Sometimes, taking a moment to think before we do or say something is the difference between wrong and right choices in life. At times, I can find myself being impulsive, in terms of buying certain things or making a change somehow (hair bleach sessions included)
Almost bleached my hair earlier, funnily enough. Until I styled my hair in a different way, which made me appreciate my brunette, messy curls. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, so I’m looking forward to that.
Faith is such a big part of my daily life, more so with each day that passes by. Makes me so grateful for the people in my life and the positive changes that have occurred in recent years. And I also believe it keeps me close to my late grandmother. In May, it’ll be the fifth anniversary of her passing and that’s so surreal.
I just hope I make her proud, on this complicated journey of life and experiences.
As much as I am grateful for life as it is today, I can’t help but wonder about what could have been in another outcome of events. I know, it’s kind of ridiculous at this point.
But sometimes, your mind just wants to know.
When you have to discuss certain parts of your life, I suppose the curious side of you emerges.
I’ve learned a lot about my past over the last few years or so. Suppressing your feelings about it is a temporary solution. Such a complex journey, yet I do believe that I have found closure as a result.
We can’t change our pasts, unfortunately. As tough as that is for someone like me in moments like this, all I can do is acknowledge it, process it to the best of my ability and accept it.
That’s easier said than done, ultimately.
As I get older, I do hope that things start to make a little more sense.
Well, maybe I’ll write a book about it, or perhaps a novel of some kind. That’s something I hope to do in my later years. We’ll see if it happens.
Stay safe, and I hope you all have a wonderful evening.
If hoarding emotions and thoughts was a skill, I’d be a professional at this point in time. Hoping it will become easier as months goes by, and all of that.
To be honest, my writing has definitely impacted somewhat. You analyze yourself and others too much, as well as your surroundings and patterns.
Hard to believe we’re almost two weeks into the New Year, I’ve had a semi-productive timeline as of recent. It’ll pick up eventually, and so will the motivation and inspiration to do bigger and better things with my mind.
Reflection is good, to some extent. Just don’t overdo it, you’ll thank me later.
There is a lot I have to learn, and accept about myself. Bad habits, that one might need to take a second look at. A lot of books I want to read, places I want to visit and appreciate. Nostalgia seems to have hit me , ever so discreetly.
It’s also nearly four years without my grandmother, I am always in disbelief about this. Feels like yesterday when I held her hand, that last smile has replayed in my mind, more times than I can count. Her strength through it all has definitely played a major part. All I want to do is make my guardian angel proud.
Wanted to share a poem with you today. This will be in my poetry book when it’s finally published. Title & release date is yet to be announced but this piece will give you a clue if you read down the starting points. Or perhaps it already sounds familiar?
It began harmlessly enough, I never expected it to change my perspective of love,
but with all departures; will come sadness. Suddenly, you’re lost in the madness.
Had a charm for days, a smile that could make anyone’s stomach fill
with butterflies just from a simple look. It was muse at first glance
and as I look again on it, maybe it was meant to happen.
You gave me this vibe – a sentimental yet swiftly cold aura, I knew in my heart I’d place you in the depths of my heart. As much as I like to deny it for all it is worth, you truly got me struck with 3 words. From the hello that shaped our moments, to the silent goodbye-
and the spiral of repetition cycles, this was true; regardless of what you think of us now.
”Pistanthrophobia; the fear of trusting”
Drove me mad, but kept me happy. Made me cry, yet you’re the rays of sun on my face,
we made a mess of our time, something we’ll never get back, but I’ll treasure this
and it doesn’t matter if we don’t ever speak again, having you once was enough.
I am not your only love, neither would I expect it from a heart of such charm
although it does get to me, how I’m now the ghost of your past.
Surely, it must have meant the world to you at some point,
or maybe it did not- since you didn’t love me at first chance.
I wish I could understand your reasons for letting go,
because it’d bring me well-needed peace.
I can only hold on to the memories we built-
and the ones we never had the chance to.