Grief Is Complicated

Note: Just so you know, this post is about grief and the complex nature of dealing with loss, I’ve tried to articulate my thoughts in a way that is not upsetting. I could have written more, but perhaps for another day instead.


Reading about heavy subjects definitely makes you sit down and think, noting all the things you should be grateful for. It’s so incredibly sad when you hear about people losing their battle with an illness, that has affected them for many years.

Can’t begin to imagine what it must feel like, seeing a loved one suffer in such a way. Well, in one way, I do feel their pain. Having witnessed the inevitable decline of a beloved relative, it breaks my heart when others have to go through the same.

Grief is complicated, the emptiness it leaves you with. I know passing on to the other side is something that will happen to all of us as life goes forward, but it’s still never easy to fully accept or understand.

When I lost my wonderful grandmother in May 2016, it was a shock to the system. I knew her time on Earth was slowly coming to an end, but I had no idea how that would affect me, how I’d feel or cope.

All I know is, there’s a guardian angel watching over me now.


Mila. Xo

Heavy Minded

Last half of the week has been interesting, emotively speaking.

Those heavy emotions can be a lot to process, hopefully as they subside, it’ll be a reason to create something positive out of the situation.

Just taking a deep breath, reminding yourself that it’s okay, it does help to some extent, depending on the intensity of your thoughts, of course.

Tomorrow is Friday, which is always good to know. I’ve got many things that need to be done, making a change to my hair tomorrow too, I honestly need a change at this point. It’s been nice giving my hair a break from all the dyes, bleaching and more, but sometimes you want a different look.

We’ll see how it goes, I’ve got back-up hair products in case, haha.

Mila. Xo

Melancholy Nights

It’s one of those nights, once again.

Emotions can be complicated, it can also be a difficult thing to talk about when you’re overwhelmed as it is. However, in some ironic way, sometimes that’s the only way I can write. And it’s important to not suppress how you feel either.

I’m currently in the process of writing for the next poetry book, although at this point, when this will be unveiled or released, not too sure.

However, despite feeling less than ideal, I wanted to come on here and just distract myself from my thoughts for a moment. Writing has always been such a good outlet, in many ways.

Anyway, I’ll probably end the post at this for now, until tomorrow.

Take care, stay safe, be kind to yourself and others.

Mila. Xo

Complexity Of Being Human

I wanted to dedicate this post to my loved ones, because today’s events have really highlighted the importance of gratitude, appreciating the people we know, the memories we have, the time we spend on this Earth.

So incredibly grateful for my faith too, it really keeps me humble, and it brings comfort to my heart in times of anxiety and stress. Bear in mind, this is my own personal experience with religion, and of course, every person’s life experiences are different, we have our individual paths, journeys, ways of coping and all else.

Felt compelled to get my emotions out tonight, it’s been a long day and heavily emotive. I have a lot to say, not everything leaves the draft section of my mind or the notes on my phone, but sharing my thoughts in moments like these, it makes me feel better.

Over the years, I definitely have tried to become a better version of myself, to learn and grow from the past. Each day is different, there’s good days and bad days, as well as all of those in-between.

Learning how to manage and balance all of this is tricky sometimes, that’s the complexity of being human. So, to conclude this post, feel free to share your own feelings and thoughts, let me know what’s going on in your life and what you’re grateful for. God bless you all.

Mila. Xo

Analysis Of The Healing Process

There’s a chance I might ramble tonight, my emotions have been all over the place, so bear with me. It’s been a rough day, in terms of lacking motivation and not feeling like myself.

One of those days, mother nature does not make things any easier, so there’s that. I managed to get it together later on in the day; did a 30 minute workout, took all my supplements, did my skincare, ate consistently throughout the day, got some new groceries in the morning.

So, all in all, I got through the worst of what I was feeling.

As much as sleeping all day and eating junk was an option, I decided to get on with my daily routine, and stay productive. I’m really glad I did, because I feel a lot better.

Not giving in to temptation is something I’m proud of. In the past, I thought the best way to feel better was to eat junk, distract myself with sleep or binge watch a show or two. All those things are okay to do in moderation, but it doesn’t solve the problem.

I’m trying to teach myself discipline, self-control in terms of food and what I consume on a regular basis. Working on these things is not easy, you don’t change habits overnight, but over time, it becomes easier to manage and keep under control.

You have to dig deep, when it comes to understanding why you do certain things, and the predictable patterns that arise as a result. Once you understand the root cause, that’s when you can properly begin the healing process.

Trauma of any kind is hard to process, and it can take a long time to face it, acknowledge it, be able to speak about it, and also, learn to heal from it and move forward.

Every person’s journey is different, and that’s something I always bear in mind when talking about my own experiences in life, what I’ve been through and how it made me the person I am today.

I think I’ll leave it at that for now, I might elaborate further in future posts on the blog. Excuse the essay tonight, it’s not often I get so invested in what I write, although that is the whole point of DAYDREAM MADNESS.

