day of 2019?

And like I said, I’ll be on here every day from now on. May you all have a wonderful day or night, depending on where you are and such.

Take care, everyone!

Yours Truly,

Mila xo

Breaking The Ice: Heavy Thoughts & Resolutions 2019

Hello, world. I am finally back on the blog, just in time
for my annual resolutions post for the coming New Year.

You have NO idea, just how much I have missed updating-and expressing my thoughts on this platform of mine. For months on end,
I have seen others create incredible content, and envied the fact that their hearts were so inspired and motivated to do so. Keep it up, you inspire me!

Good To Be Writing Again

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotion, bittersweet encounters, and endless obstacles. But through it all, I have kept my composure and sanity in tact.

The same really can’t be said for others, however. I have experienced more betrayal and disloyalty this year, than any other. And to this day, I still can’t wrap my head around it entirely. Truth be told, I gave them enough chances.

A Struggle To Express

For weeks, I have been trying to put together this post as a whole, it was a lot harder than I anticipated. If it wasn’t for the love and support of my family and friends, I would have felt differently about 99% of 2018’s life experiences and unfortunate events. God truly blessed me in that way.

It Was A Tough Year

Ever since the year began, cracks surfaced. Things escalated to the point of no return. The damage has been done, but the strength within, it continues to thrive.

Keep Your Hope Alive

I also found myself closer to religion and faith, which I truly believe has saved me, in more ways than one. When you open your eyes to the truth, you see things from a new perspective. It helps you grow as a person, stay connected to your core beliefs and values.

Reflection & Acceptance

We are not without flaws as human beings, but having the maturity to reflect and learn from our life lessons is so important. You can only dwell on your denial for a certain amount of time, before it all collapses.

You’re Only Human

Sure, a lot of us will keep making tiny mistakes every once in a while, and we’ll most likely never learn entirely, but that’s okay too. Just because you fall once, it doesn’t mean you’re not going to get back up again.

Stay True To You

As long as you’re conscious of what is happening around you, and you’re acknowledging the root causes and accepting it for what it is, that’s a good start. We aren’t perfect, which is what makes us human. Some of us are more reserved, some of us, more outspoken. Individually complex.

For 2019’s resolutions, I wanted to keep it simple and straightforward.

Here’s my tiny list:

  • submit a lot of poetry submissions
  • write for my third book of poems
  • become a healthier person (body, mind etc)
  • read the whole Bible in its entirety
  • upgrade the blog again

What are your resolutions for the New Year?

breaking points

okdIt starts with a simple trigger, and it ends with an emotional cry of defeat. A passive-aggressive mechanism mastered from the years and pieces of you broken off like you’re society’s doll, robotic to emotion and numb from the chemical imbalance of one’s mind.

What you saw in movies, it became your illusion, the safety blanket you never had as a child, but eventually, the rose-colored lens faded, and you saw the world in all the disgusting hues of reality. Blue became associated with sadness & your lover’s eyes, red became nothing but a reminder of the blood you lost, and the love that decayed along with it.

I wish life was like it seemed when childhood nightmares were only the majority of life’s problems, you could breathe oxygen without being constantly clouded by the loss of your beloved, oh how tragic it felt at the time, but as time goes, you start to feel the hatred building like the blocks you had as a kid, ain’t it funny how tables can twist and turn?

 

open letter to my 18 year old self

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Dear you,

It’s been a crazy time in life but it’s getting better each day, the chaos is still present but I know obstacles are there to help me face the fears I need to the most. I wish you were as confident as you are today, if only I knew the blossoming process of the heart would begin just after that specific moment in time. There’s been love, there’s been heartbreak, and most recently; the loss of the grandmother who shaped your heart into the one it is today. She’s at peace and no longer in pain and that’s what you should always remind yourself of in times of grief and sadness. It will hurt and the pain never truly goes away, but as you appreciate each day and each breath, you’ll be making her so proud way up from above.

Creativity wise, keep writing, never lose sight of your dreams and keep going until you reach that damn goal of yours. Poetry is not about what it brings you, but more about the joy it brings to write your heart out, regardless if you’re rambling or simply expressing.

Love on the other hand, is something you shouldn’t focus on too much right now. Focus on your own wellbeing before walking into the path of companionship. Appreciate the friends that have been there from day one and remember that life goes on no matter if someone leaves you or you leave them. I know you’re not in the right state of heart to love again, neither should you force yourself to be with someone for the sake of being in the company of anyone. Love at the right time, love the person who truly deserves you and let go of the ones who do not deserve your time and affection, because they don’t appreciate it, rather less than you originally had thought. Focus on you and you’ll be in a much happier place of mind because of it.

I thought writing this letter would be a good idea because I wish you knew how great life is and how good it can be, in the company of the right people and the family that loves you.

Life is a blossoming flower, for it to grow, you need to nurture the mind, feed the soul a lot of love and care, take care of the heart that beats for you and always appreciate each moment of life because you never know when it will end.

poem: lunar closure

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I’ve cried with the moon and I’ve shined with the best of suns,
perhaps it’s my time to shine and fly with the best of them.

You were the departure I needed to see right through, a kiss to the stars
and my heart will be complete. I feel like I can breathe continuously.

A spark of darkness lets you break free, acceptance is an oath I sought to keep.

The pain was a step closer to freedom, introverted depth kept me from losing time;
and sustained my brain, for the glory in my path I had yet to reach within life.