Cluttered Set Of Emotions

If hoarding emotions and thoughts was a skill, I’d be a professional at this point in time. Hoping it will become easier as months goes by, and all of that.

To be honest, my writing has definitely impacted somewhat. You analyze yourself and others too much, as well as your surroundings and patterns.

Hard to believe we’re almost two weeks into the New Year, I’ve had a semi-productive timeline as of recent. It’ll pick up eventually, and so will the motivation and inspiration to do bigger and better things with my mind.

Reflection is good, to some extent. Just don’t overdo it, you’ll thank me later.

There is a lot I have to learn, and accept about myself. Bad habits, that one might need to take a second look at. A lot of books I want to read, places I want to visit and appreciate. Nostalgia seems to have hit me , ever so discreetly.

It’s also nearly four years without my grandmother, I am always in disbelief about this. Feels like yesterday when I held her hand, that last smile has replayed in my mind, more times than I can count. Her strength through it all has definitely played a major part. All I want to do is make my guardian angel proud.

The Peace That Comes With Age

As I near my 25th birthday, there’s a lot of emotions running wild inside my brain right now. Let me tell you, adult life is not as incredible as young me used to think. If you’re in a rush to be of age, don’t fret about it all too much.

There’s a difference between wanting to be older, and being it. Sure, many great opportunities and memories will come your way. Well, all our experiences won’t be the same, or any less complex, but I suppose, that’s the beauty of not knowing what the universe has in store for all of us.

Whilst the year is still in bloom, I’ll most likely do my best to ensure I don’t get lost in the resolutions I will inevitably break, the weight that’ll shed as slow as a turtle makes their way, and the poetry book that won’t be finished until the end of the year or beyond.

I try to be patient with myself, and the journey that life has brought me on. Although, it never does get easier. Being able to express my thoughts again has definitely been the light at the end of this dark tunnel of worry.

Analysis: Life, Poetry & Mindfulness

Commencing work on my third poetry book project has been harder than anticipated.

Originally, it was meant to have a 2019 release date, but I definitely didn’t want to rush any creative work of mine that has a meaningful message.

And it will also help me document a lot of difficult emotions that I have the want to express, and thoughts I’ve kept away in the archive of my mind.

The older I get, the more I miss the consistency of my writing over the years.

Also, focusing on mindfulness and self-care is on my list. I’ll explain more over the weekend.

Until then, I wish you all a wonderful evening.

Barriers: A Simple Draft Of A Poem

I long to fit the requirements,

The world can be a dark space.

Cryptic human; abyss of secrets,

How I wish, you knew my fears.

It felt like I knew you, in another life,

But, timing was never truly on our side.

Corners Of The Mind

Grief is such a complex thing to deal with. One minute, you’re absolutely fine, and the next, you could easily find yourself in a melancholy state.

There is never a day where I don’t miss my grandmother, and I do wish that she was still on this Earth.

She’s in a better place now, something I have to bear in mind, each time I feel like this.

Midnight Writes

I always find myself writing late at night. There’s something about the peace and solitude that comes with it.

To be honest, writing consistently again has been a joy. I certainly do hope that it continues.

For some reason, it’s easier to get all your thoughts down in the hours where you should be getting sleep.

I’m not necessarily the kind to have insomnia, but at certain moments, the aftermath of it all does take a toll. At other times, I honestly have never felt better in my entire life.

The complexity of my mind is something I have come to embrace and cherish. As the years have gone by, and I’ve matured and seen things in a different light, from a new perspective, it has taught me a lot about my surroundings, and about my own individual self.

It’s kind of true, hardships do make you feel stronger in the long run. Life can be a challenge, and if anything, I’m ready for it now.

The only way to conquer your fears is to face them. I’m determined to face all of mine, at a steady pace. And I’ll do so, with my faith and clarity in hand.

For anyone who’s up late, I’m with you on that one.

Love, Mila. Xo

In The Archive

I promised myself that I would update this blog every day in 2020, and I am determined to see it through.

Every thought has a meaning of some kind, I suppose. Always did have a fascination for the mind, and how it works.

For now, I’ll drift off to sleep with dreams in mind. Who knows, maybe I’ll find something.

Take care, have a beautiful evening.

Love, Mila. Xo

Resolutions: 2020 Vision, Goals & Mindfulness

As previously mentioned, I wanted to make a quick note of my vision for the year ahead, what I hope to achieve and accomplish, amongst other things.

This isn’t your average list. In fact, I don’t feel it is of use to even make one.

Sure, a healthier lifestyle would be very beneficial, and a more balanced approach to mindfulness is what I hope to grasp, eventually.

Taking care of yourself, as well as the ones around you, it’s vital, to be the best version you can be, of you.

Love,

Mila. Xo

2020: A New Era

Another decade has begun, and I am so ready to make it my own. The last ten years were definitely a challenge at times, sometimes a bitter to swallow.

All in all, I’m still grateful for the experience, as difficult as it was to endure.

You learn so much about yourself in times of predicament, the obstacles seemed like they would never stop blocking my path.

I honestly felt like I lost myself in the abyss of self-doubt. There were months where I couldn’t think, or even write. For the last half of 2019, I neglected my blog as a result.

Not being able to express what I was going through, it was agony for a writer like me. All I wanted to do was sit down and spill my thoughts, so I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed about all the things, that were happening around me.

It felt like my head could explode, that’s how heavy it was, to bear all this on these shoulders of mine.

This next decade, I want to do things a lot differently. For starters, starting work on my next project is on my list.

Resolutions and such, I’ll talk about on my next blog post tomorrow. For now, I just want to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

I hope 2020 is the start of something beautiful and bright.

Love,

Mila. Xo

Peace Of Mind: Grief And Time

Today is a bittersweet day to write anything, let alone process the emotions that are running through my head at the moment. But, since it is the third anniversary of my grandmother’s passing, I wanted to write something – anything, really.

Just recently, it was also my blog’s 4th year of being active (May 13th), and my domain name was 2 years old on the date also. And then, my second poetry book, A Cryptic Human Entity, that was self-published on May 16th of 2018, which makes it a year and three days old now.

It’s taken me a long time to find the time to sit down and write like I used to.

These past few months have definitely taken a toll on me, and the ones around me. It has been one obstacle after the other. For someone who doesn’t like even the slightest amount of confrontation, this was more troubling than anything else.

A lot has been achieved, however. Things people never thought was possible of me. And I will continue to fight on and move forward.

I truly want to thank the people in my life as of late, for giving me the strength and courage to stare fear in the face and deal with it, firsthand.

Truth be told, I have dealt with my fair share of struggles, and to this day, I still do. We all have our individual issues in life, and that’s reality.

Soon enough, I hope to be writing more consistently and frequently, but for the time being, it’s just not possible.

This blog is my sanctuary, a place I find peace and inspiration. With the help of faith and love, I am sure that things will improve, and I will be able to articulate what my heart is going through, at a later date.

And also, my birthday is later this month, which I look forward to, oddly enough.

I just wish my grandmother was here to see my progress. There’s not a day where I don’t miss her presence. She was one of the most inspiring women I have ever had the chance to know. My heart is still in disbelief over the loss, as if a piece of me was lost on the day she passed on.

But, I know in my heart, that her soul lives on, and her legacy will never be forgotten. She’ll always be with me, and I just hope that I can make her proud from above.

Death might seem like a morbid subject to some, but it is an inevitable fate, that we all will encounter at some point in life, we just don’t know when that will be.

So, live your lives to the fullest. Cherish the people who love you and the ones who don’t love you, embrace them too. Just stay true to yourself and remember, that with each door that closes, another one opens.

Peace and Love,

Mila.