This is my sanctuary of thought, where I can speak openly and feel a sense of comfort. Writing has always been a powerful outlet for me, it helped me through some dark times, which I’ll be forever grateful for.

Have a good evening, take care of you, stay kind.


Mila. Xo

Ignited Feelings Of Worry

When it comes to fear, or the stresses of certain situations, I often try to analyze and accept what I’m feeling at that particular moment.

Sometimes, it’s not always so easy.

My mind is slightly complex, the same yet different to everyone else’s.

I used to feel shame at getting overwhelmed over some things, it felt like I was the only one at times. (bear in mind, I’ve come a long way and it’s not as bad as it used to be)

To be honest, talking about it shouldn’t have to feel awkward. Everyone has their own struggles and worries, some are just more manageable than others.

And that’s okay, something I often tell myself in notes, diary entries etc.

Life has been a strange and complicated journey, but I’m grateful and blessed in many ways, and I’ve got a good support system.

I’m writing this currently on my phone because I have no energy to use my laptop. Got a few things to do tomorrow, nothing special.

Just hoping that it’ll be okay and I’ll have my peace of mind restored in no time.

This brings us to the end of another blog entry.

I’ll be back tomorrow to share yet another day of thoughts. This is truly a sanctuary for my mind.

God bless you all, and stay safe.

Mila. Xo

Cursed Is The Girl

People always used to tell me, that a creative child usually becomes a troubled adult.

Well, I used to dismiss the theory. It seemed cliché to me, at least, during my teenage years.

Maybe, that was the denial talking. I’ve always wanted to get down to the root cause, but there has been many examples of it.

I often find myself too involved, the mind can play tricks if you allow it, but it can also help you untangle past behaviors, patterns that seem to align, things you simply can’t shake off.

If my brain was an internal drive, which in many ways, it is, I doubt it would be in a solid state.

As technology progresses, I hope it evolves in a way that changes lives and enhances their sense of knowledge in more ways than just one or the other.

The other thing I find myself worrying about, is the high expectations on my shoulders and the validation that comes along with it, or lack of, if I’m honest.

Existence & Purpose

When you lose your identity in the recycling bin, how do you find that part of you again?

I’m beginning to think, I have a long way to go.

Ever since I can remember, I associated my willingness to help others as my main source of purpose.

On this journey, I have come to understand everything a lot clearer.

It’s hard to articulate this in a way that wouldn’t offend. I’ve suppressed it all to the point where I just go along with the chaos. I don’t like it, even freaks me out most days. Back in the day, this blog was my only sanctuary for all these thoughts. It still is, but to a lesser extent.

To share is one thing, it’s one of the only things that make sense anymore.

Everything else is a blank, quite honestly. I could write a book about this, my mind is an abyss of thought, a lot of it has never been fully dissected nor processed.

To say that I am currently lost in the archive is an understatement. There’s so much I have yet to learn, to see, to experience.

I often wonder, what is my purpose, guide me to where I am meant to stand.

Is this modern world for an old soul like mine? Who knows.

Anyway, excuse the rambling. This is the first blog post where I haven’t been feeling empty. Let’s hope the new decade brings a lot of better days.

Love,

Mila. Xo

Hours That Follow, A Poem Draft From Book #3

There’s something about the midnight hour, I can’t understand how it works, or if it calms my soul enough to heal my battle wounds.

Either way, it builds my core, to the point of nausea. You push yourself to the edge and somehow recover, just to fall back on your word again.

It’s a continuous cycle, the same routine of thought, as time leads you on a journey.

You can either hide in denial, or confront your darkest personality traits in depth.

To cut ties with fear of abandonment, a need for approval; Am I losing touch with reality or am I too aware of my own weaknesses and destructive mindset?

It takes a lot to admit defeat, and admit that you’re a broken individual.

So for the time being, love your fellow entities that surround the halls of your mind. For the present hour, cherish the hours that follow.

Be fearless, love the obstacles that test you. Kill the fear that haunts your path.

Free the mind, cure the anxiety of not knowing what’s going to happen next.

Heart On The Line

“This poem is a favorite of mine. I feel like it should be in the yet-to-be-released book, although the process is still ongoing. But you can always comment below and tell me what you think. Yay or Nay?”

The idealistic expectations of what is to be, is at times melancholy at best.

We seek redemption in the arms of strangers but for whom is this comfort suited?

Driven into the arms of someone else out of spite. Dusk until dawn, the nostalgic lust could last for weeks on end.

The picturesque beauty of love was slowly tainted by the broken promises on our bedroom nightstand.

For a minute, it would be heaven to pretend, that an illusion like this could be of greater proportion and depth.

Written out by hands cold from rejection and eyes blinded by devotion to a falling grace upon the stars.

You put your heart on the line, but at what cost?